I met my wife (I'll call her Anna) during our first year of university. We dated through university and got married right after her graduation. Things were happy for about a while until Anna discovered a lump in her right breast. I encouraged her to have it checked out; she was reluctant to do so, but utlimately did because breast cancer runs in her family. And sure enough, that's what she had.
The good news – if it can be considered good news – was that the breast cancer she had was extremely treatable with chemo and radiation. Based n her family history her doctor also recommended a double masectomy for her. This put Anna in a REALLY dark place. I suggested she go to therapy but she outright refused and said she never wanted to hear me suggest that again. So I did my best to be encouraging and supportive to her. I took time off work to be at every appointment with her, I took on 100% of the household chores both inside and out, I did all of the shopping, I drove Anna everywhere she wanted to go, I planned out special dates for us, I gave her an hour-long foot massage every night, I literally did whatever I could.
About six weeks into her treatment, Anna brought up the idea of going to stay with her sister Sarah for a week. This honestly relieved me as I was burning the candle at both ends trying to accomplish everything, and I thought some time apart would help us both.Two nights into her stay with Sarah, Anna called me and said she wanted a divorce. She said she had read a lot about men who abandon their wives when their wives get sick, and that she was determined to leave me before I could leave her.
I can't put into words how much this crushed me. I loved my wife. She was my everything. I begged her to reconsider. I told her I had NEVER thought of leaving her, not even once. I asked her again to go to therapy. She refused again. I asked her to go to couple's therapy with me. She wouldn't. I asked her what I could do to convince her I wanted to stay. She said there was nothing. I am a man and therefore I would leave. End of story.
It took about a year because of where we live! (thanks COVID) but eventually everything was finalized. I ended up selling the house and splitting the proceeds between me and my now ex-wife. I didn't want to stay in that town anymore, so I put in a transfer request at my job and ended up moving to a town about 2 hours away. For the past couple of years, I've been focusing on myself more. I got a dog. I've been on a few dates but nothing serious. I picked up hiking as a hobby and started gardening.
Out of the blue, Anna called me three weeks ago. She said she'd been in town on a trip with friends and saw me, and all of her old feelings rushed back. She said she was sick and out of her mind at the time, and that I couldn't hold her words or her actions against her. She said she still loved me, that she always had, and that she regretted leaving me. She begged me to give her another chanace.
I'm…. so confused. If I'm being honest, I still love Anna but I'm no longer IN love with her. She broke my heart. I was devastated when she ended things. It took me a long time to get my head on right. But I also know she really was in a bad place because of the cancer. Do I owe it to her and what we had to hear her out? I'm scared that if we reconnect, I'll always feel like she'll have one foot out the door. But maybe that's unfair? I don't know what to do. Should I give her another chance like she wants?
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