Omg she contacted you? I'm so sorry you were put through that. And yeah, this sounds quite similar. More and more I'm realizing what I thought was love om his part was probably obsession. And that obsession has been replaced replaced his new female friends and asmr girlfriend and ear licking videos. His new friends, I should point out, are the ones making the asmr. He's in a whole community now.
This man reeks of misogyny. The fact he impregnated OP when he was 26 and she was 18. The fact he clearly has formed zero emotional connection to his 2 daughters, even though the eldest is 6 years old. The fact that his lack of care towards his own children indicates that OP does 100% of the childcare (and most likely the brunt of the housework too WHILE WORKING). The fact he thinks he deserves a son and thinks it’s OP’s responsibility to give him one despite her unwillingness to do so.
I want to know, if he had a son, would he give him up if OP died? Or is it just his daughters that he doesn’t want?
hypothetical scenarios. you want to end years of your built life by asking internet strangers how green the grass is on the other side. you can find out how green the grass is and deal with that forever, or maybe ask your partner how green the grass is form his view.
Strangulation is the number one predictor of the death of the spouse being abused. You need to take your kids and get out now!!!! If something happens to you…Your children will be with her. Is that what you want for your children? Besides…your children see what's going on…and they themselves can become abusers or be abused. Do whatever it takes, but get away now. File whatever you have to, to keep those kids. I have worked in a Domestic shelter for a long time now. This. does. not. get. better…it will only get worse. Then get yourself and your kids in therapy. PLEASE!!!!
You certainly seem angry – is it because they used paragraphs? Or just because I disagreed with you. If the former, paragraphs, spelling and grammar are not challenges to everyone even if they are hard pressed for time and energy. Sometimes the careful consideration of the ideas is what is more challenging- especially when you’ve had few consecutive hours of sleep.
Look at the way you talk about the relationship. You saw potential for a long relationship. Unfortunately, that’s all it was, potential.
Ignore everything he said. People lie or stretch the truth during breakups. They feel guilty and want to let you down as easily as possible, so they say things like “I didn’t lose feelings” to make you feel like you didn’t fail. Or things like “you deserve better” so you’ll hate him and move on faster. At the end of the day, he’s the one not staying with you. If he truly loved or cared for you, he wouldn’t risk losing you. He would make things work with you despite his stress for school. He wouldn’t want to lose you to somebody else.
As much as this seems sudden, hes been thinking about this for a while. Could’ve been days, weeks, or maybe the whole relationship. He’s made the conscious choice after a lot of thinking to break up with you, and that’s why you can never take him back no matter what.
You need to make the decision for yourself, but I really really really recommend you remove him from your life. I’ve been there before, as with many, so please trust me when I say you won’t be able to move on with him as a friend. He’ll keep you around as a second, third, fourth option or for the occasional drunk hookup. You’ll get no space from him and will be stuck in love with him with no guarantee that you’ll be together. He decided to make you something that wasn’t his first choice, so he doesn’t deserve to get a great person like you in his life. He’s basically tossing you aside but still reaping all the benefits of having you care about him, and that’s not right. You need to go FULL no contact. Delete his number, block him if you need. Unfollow and remove him as a follower on all social media. Trust me, I know it’s hard to press that unfollow button, but it’s going to make things a lot better if you do it now than if you wait.
Good luck, and remember that you’ll make it through this. Spend this time to grow and learn from the relationship, and take your time to hurt and heal. It’s only your first relationship, and you’ll survive. Good luck!
Being intentionally deceived by the person she is supposed to be able to trust most. Full-stop that’s something I’d divorce over. What else does he feel justified hiding?
You are not bring unreasonable. All women are different and like different things in bed. The same is true with men. If you started telling him what your former boyfriends liked that he doesn’t, or things they did that he doesn’t do, he might get the message. But he sounds very immature and insensitive, and if he won’t stop even when you explained why it bothers you, it is a problem you might not be able to overcome.
You seem to know very little about how young kids actually operate and you’re holding it against this 3-year-old. Please break up with him for his child’s sake.
What do you think being in a relationship is for? What are the aims of a relationship for you? Because all I can see in your post is frustration, disappointment, a lack of respect and problem after problem whichever way you turn.
I divorced after 17 years of marriage. I wanted it to work. I had committed to something and had three children. But when you are the only person in the relationship who is committed to it, there’s little you can do.
It was scary. Why couldn’t I just put up with it? Marriage is tough, right?! I felt like I was being selfish by throwing a grenade into my children’s lives.
When you are in this sort of situation, you sometimes just let the days, weeks and months pass. But you owe yourself more.
Tell his parents you'll do you the same if you have to get back together. There's no real argument they have if all they're saying is he's threatening to do it again. They wouldn't want you to go through with that, right?
Hopefully that gets the point through that you can't just get what you want by threatening to off yourself.
Dude, thats more than reason enough, shaking ass like a single lady is disrespectful behavior for a marriage, people Will 100% think she's easy and you are a sucker, all the sleamy dudes who go to clubs target wives who are alone because it's an “easy target”
Maybe a married couple here and there go to clubs to have fun and whatever but in most cases clubs are single people hunting grounds for a ONS, and wives on clubs without their partners are looked like “She wants to cheat, easy target”. I'm not saying any of this is right or wrong, just the ways it is looked upon most of the time. Besides her behavior is very shady.
Advice: hire a PI, and if You get evidence don't confront, plan the exit first.
Well I noticed that it's not the same after even a couple days, and it just kept going down. We live so far apart, really far apart but there's still a possibility of living together, but it would probably take about a year if everything goes well. We can meet even sooner, it would be costly but it would be.
Again like, I know that this is not a reasonable feeling but as I said, I can't control how I feel.
The password thing is weird asf. Now as far as not wanting people to use devices, I don't really want anyone touching my computer that I use for my business regardless what it is, so if it's a laptop he uses for work I 100% get it. The rest of my devices I don't really care
Ahhh, NO! This man has some issues. First off he is a manipulator. He's constantly trying to manipulate you with this constant “women want me” BS. I'm seriously glad you did not accept his marriage proposal after only 4 months. That's ludicrous. It should be years of dating and getting to know a person before a commitment like that.
One of my best friends sleeps with her dog. When I sleep at her place, the dog snoring drives me completely crazy.
I'm an absolute dog lover, but dogs in bed are a big no for me. I find it unhygienic and a turn-off to any form of intimacy.
I don't have any advice on how to handle the situation (your dogs have their habit now, and so do you. It'd be hard to change it by now). It would probably be a deal breaker for me. I hope you guys can figure it out!
Well midlife crisis is one thing and anxiety/depression is another. The former is an existential thing but not a mental illness. You don't “get help” for a midlife crisis. You do get help for a mental illness.
Other than that clarification, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe have a better definition of what his actual problem is.
Manipulating the mother of his children by accusing her of “murdering” a fetus that they both agreed to terminate is beyond cruel and inhumane. I am so sorry that happened OP.
I know you believe he is a good father/husband. If he is putting his own want far above your need to the point of such cruelty he is NOT a good partner. He is prioritizing a “potential” human over the wellbeing of his wife.
You know what the options are:
Stay and do what he wants. You know what that will mean for your life. Would you ever forgive your husband? Yourself? Could you be present in an authentic way? If not, your options are:
Keep the child but tell your husband to figure out care as you will be returning to work. Staying home or finding other care- his responsibility. He will be resentful and probably find ways to make you miserable. I can also imagine him making promises then backing out last minute, putting all on you.
Agree to allow your SIL to adopt. You would still be able to form an aunt/uncle/cousins relationship with the child, SIL would have the baby she desperately wants and the child would be safe and loved. Guessing if he agreed his response would be same as above.
Divorce and decide what you could accept as far as custody. You will have your independence and autonomy, pursue your goals and have time for yourself. Happier people make better parents and better examples for their kids. Divorce is awful, but not as awful as losing your autonomy.
Before sitting down with him to discuss the options, it would be wise to consult a lawyer to prepare for the possibility of him retaliating. Even if you think he would never, people can get very angry when they feel a loss of control. Be ready. Protect your finances and assets. If you need a list of items/documents to safeguard please message me and I can get you started. The nuclear option would be to have a separation agreement prepared- it would show him that you are not making empty threats.
Best of luck. Please don’t sell your soul for a man who is capable of calling you a murderer (or for any other reason!).
The only part of the wedding I'm looking forward to is the ceremony, the celebration with our friends and family. The certificate doesn't matter to me.
Look I'm not going to tell u to break up with him because ultimately it is ur choice hun.
But you have every right to be weary. You aren't being controlling. You aren't pressuing him. You arent being manipulative and u aren't using your past trauma against him. I need u to know that!
His reaction was out of pocket and douchy. He has no right to blame you for his actions.
It's easy to only see the good and dismiss the bad. He probably is now apologetic because you didn't roll over and die at his unreasonable bullshit.
Please just expect better and don't allow him to gaslight u. A man that is all talk about marriage and securing a future with you shouldn't be this hesitant and getting nagged to get rid of something from years past
And you should think long and hard about his behavior and actions hereafter if u choose to stick with his bumass.
Also i would suggest he make haste with finding a place very soon. You arent a bnb as kind as u are. U need ur own safe space away from someone that has outburst like this. I'm not saying it's a regular thing.. but rather safe than sorry. U dont want urself to feel trapped by being in the same house as this dude if he proceeds to be a dick.
She needs some serious mental help. You need to take her to her mother's, let her family know that she tried to kill herself by jumping out of a moving vehicle on the freeway and that you are no longer going to be in a relationship with her because she puts your life in jeopardy. And then go home and anything that she may have at your house, box up and either put out in the front yard or take it to her mother's and then walk out of this girl's life before she takes yours with her
He was potentially sleeping with you both until she found out about you? That would be something I would raise with him, personally, or I would ask her if she has anything she can offer to prove that so that you can go to him with something tangible to have that conversation.
Even without that, this man has known you a month and a half and is currently lovebombing you on a horrific scale. He shouldn’t be talking about marriage this early on, and he seems to be doing things like posting photos of you and specifically telling you he never posted photos of her.
Why do you think he felt the need to specify that?
Yep, I'm in full agreement. I saw the trap, plain as day, and still walked into it.
Right now, I'm curious when the hammer will come down on her more than anything. Our friend circles intersect in a few spots. So I've got my popcorn ready and biding my time for now.
As much as I feel like shit from this, I really do think we would have made an awesome couple. Too bad it didn't play out the way I'd hoped.
My best guess is that someone else close to her found the video and gave her the choice to come forward herself or they would. Or she and your wife had a falling out. Your wife was already making out and heavy petting in front of her friend, so why get another room? Because they wanted to do more than what they already have done in front of her.
What day of the trip was the video taken? If it was middle to last, then she had an ONS on day 1 or 2, then it turned into a second round on day 3 or 4. If you heard her in the video say “again” they yes they did some form of sexual contact. And ask specific questions instead of did you have sex? Because people can twist in their minds that x or y is not sex but z is, while you will say that x and y are definitely sex as well.
She said she’d see you in three weeks. Stop trying to contact her. That takes away the power of the silent treatment. At the end of three weeks no contact, you may decide you don’t really miss her game playing.
I can buy doing that on accident, even a couple times but: he holds you and comforts you as you sob in pain after and …. is not emotionally impacted by this enough to at least be discussing prevention? Granted, OP doesn’t mention his reaction so maybe he is but I’d assume that would factor here- I am cynical enough that I tend to think that there’s more to it if she’s leaning towards believing that it’s deliberate.
Hey, OP: you also mentioned his “great interest” but nothing about your response to it. I imagine now even if it was once favorable, definitely not appealing- but I am curious about this and why it’s easier to believe that he’s done it on purpose. I mean, if that’s the case, particularly as he’s comforting you when you’re in pain- that’s a whole lot of messed up you didn’t consent to.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write this.
I agree with you on letting sleeping dogs lie, only if this becomes habit will I maybe bring it up again. You make a good point regarding earlier dinners, I used to eat around 5/5.30 and somehow it’s just crept forward, I will try to make sure I’m eating earlier if me and him are eating together in future.
I need to work on working out my emotions before raising anything with him. Maybe if I had taken more time, as you say I would have realised it wasn’t a major thing.
Once again, thank you. Your thoughts have been a big help to me
Okay, I would suggest putting this decision onto your GF & her parents. Since you & your GF know what happened, and you want to make her parents comfortable.
Maybe they’ll find the humor in it and not be bothered by it…
Maybe they’ll want to not call attention to it…
Etc.
The plan would be to put her parents the one in control of this situation.
Have your GF give them a call about it and let them decide what to do.
GF on phone with them: I accidentally elbowed … and gave him a black eye. Right now, we’re trying to decide what’s best to do for tonight. Should we make alternate plans?
Sorry for not being clear enough.. We are still togheter as a couple trying to work things out. But we are not living togheter at this moment because mostly myself needed some time alone on my own. But we are exclusive to eachother still.
Remember if u are not helpful u can always stfu
Omg she contacted you? I'm so sorry you were put through that. And yeah, this sounds quite similar. More and more I'm realizing what I thought was love om his part was probably obsession. And that obsession has been replaced replaced his new female friends and asmr girlfriend and ear licking videos. His new friends, I should point out, are the ones making the asmr. He's in a whole community now.
No ?♂️ but time heals, hopefully lol. Are you okay?
*mean
Call him in it tell him you’re in for a threesome him and another guy. See what he says.
Yes, well said. It's 2022, not 1722.
This man reeks of misogyny. The fact he impregnated OP when he was 26 and she was 18. The fact he clearly has formed zero emotional connection to his 2 daughters, even though the eldest is 6 years old. The fact that his lack of care towards his own children indicates that OP does 100% of the childcare (and most likely the brunt of the housework too WHILE WORKING). The fact he thinks he deserves a son and thinks it’s OP’s responsibility to give him one despite her unwillingness to do so.
I want to know, if he had a son, would he give him up if OP died? Or is it just his daughters that he doesn’t want?
hypothetical scenarios. you want to end years of your built life by asking internet strangers how green the grass is on the other side. you can find out how green the grass is and deal with that forever, or maybe ask your partner how green the grass is form his view.
Strangulation is the number one predictor of the death of the spouse being abused. You need to take your kids and get out now!!!! If something happens to you…Your children will be with her. Is that what you want for your children? Besides…your children see what's going on…and they themselves can become abusers or be abused. Do whatever it takes, but get away now. File whatever you have to, to keep those kids. I have worked in a Domestic shelter for a long time now. This. does. not. get. better…it will only get worse. Then get yourself and your kids in therapy. PLEASE!!!!
Tell him. He deserves to know. You owe her nothing .
You certainly seem angry – is it because they used paragraphs? Or just because I disagreed with you. If the former, paragraphs, spelling and grammar are not challenges to everyone even if they are hard pressed for time and energy. Sometimes the careful consideration of the ideas is what is more challenging- especially when you’ve had few consecutive hours of sleep.
Terrible. Make a stand. Seriously, the stereotype is day to day here. You’re not special. Act now.
This is a thing. Sometimes you get in relationships where people are controlling/shame you for spending on yourself. It’s not great.
Look at the way you talk about the relationship. You saw potential for a long relationship. Unfortunately, that’s all it was, potential.
Ignore everything he said. People lie or stretch the truth during breakups. They feel guilty and want to let you down as easily as possible, so they say things like “I didn’t lose feelings” to make you feel like you didn’t fail. Or things like “you deserve better” so you’ll hate him and move on faster. At the end of the day, he’s the one not staying with you. If he truly loved or cared for you, he wouldn’t risk losing you. He would make things work with you despite his stress for school. He wouldn’t want to lose you to somebody else.
As much as this seems sudden, hes been thinking about this for a while. Could’ve been days, weeks, or maybe the whole relationship. He’s made the conscious choice after a lot of thinking to break up with you, and that’s why you can never take him back no matter what.
You need to make the decision for yourself, but I really really really recommend you remove him from your life. I’ve been there before, as with many, so please trust me when I say you won’t be able to move on with him as a friend. He’ll keep you around as a second, third, fourth option or for the occasional drunk hookup. You’ll get no space from him and will be stuck in love with him with no guarantee that you’ll be together. He decided to make you something that wasn’t his first choice, so he doesn’t deserve to get a great person like you in his life. He’s basically tossing you aside but still reaping all the benefits of having you care about him, and that’s not right. You need to go FULL no contact. Delete his number, block him if you need. Unfollow and remove him as a follower on all social media. Trust me, I know it’s hard to press that unfollow button, but it’s going to make things a lot better if you do it now than if you wait.
Good luck, and remember that you’ll make it through this. Spend this time to grow and learn from the relationship, and take your time to hurt and heal. It’s only your first relationship, and you’ll survive. Good luck!
Being intentionally deceived by the person she is supposed to be able to trust most. Full-stop that’s something I’d divorce over. What else does he feel justified hiding?
You are not bring unreasonable. All women are different and like different things in bed. The same is true with men. If you started telling him what your former boyfriends liked that he doesn’t, or things they did that he doesn’t do, he might get the message. But he sounds very immature and insensitive, and if he won’t stop even when you explained why it bothers you, it is a problem you might not be able to overcome.
Karma??
You have destroyed your family with this decision.
You chose to do this.
The truth will come out.
You seem to know very little about how young kids actually operate and you’re holding it against this 3-year-old. Please break up with him for his child’s sake.
What do you think being in a relationship is for? What are the aims of a relationship for you? Because all I can see in your post is frustration, disappointment, a lack of respect and problem after problem whichever way you turn.
I divorced after 17 years of marriage. I wanted it to work. I had committed to something and had three children. But when you are the only person in the relationship who is committed to it, there’s little you can do.
It was scary. Why couldn’t I just put up with it? Marriage is tough, right?! I felt like I was being selfish by throwing a grenade into my children’s lives.
When you are in this sort of situation, you sometimes just let the days, weeks and months pass. But you owe yourself more.
Tell his parents you'll do you the same if you have to get back together. There's no real argument they have if all they're saying is he's threatening to do it again. They wouldn't want you to go through with that, right?
Hopefully that gets the point through that you can't just get what you want by threatening to off yourself.
This
“We just like to shake some ass”.
And this
I have no reason to distrust my wife.
Dude, thats more than reason enough, shaking ass like a single lady is disrespectful behavior for a marriage, people Will 100% think she's easy and you are a sucker, all the sleamy dudes who go to clubs target wives who are alone because it's an “easy target”
Maybe a married couple here and there go to clubs to have fun and whatever but in most cases clubs are single people hunting grounds for a ONS, and wives on clubs without their partners are looked like “She wants to cheat, easy target”. I'm not saying any of this is right or wrong, just the ways it is looked upon most of the time. Besides her behavior is very shady.
Advice: hire a PI, and if You get evidence don't confront, plan the exit first.
I didn't say you were hysterical, that's another exaggeration. Yes men are involved but the son is also a victim.
Well I noticed that it's not the same after even a couple days, and it just kept going down. We live so far apart, really far apart but there's still a possibility of living together, but it would probably take about a year if everything goes well. We can meet even sooner, it would be costly but it would be.
Again like, I know that this is not a reasonable feeling but as I said, I can't control how I feel.
The password thing is weird asf. Now as far as not wanting people to use devices, I don't really want anyone touching my computer that I use for my business regardless what it is, so if it's a laptop he uses for work I 100% get it. The rest of my devices I don't really care
Ahhh, NO! This man has some issues. First off he is a manipulator. He's constantly trying to manipulate you with this constant “women want me” BS. I'm seriously glad you did not accept his marriage proposal after only 4 months. That's ludicrous. It should be years of dating and getting to know a person before a commitment like that.
….I don't think you know that much about pregnancy if you'd call that “incredibly” unlikely.
That’s like asking how many guns are in a Keanu reeves movie. Depends on the movie! Some have a lot, some have few.
This isn’t real lmao
One of my best friends sleeps with her dog. When I sleep at her place, the dog snoring drives me completely crazy.
I'm an absolute dog lover, but dogs in bed are a big no for me. I find it unhygienic and a turn-off to any form of intimacy.
I don't have any advice on how to handle the situation (your dogs have their habit now, and so do you. It'd be hard to change it by now). It would probably be a deal breaker for me. I hope you guys can figure it out!
Well midlife crisis is one thing and anxiety/depression is another. The former is an existential thing but not a mental illness. You don't “get help” for a midlife crisis. You do get help for a mental illness.
Other than that clarification, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe have a better definition of what his actual problem is.
Manipulating the mother of his children by accusing her of “murdering” a fetus that they both agreed to terminate is beyond cruel and inhumane. I am so sorry that happened OP.
I know you believe he is a good father/husband. If he is putting his own want far above your need to the point of such cruelty he is NOT a good partner. He is prioritizing a “potential” human over the wellbeing of his wife.
You know what the options are:
Stay and do what he wants. You know what that will mean for your life. Would you ever forgive your husband? Yourself? Could you be present in an authentic way? If not, your options are:
Keep the child but tell your husband to figure out care as you will be returning to work. Staying home or finding other care- his responsibility. He will be resentful and probably find ways to make you miserable. I can also imagine him making promises then backing out last minute, putting all on you.
Agree to allow your SIL to adopt. You would still be able to form an aunt/uncle/cousins relationship with the child, SIL would have the baby she desperately wants and the child would be safe and loved. Guessing if he agreed his response would be same as above.
Divorce and decide what you could accept as far as custody. You will have your independence and autonomy, pursue your goals and have time for yourself. Happier people make better parents and better examples for their kids. Divorce is awful, but not as awful as losing your autonomy.
Before sitting down with him to discuss the options, it would be wise to consult a lawyer to prepare for the possibility of him retaliating. Even if you think he would never, people can get very angry when they feel a loss of control. Be ready. Protect your finances and assets. If you need a list of items/documents to safeguard please message me and I can get you started. The nuclear option would be to have a separation agreement prepared- it would show him that you are not making empty threats.
Best of luck. Please don’t sell your soul for a man who is capable of calling you a murderer (or for any other reason!).
The only part of the wedding I'm looking forward to is the ceremony, the celebration with our friends and family. The certificate doesn't matter to me.
Umm so you just want a wedding?
I had a scar from mine. Only reason you can't see it is I got a tattoo over the spot my nexplanon had been.
It also was by far the worst for me emotionally. I won't recommend a nexplanon to anyone.
Why not?
Look I'm not going to tell u to break up with him because ultimately it is ur choice hun.
But you have every right to be weary. You aren't being controlling. You aren't pressuing him. You arent being manipulative and u aren't using your past trauma against him. I need u to know that!
His reaction was out of pocket and douchy. He has no right to blame you for his actions.
It's easy to only see the good and dismiss the bad. He probably is now apologetic because you didn't roll over and die at his unreasonable bullshit.
Please just expect better and don't allow him to gaslight u. A man that is all talk about marriage and securing a future with you shouldn't be this hesitant and getting nagged to get rid of something from years past
And you should think long and hard about his behavior and actions hereafter if u choose to stick with his bumass.
Also i would suggest he make haste with finding a place very soon. You arent a bnb as kind as u are. U need ur own safe space away from someone that has outburst like this. I'm not saying it's a regular thing.. but rather safe than sorry. U dont want urself to feel trapped by being in the same house as this dude if he proceeds to be a dick.
She needs some serious mental help. You need to take her to her mother's, let her family know that she tried to kill herself by jumping out of a moving vehicle on the freeway and that you are no longer going to be in a relationship with her because she puts your life in jeopardy. And then go home and anything that she may have at your house, box up and either put out in the front yard or take it to her mother's and then walk out of this girl's life before she takes yours with her
I think you come off as a bit much, but whether that’s the case or not, he seems like a horrible partner.
You’re right to be upset about it, but now what? He obviously doesn’t agree. Do you just let it go?
He was potentially sleeping with you both until she found out about you? That would be something I would raise with him, personally, or I would ask her if she has anything she can offer to prove that so that you can go to him with something tangible to have that conversation.
Even without that, this man has known you a month and a half and is currently lovebombing you on a horrific scale. He shouldn’t be talking about marriage this early on, and he seems to be doing things like posting photos of you and specifically telling you he never posted photos of her.
Why do you think he felt the need to specify that?
Honestly, nothing about this sounds good.
Yep, I'm in full agreement. I saw the trap, plain as day, and still walked into it.
Right now, I'm curious when the hammer will come down on her more than anything. Our friend circles intersect in a few spots. So I've got my popcorn ready and biding my time for now.
As much as I feel like shit from this, I really do think we would have made an awesome couple. Too bad it didn't play out the way I'd hoped.
You could move out.
My best guess is that someone else close to her found the video and gave her the choice to come forward herself or they would. Or she and your wife had a falling out. Your wife was already making out and heavy petting in front of her friend, so why get another room? Because they wanted to do more than what they already have done in front of her.
What day of the trip was the video taken? If it was middle to last, then she had an ONS on day 1 or 2, then it turned into a second round on day 3 or 4. If you heard her in the video say “again” they yes they did some form of sexual contact. And ask specific questions instead of did you have sex? Because people can twist in their minds that x or y is not sex but z is, while you will say that x and y are definitely sex as well.
Sorry.
She said she’d see you in three weeks. Stop trying to contact her. That takes away the power of the silent treatment. At the end of three weeks no contact, you may decide you don’t really miss her game playing.
I can buy doing that on accident, even a couple times but: he holds you and comforts you as you sob in pain after and …. is not emotionally impacted by this enough to at least be discussing prevention? Granted, OP doesn’t mention his reaction so maybe he is but I’d assume that would factor here- I am cynical enough that I tend to think that there’s more to it if she’s leaning towards believing that it’s deliberate.
Hey, OP: you also mentioned his “great interest” but nothing about your response to it. I imagine now even if it was once favorable, definitely not appealing- but I am curious about this and why it’s easier to believe that he’s done it on purpose. I mean, if that’s the case, particularly as he’s comforting you when you’re in pain- that’s a whole lot of messed up you didn’t consent to.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write this.
I agree with you on letting sleeping dogs lie, only if this becomes habit will I maybe bring it up again. You make a good point regarding earlier dinners, I used to eat around 5/5.30 and somehow it’s just crept forward, I will try to make sure I’m eating earlier if me and him are eating together in future.
I need to work on working out my emotions before raising anything with him. Maybe if I had taken more time, as you say I would have realised it wasn’t a major thing.
Once again, thank you. Your thoughts have been a big help to me
Sounds like the kind of shit toxic men say.
Okay, I would suggest putting this decision onto your GF & her parents. Since you & your GF know what happened, and you want to make her parents comfortable.
Maybe they’ll find the humor in it and not be bothered by it…
Maybe they’ll want to not call attention to it…
Etc.
The plan would be to put her parents the one in control of this situation.
Have your GF give them a call about it and let them decide what to do.
GF on phone with them: I accidentally elbowed … and gave him a black eye. Right now, we’re trying to decide what’s best to do for tonight. Should we make alternate plans?
You don’t stay in the tingly, lusty stage forever. You become each other’s best friend and your lives grow together as the love deepens.
But make sure that you’re doing regular date nights and not just the same thing each date. Mix it up.
Sorry for not being clear enough.. We are still togheter as a couple trying to work things out. But we are not living togheter at this moment because mostly myself needed some time alone on my own. But we are exclusive to eachother still.