I bought some new laundry baskets for me and my boyfriend of 8 years (both 28). Laundry is my least favorite chore, it’s overwhelming with my other house responsibilities (cooking, dishes, pet maintenance, etc.), and he doesn’t like the way I fold his clothes. I thought this would be a good solution. We split laundry as a chore as much as we can.
I messed up, because I didn’t talk about buying these baskets, or doing laundry separately. I wanted to try it out, thought it was a good idea and set it up. The separate baskets seemed to be fine this week, we had been placing our separate clothes in separate bins.
Today was my first day off, I did chores around the house, walked the dog, did my laundry and got it put away feeling good. My partner comes home from work and asked if any of his clothes were cleaned, I said no but that there were clean items left over from the laundry I did last week. He asks if we are doing it separately now, I said yes, and he expresses that he would like to have talked about it first. I apologize and he goes silent, I can hear him huffing a bit.
A few minutes pass, he comes back to me let me know that he is upset I didn’t talk to him about it first and that having a shared chore for the past 5 years now be changed is unfair. I said I was sorry and a surprised at his reaction. I let him know that the laundry overwhelms me and I was trying to find a better solution, I didn’t mean to make a negative statement or impact him negatively. He got more upset saying I don’t actually sound sorry and not listening to him about the issue, which was consulting with him first on the baskets.
We go back and forth, him getting more disappointed/angry and me getting more anxious about saying something wrong. He says “this isn’t getting better” referring to our arguing and then says he can’t do this anymore, “not threatening the relationship” but that by doing our laundry separately we are getting closer and closer to live! in roommates that fuck and he is tired of not getting respect in his life and is about to rage. He storms away, yells “STOP MOVIGN MY SHIT” after ruffling some things around, goes out and punches his car and screams at the top of his lungs in his car and then drives away to some plans he had.
I am feeling emotionally wrecked after these confrontations, I’m feeling like a complete dumbass and asshole, but also scared to say anything wrong the next time in fear of this reaction. He refuses therapy of any kind. I’m feeling really stuck in how to navigate this situation without feeling like a fuck up.
TLDR: I bought laundry baskets without asking. My boyfriend is extremely mad and I’m unsure how to navigate after apologizing.
submitted by /u/justacrumb
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