Lots of great suggestions here! One more to add—mention something from earlier that day and how you wanted him right then. Like, “Earlier today? When I walked out onto the porch and you were? Something hit me and you were lookin’ so fckin sexy and I wanted you to just bend me over the railing, pull up my skirt, and take me right there. Just grab my hips and fck me very hot, I would have begged you not to stop, I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet. I just wanted your cock and got so wet just thinking about you f*cking me . . . .” Works great with different rooms of the house, too. And next time y’all are just walking around, he can wonder what you’re really thinking about ?
He does see the mess. He just doesn't see it as a “problem” that he needs to do anything about it. And if it is a “problem”, it's only a problem for you, and therefore not his concern to deal with or address.
He knows how you feel about it. He's spent years listening to you tell him. But that doesn't change anything for him. He would still rather not do anything to change and let it continue to be your problem. After so many years of having the same conversation, he's probably bored of it, and thus is changing the narrative. But he doesn't want to change, he wants you to change. He is coming up with new ways to circumvent you trying to change him. He is not actually ever going to address the core issue, which is him.
Girl, if he wanted to, he would. At this point, you need to leave him. Call it a separation if you want, but find a place to on-line for a few weeks, a month, a few months. Tell him that unless you see real, sustained effort on his part to acknowledge that what he is doing is wrong, and to take genuine steps towards fixing it, you will not be coming back. And then you need to stick to it.
One of two things will happen. You will scare him straight, and he will realize that unless he actually does change, you will leave forever. Or, you will be able to move on with your life and discover the freedom that lies in not being tied to someone who is committed to not being a partner to you.
If she ever finds, say, the viagra bottle lying around she could start to wonder “does he even find me attractive if he can’t get it up” or something along those lines.
Having ED is such a non issue that it shouldn’t be a difficult conversation to have with your SO just so they are informed.
Also, if he does tells her and she has an issue with him taking Viagra is that really someone he should to be with? She’s going to find out eventually given enough time. Just rip the bandaid off.
lol you literally hate this chick. Just break up. What do you even mean by “in too deep”. Do you have kids? A mortgage? Married? Did you murder someone together? Embezzlement? Debt?? Like idk what qualifies as 'too deep' to leave. Do you, like, share clothes and you're gonna miss her side of the closet?
does she have a dog you really like? Does she buy premium coffee that you can't afford on your own? Does her shampoo smell just like… reeeaaally good? ya know?
That's the carrot. It's designed to give you hope that if you give in, keep trying to on-line with the abuse, it can get better. It won't, and you'll continue living in fear that every frigging thing you do is gonna set him off. Life is short, but it's too long to live in hell like this. Let go of the fairy tale and divorce this bully.
My best advice is that you should stop thinking about it so much. Besides, penetration isn’t the only thing you can do. Also, I guarantee you that the only reason both your sex drives have gone down isn’t bc you don’t last as long, but bc you overthink this issue and it shows (which won’t be a turn on). Easier said than done to “stop thinking about it so much” I know, but if it were really an issue, I’m sure your gf would let you know by now tather than telling you it’s ok
I've started working in tech almost 4 years ago. If she is a programmer, she could pay her bills. Even if she were the janitor at the tech company, she could pay her bills. The fact that she never seems to work? That's a no from me. Programmers burn the midnight oil constantly. That's one of the reasons they're paid so well, besides the fact that they have extremely valuable technical skills. She's either lying to you about her job, or she's greatly exaggerated her role/salary.
Bob is a manipulative, controlling douchebag. His own personal choice to not go to the wedding is just that: his choice. It’s also yet another fucking attempt by him to be manipulative and controlling. To blame you for the consequences of his behavior, to disrupt, to make himself the center of attention
Good grief. What can you do now? You can leave. You say repeatedly that you said terrible things to her – things designed to hurt her – and you’re mystified that you hurt her. Irreparably. Irreparable (your word) means *cannot be repaired.”
Your tears? A wise woman once said “It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.”
You feel terrible now that you’ve done enough damage that she’s done with you. Until then, you were happy to be a stereotypical abuser. You did not care about the damage you did.
So now you’re sure you really really love her & you’ve really changed. Prove it. Move out. Leave her alone. Take everything you’ve learned with you & put it into practice with the next girl.
He’s definitely sabotaging himself and you. If you want to go to therapy together you should postpone the wedding until you do otherwise go far away. You just dodged a bullet with this guy.
Why do you need him to admit anything? Just divorce him and stop entertaining this drama. You seem like you want the drama rather than to be done with him.
Also, I asked him why he didn’t just tell me he was getting together with him and he said “it just seemed smoother that way.” Like he was protecting my feelings. Even though I’d shown 0 jealousy when he told me about dating her while we were apart.
I'm not sure that we should be together too, but I know that I still love her despite everything. I can't be sure if we don't try. We want to fix things as a couple, which I think is great. But this time, I will not lose myself in the relationship. Deep down, I know that we can have the relationship we always wanted, that's what she is also telling me. We'll see !
I will tell you honestly if he wanted to be with you, he would. People Mary from different countries, especially in Europe. You guys are like states next to each other. That being said, I’m sure it was lovely but it’s easy to make a relationship lovely after two months. Because you’re still in a very much a honeymoon phase. Because it was a positive experience you can use this as a way to judge future dating situation. That if they don’t treat you the same way he treated you you don’t date them.
I find that when people are hurt and a lot of relationships there caring behavior with them they put some in that position. Like ignoring red flags, tolerating behavior, they shouldn’t, and not standing up for themselves. Well enough. So when the relationship ends, not only has the other person damage them, but they damaged themselves. So take care of yourself next time look for guys to treat you the way the man from France dead. However, this time to find somebody who’s going to stay because that is very important as you know know
As far as the man from France, if you’re initiating contact, I would stop and I would go no contact for the next year so let yourself recover. It’s harder to talk to somebody that still ultra charming and lovely, but really isn’t trying to be with you at all.
sure can. One of my favorite people on the planet. Love you Martha!
So what am I supposed to do with my money? Be stingy and stash it away for myself? It’ll obviously go towards him and my future family.
Lots of great suggestions here! One more to add—mention something from earlier that day and how you wanted him right then. Like, “Earlier today? When I walked out onto the porch and you were? Something hit me and you were lookin’ so fckin sexy and I wanted you to just bend me over the railing, pull up my skirt, and take me right there. Just grab my hips and fck me very hot, I would have begged you not to stop, I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet. I just wanted your cock and got so wet just thinking about you f*cking me . . . .” Works great with different rooms of the house, too. And next time y’all are just walking around, he can wonder what you’re really thinking about ?
Yeah, first time I couldn't get it up, second time I couldn't cum.
He does see the mess. He just doesn't see it as a “problem” that he needs to do anything about it. And if it is a “problem”, it's only a problem for you, and therefore not his concern to deal with or address.
He knows how you feel about it. He's spent years listening to you tell him. But that doesn't change anything for him. He would still rather not do anything to change and let it continue to be your problem. After so many years of having the same conversation, he's probably bored of it, and thus is changing the narrative. But he doesn't want to change, he wants you to change. He is coming up with new ways to circumvent you trying to change him. He is not actually ever going to address the core issue, which is him.
Girl, if he wanted to, he would. At this point, you need to leave him. Call it a separation if you want, but find a place to on-line for a few weeks, a month, a few months. Tell him that unless you see real, sustained effort on his part to acknowledge that what he is doing is wrong, and to take genuine steps towards fixing it, you will not be coming back. And then you need to stick to it.
One of two things will happen. You will scare him straight, and he will realize that unless he actually does change, you will leave forever. Or, you will be able to move on with your life and discover the freedom that lies in not being tied to someone who is committed to not being a partner to you.
huh? ive only posted this 3 times and every time i post i delete it because 1) no one responds. 2) im adding
Do you make her feel sexy or do anything to please her before asking for it? She's not in the mood it sounds like.
Don't worry. He's not telling his wife (she already knows) and he's not leaving her. I'm pretty sure this is far from the first time he's cheated.
Oh and he really liked his gift, wouldnt stop messing around with it and was very happy about it.. so thats why im confused
Kate is a shit starter. Seriously, she is just looking for drama and a reason to play the race card and be a bully.
Signed: An Asian who is pale during the winter and dark AF during the summer.
Has she started taking medication for her depression? Meds will reduce a person’s sexual drive
How much and how often does she drink? If she's an alcoholic withdrawals can kill you.
What about his wife's body? She shares her body with him. She has a right to feel offended that he's watching porn.
Eh…I think of it like this:
If she ever finds, say, the viagra bottle lying around she could start to wonder “does he even find me attractive if he can’t get it up” or something along those lines.
Having ED is such a non issue that it shouldn’t be a difficult conversation to have with your SO just so they are informed.
Also, if he does tells her and she has an issue with him taking Viagra is that really someone he should to be with? She’s going to find out eventually given enough time. Just rip the bandaid off.
Yes you did
People are entitled to privacy even long term relationships. They've broken your trust and you should be angry.
Trust is a difficult thing to rebuild. By the sounds of it, you had nothing to hide and likely would have just shown the conversations if asked.
That's how mature people behave “hey can I read your chat with X?” “sure, here's my phone”
my only options are getting over it or breaking up over it eventually.
Yep. Get over it or break up.
He expects you to do his work for him. Dump him now. Do the project on your own and tell your professor that he isn’t helping.
lol you literally hate this chick. Just break up. What do you even mean by “in too deep”. Do you have kids? A mortgage? Married? Did you murder someone together? Embezzlement? Debt?? Like idk what qualifies as 'too deep' to leave. Do you, like, share clothes and you're gonna miss her side of the closet?
does she have a dog you really like? Does she buy premium coffee that you can't afford on your own? Does her shampoo smell just like… reeeaaally good? ya know?
Just fucking leave, dude.
Fuck that would be so embarrassing.
That's the carrot. It's designed to give you hope that if you give in, keep trying to on-line with the abuse, it can get better. It won't, and you'll continue living in fear that every frigging thing you do is gonna set him off. Life is short, but it's too long to live in hell like this. Let go of the fairy tale and divorce this bully.
If she’s your ex, why are you still communicating with her? Leave your past in the past and move forward. And no, you should never pay her phone bill.
Honestly this is true too. 99% of guys who say they want to wait until marriage just do it before marriage eventually anyway.
But then you have to deal with all of their weird religious guilt and a lot of times they start blaming the woman…
My best advice is that you should stop thinking about it so much. Besides, penetration isn’t the only thing you can do. Also, I guarantee you that the only reason both your sex drives have gone down isn’t bc you don’t last as long, but bc you overthink this issue and it shows (which won’t be a turn on). Easier said than done to “stop thinking about it so much” I know, but if it were really an issue, I’m sure your gf would let you know by now tather than telling you it’s ok
I've started working in tech almost 4 years ago. If she is a programmer, she could pay her bills. Even if she were the janitor at the tech company, she could pay her bills. The fact that she never seems to work? That's a no from me. Programmers burn the midnight oil constantly. That's one of the reasons they're paid so well, besides the fact that they have extremely valuable technical skills. She's either lying to you about her job, or she's greatly exaggerated her role/salary.
Bob is a manipulative, controlling douchebag. His own personal choice to not go to the wedding is just that: his choice. It’s also yet another fucking attempt by him to be manipulative and controlling. To blame you for the consequences of his behavior, to disrupt, to make himself the center of attention
And yet, even though it was early on, he still DIDN’T.
That’s why I asked. You started dating in October. You brought it up a month later.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a discussion now, but what kind of events are we even talking about at this point?
Love is not a solid reason to remain with an abuser (or expose future kids to).
You can't fix him. Nor are you obligated to.
For the sake of your future kids – get away from him.
Good luck
Good grief. What can you do now? You can leave. You say repeatedly that you said terrible things to her – things designed to hurt her – and you’re mystified that you hurt her. Irreparably. Irreparable (your word) means *cannot be repaired.”
Your tears? A wise woman once said “It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.”
You feel terrible now that you’ve done enough damage that she’s done with you. Until then, you were happy to be a stereotypical abuser. You did not care about the damage you did.
So now you’re sure you really really love her & you’ve really changed. Prove it. Move out. Leave her alone. Take everything you’ve learned with you & put it into practice with the next girl.
Stop torturing your ex.
He’s definitely sabotaging himself and you. If you want to go to therapy together you should postpone the wedding until you do otherwise go far away. You just dodged a bullet with this guy.
Nobody?
Why do you need him to admit anything? Just divorce him and stop entertaining this drama. You seem like you want the drama rather than to be done with him.
Also, I asked him why he didn’t just tell me he was getting together with him and he said “it just seemed smoother that way.” Like he was protecting my feelings. Even though I’d shown 0 jealousy when he told me about dating her while we were apart.
You are the third wheel, time to give them some space.
Oh, your dad is already planning on disowning you. I can smell the “Christian” martyr complex already.
He can't wait to tell everyone how you abandoned your fate or tell his trump buddies you're a liberal.
I'm not sure that we should be together too, but I know that I still love her despite everything. I can't be sure if we don't try. We want to fix things as a couple, which I think is great. But this time, I will not lose myself in the relationship. Deep down, I know that we can have the relationship we always wanted, that's what she is also telling me. We'll see !
I will tell you honestly if he wanted to be with you, he would. People Mary from different countries, especially in Europe. You guys are like states next to each other. That being said, I’m sure it was lovely but it’s easy to make a relationship lovely after two months. Because you’re still in a very much a honeymoon phase. Because it was a positive experience you can use this as a way to judge future dating situation. That if they don’t treat you the same way he treated you you don’t date them.
I find that when people are hurt and a lot of relationships there caring behavior with them they put some in that position. Like ignoring red flags, tolerating behavior, they shouldn’t, and not standing up for themselves. Well enough. So when the relationship ends, not only has the other person damage them, but they damaged themselves. So take care of yourself next time look for guys to treat you the way the man from France dead. However, this time to find somebody who’s going to stay because that is very important as you know know
As far as the man from France, if you’re initiating contact, I would stop and I would go no contact for the next year so let yourself recover. It’s harder to talk to somebody that still ultra charming and lovely, but really isn’t trying to be with you at all.
Jesus. Those weren’t jokes. She needs help. Now.