Almost two months ago, in early May, I was assaulted by a complete stranger when I was walking to my car at night after partying with my friends at a club. I won’t go into details about the assault, but it involved me being s*xually assaulted and having to spend a night in the hospital for a concussion. I still blame myself for being drunk and not asking one of my friends to walk with me to my uber pick up spot. Not to mention it was like 1 in the morning, so ever since I have blamed myself for putting myself in the circumstances of allowing it to happen.
The assault has left me with severe anxiety, and I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend since because I start to have panic attack symptoms that debilitate me. This has annoyed my boyfriend, and I have tried to tell him that it has nothing to do with him, but he will still say things like “why are you acting like I’m the one who did it?”. I think that my boyfriend also has resentment towards me because he also says things like “well, I told you that I didn’t like you partying in the first place” and it just makes me feel so much worse. I have developed this deep fear of being physically alone, and my parents aren’t around. My mom lives in a different state and my dad (who I live with) travels every week for work. I will sometimes ask my boyfriend if I could stay the night at his place, and of course when I first started asking he thought it was sexual, but when he found out that I just wanted to cuddle up next to him and feel warm and safe, he got annoyed.
Now he’s seems to be mocking me and told me tonight to “buy a teddy bear” because he’s busy. I totally understand that he needs his space, so instead I’m staying with a friend, but I just don’t understand where his hostility is coming from.My entire life seems to be collapsing, and I don’t know how to deal with it. What are some things that I can do to stabilize my relationship before it falls apart too?
submitted by /u/ThrowRA-assaultsurv
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