I (56) very recently discovered my husband (57) has been having a full-blown, double life, affair, for the last 10 years of our 30 years of marriage. I know it’s over between us, but I have to consider certain business things before it becomes public. The issue I am struggling with is my grown children. They don’t online with us, or in the same town. One actually lives quite some distance away with his own family. One happens to work in the family business with my husband, but from a distance – he works from his home. They are both in their late 20s.
I guess my first question is, if you were one of my children, how would you want to hear about this and how much would you really want to know? Also, would you be upset if you were not told for a certain period of time before the truth came out?
My husband has always been to some degree their hero. We have a large family gathering in a month that I’ve been planning for quite some time. All of us were going to converge on one location as a family – which hasn’t happened for quite some time. I am trying to decide if I cancel everything and let them all know why via phone calls, or if I pull my crap together and tell him he’s got to pull his crap together and we fake it for a few months.
I know that faking it would be best for him. Between work and getting to see his children one last time before they know what a liar he is would work out fine for him. But this isn’t about what’s best for him, or even for myself. I am only concerned about what is best for our children and what they would want me to do. While I am extremely angry with him and upset about everything he’s done, I don’t want to do anything to damage his relationship with our children. If he has to suffer consequences, it will only be because of what he has done, and I don’t want to add to their pain.
TLDR: how to tell grown children about their parents’ long-term marriage ending
submitted by /u/ThrowRA9890257
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