Just need someone to talk and vent to. Any advice is appreciated. Feel like I am living in a nightmare right now.
My Wife and I got married 6 months ago after being engaged for 1.5 years prior. Total time together is 7 years. College sweethearts you could say. We own a house together and a few animals. We are both highly successful and make very good money for our age. We did a year of long distance early in the relationship, had our fair share of fights (maybe 2 a year), lived together for 5 years in 4 different dwellings. We have gotten each other out of dark places in our lives and have lifted each other up. Our families love each other, and love each of us as individuals too.
Honeymoon was amazing and we have been on two trips since then as well. I felt we were very connected and in love.
Recently she went on a work trip out of state and had a seemingly great time. During this trip she rarely texted back or talked much on the phone, but I did not think much of it as there was a large time zone gap. I do not have any indication that something may have happened, and she said nothing did when I asked her. It is just a blip in time that I cannot get out of my brain may have been the tipping point. She has been on a few work trips before but I never had a concern.
This may seem bad but a few days after the trip she also had a conservative boob job done. She has talked about getting one for a while now and I helped drop her off, pick up and do what she needed to recover.
A few days after the procedure (1 week ago) she sits down next to me on the couch and expresses to me how she is not attracted to me anymore and how we have become different people. She asked me if I felt the same and I told her no, that I was completely blindsided by this. She said she felt that we were “roommates” who just live! together. We share chores, although I may be a bit lazy at times I probably do 40% of the chores on average. I buy flowers, we go on dates once a week. Our sex life has been good, although it is usually me that has to initiate, there have been times where she practically is begging for me. It is so naked for me to get through my mind what went wrong.
I asked how long she has felt this way and she said two months before the wedding and I asked why she didn’t say something sooner, to which she apologized and said she should have. I have not changed at all in the last 2 years probably. Same job, same house, same routine, I don’t mean to sound conceited but I could pass as a fitness competitor with my physique. I have had no indication of dissatisfaction in the relationship and can vividly remember times where we were on top of the world just a few months ago.
It is so hard for me to get through my mind what went wrong. We have grown together so much. We workout together, eat together every night, date, travel, struggle and share success together. What has hurt me the most is that we have talked and agreed on seeing a couples / marriage counselor, but every time we talk about it she seems to put the ball in my court and give me the option to say no and end it all together. The day she told me about everything I got zero sleep, tossing and turning all night. She passed right out and slept like a baby. It just does not seem to even phase her. She has not cried in front of me and seems like everything is ok when we text or talk but when I am home with her I get the cold shoulder and she acts like a shell of herself.
I am willing to do counseling, and we have a date set. The way she always leaves the door open to just ending everything now hurts very bad. Part of me wants to fight like hell to keep her, but I don’t want to be that guy that forces her to stay in a relationship with me. I am also worried about making it through this one incident and then it happens again when we’re 40 and I’m old and left with nothing. If she truly feels this way about me and cannot change then I do not want to waste any valuable youth and spend time working on myself and building something new.
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