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Mei inst: meitin7, 21 y.o.
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Date: September 20, 2022
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I hope your boyfriend and your friend group leave
You are misplacing your anger. Your husband is the only person to blame here. He cheated and then lied
Sorry to say, but it sounds like your a secret because he is still in a relationship with his “ex” and you are the AP.
He has to keep you a secret from his “ex” because they are still together.
He got you a job on his construction crew so that you can’t tell anyone your dating because crew members aren’t allowed to date.
He has to erase all traces of you from his house when you go to visit so his partner doesn’t know he’s cheating.
They seem like they are still together on social media, because they are in fact still together.
OP – I think you need to dig deeper for the truth. Your whole relationship sounds sus and he sounds like he’s cheating on his partner with you.
I don't believe him friends that claim 100+ partners, I think that is BS. More isn't better. Sex should be special. An “open” relationship will almost certainly destroy your relationship. Make the best of what you have.
Right or it’s how he feels and that means he does not accept her for who she is and NO ONE should stay with someone who isn’t accepting of them.
Oh yes! Now I have an urge to re-read that utter madness.
But that’s on him and has nothing to do with you
Yeah, I think after marriage the calculation changes but before that you're not obligation to keep taking care of someone or be connected to them romantically if you're no longer feeling it. It doesn't matter if the reason they're no longer meeting your needs is their fault or not.
Now, you may love someone enough that it makes it worth it to stay with them through unenjoyable challenges, so I'm not advocating that people bail at the first sign of adversity, but I would hate so much finding out that my relationship was a net negative for my partner or was missing an essential component for romantic love and that he was staying with me out of guilt.
Not to mention that he was never active duty military so he probably doesn't have PTSD or anything. Sure, he could be depressed, but he could also just not care about certain things when he's not being forced to care about them. That's a legitimate position for him to take and also legitimate for her to not be attracted to, though if her issue is primarily the weight gain then that's a risk in nearly any case and I don't know how she's going to handle any long term relationship.
these aren’t boundaries, they’re just a list of douchey commandments he wants you to follow. he sounds genuinely deranged, so I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just choose to be single tbh