We've been together for 4 years and married for 6 months. We're in a closed monogamous relationship. We've had no major fallouts, clearly set and respected boundaries. Generally a solid relationship all around, definitely the happiest I've ever been in a relationship.
He's been in the military our entire relationship so I am used to him being gone for weeks or months at a time, and is going to be sent on his first 12 month over seas deployment, I have no problems with this other than the fact he's recently sat me down and explained that he is most likely going to sleep with other women while he's there, to satisfy his urges, that it's normal to happen while serving and that I can't be ipset because he's "keeping me in the loop" I immediately blew up at him and rehashed my past of an abusive relationship that revolved around cheating.
He tried to explain to me that it would be no different than using a toy or regular masturbation and wouldn't mean anything to him, just a way to distress. When I told him again that he'd just admitted to planning on cheating on me he got defensive and told me I'm insecure and that I clearly don't trust him, and that again i cant be mad because he told me upfront, and that it isn't cheating because I know and it wouldn't mean anything.
Well now other than that, I don't trust him now and questioned if he has done the same during other long term outtings, to which he said he hasn't but how can I believe that when he's just so blatantly stated he's going to be cheating on me if he needs to?
After hours of fighting and tears he finally, if somewhat reluctantly took it back and said he wouldn't for my peace of mind, but doubled down on the fact he thinks I'm insecure and overreacting. We haven't discussed it since but it's all I can think about now
I am at a loss for what to do now, like I genuinely have no clue as to how I'm supposed to navigate this. He leaves in a few months and we will have limited to no contact for a year, how am I supposed to trust him after this? At this point I'm thinking it's just better to leave, I feel so sick from the overthinking.
submitted by /u/ThrowRAactuallylost
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