Why do need to be equal in earning power? Do you belive that if you fix your home and do a traditional role to some extent , you aren't equal? Do you think it's tit for tat?
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This dude has been too dependent on women supporting him. His mom, financially; you, academically. Remember, the two of you got together in your teens! You've matured, sounds like he hasn't. You cannot get him to have initiative or maturity, it doesn't work that way. I think you should break up, even though he hasn't done anything terrible. You two have grown apart.
For real. Going up and down the comments arguing with every single person, except for the one who tells him to hold his relationship hostage, and become an asshole to her. That'll solve things ?
Like I said. He doesn't want a solution. It's also why he's reducing a huge marital issue down to a Oprah book chapter. She's withdrawn from him emotionally and physically and he's all up in here saying she's happy. Not a chance pal.
So I actually don't understand how it's come to this either, we had sex three times (which isn't a ton still, but is worth mentioning) with zero problems while I was still in college. When I graduated in May (and also all four months before that) we didn't have sex until that last time eight-ish months ago. She was on Zoloft at the time, which she retains is the reason she didn't have this problem, and suddenly stopped taking it (I believe it was a therapist recommendation but she never gave a straight answer when I asked).
To your team answer, I've been trying to ask what she needs, if she wants me to help (participate? Idk), and whatever else, but she locks the door when she uses them and kicks me into the living room.
I think you're right, though, that it might have to move to couples counseling. Speaking to therapists separately hasn't seemed to sway any results.
I will also add, I wasn't aware of the Vaginismus until we moved in together because I don't think she was aware of it. We never had sex often and were slightly long distance (2 hour drive between or colleges) for most of our relationship.
You obviously don’t understand how self defense laws work. The law would not, in any circumstance, allow him to hit his daughter’s boyfriend as a defense from her boyfriend hitting her. That right there takes away 50% of what you said.
Second, you are only able to defend yourself to a certain extent, and under certain circumstances. If OP wasn’t in any trouble, OP could also STILL be held liable for any damage/harm caused to his daughter’s boyfriend, including making him shit himself.
“Nothing super bad”….follows up with what most people would be considered super bad. Sure it didn’t end in anything physical but the stress of all that yelling with a stranger in your house with possibility of physical altercation is bad
First, no one can be the perfect partner, so don’t expect yourself to be. You (or anyone else) accepts boundaries or even flaws of their partners and that’s just what dating is: accepting the good and bad that makes the person.
Second, the only way to get what you want is to ask for it. If you expect someone to notice hints or read your mind you will just be disappointed and resentful, and this is something I have a lot of trouble with too.
Third, you can’t change anyone. You can only react to who they are, and that is defined by their actions.
So I would tell her your concerns as nicely as possible, and express how it is making you feel, and then based on her reaction you will be able to determine how she feels.
If she reacts by becoming offended, then she probably doesn’t care about you as much as you care about her. If she is apologetic, then she probably just doesn’t realize the stress it is putting on you and/or is just terrible with money and has a “don’t think about it” approach like many people.
I mean, boss sounds weird. But you should 100% NOT talk to her work about it. She is a grown adult and you should not be involved in her work business. You can support her doing it but absolutely do not make calls to her business about this.
You think you didn’t do anything wrong but you did. My dad thinks the same as you and we only communicate from 3rd parties. I even went no contact for a long time.
Until you admit your faults and try to amend your mistakes you will never get your daughter back. People are rude because you are being so callous towards her feelings and seemingly just want her money.
Go to your graduation, you've worked too naked to miss it, and attend the evening bit of his wedding. You wouldn't even have to change (obviously remove the cap and gown).
Yeah, that's what I think too. Her parents make her feel like she's only as loved as well she does in school and unproblematic she is. I want to make her feel like she's loved regardless of fuck ups
Leave her alone. You smoked in the house that shit stains the walls and everything in it. She made it clear she doesn’t like it and then you’re surprised this happened?
And also? “She’s not used to someone raising their voice at her” sounds more like you don’t know how to get your point across without yelling and may even have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry, but this whole thing is just wild to me. Sure she's upset, but she's also not entitled to have sex with him just because she put effort in. If the tables would be turned, I feel like people would still be jumping down OP's throat. Imagine he gets that upset and offended and talks about how any other woman would fuck him just because she's not interested. That is a ridiculous statement to make. I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind this one.
Don’t wear it, Everyone here is stating it is not common sense or that your gf is controlling but as Woman to Other Woman who have been in this situation, I have had women with other intentions give gifts to my boyfriend before under the guise that everyone got the same thing. After this person saw my bf wear the keychain she started kind of pushing towards my boyfriend and started wanting to wander across the line knowing he was indeed in a relationship.
It sure is insignificant to you but at times something so minuscule like that can become something greater and I think your gf is right for having this intuition.
Your girlfriend is not controlling but I sense she doesn’t use the right words when communicating. Don’t give her a naked time for that.
“Delete all male friends off social media” is usually how controlling behavior starts. You don’t see it right now, but choosing being able to control who you’re friends with on social media over what your boyfriend wanted ended up saving you from further controlling behavior and abuse.
Keep him locked on everything, flag and block his phone number with your carrier. If he tries to contact you again, time for a restraining order.
Why do need to be equal in earning power? Do you belive that if you fix your home and do a traditional role to some extent , you aren't equal? Do you think it's tit for tat?
Weird to psychoanalyse someone as a professional without even having met them and evaluated them. Is that a common practice for you?
Been there, done that. You can't stay. It hurts, but it's not sustainable long term.
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This dude has been too dependent on women supporting him. His mom, financially; you, academically. Remember, the two of you got together in your teens! You've matured, sounds like he hasn't. You cannot get him to have initiative or maturity, it doesn't work that way. I think you should break up, even though he hasn't done anything terrible. You two have grown apart.
For real. Going up and down the comments arguing with every single person, except for the one who tells him to hold his relationship hostage, and become an asshole to her. That'll solve things ?
Like I said. He doesn't want a solution. It's also why he's reducing a huge marital issue down to a Oprah book chapter. She's withdrawn from him emotionally and physically and he's all up in here saying she's happy. Not a chance pal.
She’s 24
So I actually don't understand how it's come to this either, we had sex three times (which isn't a ton still, but is worth mentioning) with zero problems while I was still in college. When I graduated in May (and also all four months before that) we didn't have sex until that last time eight-ish months ago. She was on Zoloft at the time, which she retains is the reason she didn't have this problem, and suddenly stopped taking it (I believe it was a therapist recommendation but she never gave a straight answer when I asked).
To your team answer, I've been trying to ask what she needs, if she wants me to help (participate? Idk), and whatever else, but she locks the door when she uses them and kicks me into the living room.
I think you're right, though, that it might have to move to couples counseling. Speaking to therapists separately hasn't seemed to sway any results.
I will also add, I wasn't aware of the Vaginismus until we moved in together because I don't think she was aware of it. We never had sex often and were slightly long distance (2 hour drive between or colleges) for most of our relationship.
I don’t think he wants kids.
Yes, last summer. At the time we said we'd reassess (at the earliest) when my son gets vaccinated sometime after the 6 month mark.
You obviously don’t understand how self defense laws work. The law would not, in any circumstance, allow him to hit his daughter’s boyfriend as a defense from her boyfriend hitting her. That right there takes away 50% of what you said.
Second, you are only able to defend yourself to a certain extent, and under certain circumstances. If OP wasn’t in any trouble, OP could also STILL be held liable for any damage/harm caused to his daughter’s boyfriend, including making him shit himself.
“Nothing super bad”….follows up with what most people would be considered super bad. Sure it didn’t end in anything physical but the stress of all that yelling with a stranger in your house with possibility of physical altercation is bad
First, no one can be the perfect partner, so don’t expect yourself to be. You (or anyone else) accepts boundaries or even flaws of their partners and that’s just what dating is: accepting the good and bad that makes the person.
Second, the only way to get what you want is to ask for it. If you expect someone to notice hints or read your mind you will just be disappointed and resentful, and this is something I have a lot of trouble with too.
Third, you can’t change anyone. You can only react to who they are, and that is defined by their actions.
So I would tell her your concerns as nicely as possible, and express how it is making you feel, and then based on her reaction you will be able to determine how she feels.
If she reacts by becoming offended, then she probably doesn’t care about you as much as you care about her. If she is apologetic, then she probably just doesn’t realize the stress it is putting on you and/or is just terrible with money and has a “don’t think about it” approach like many people.
A therapist is definitely the right route to take!
I mean, boss sounds weird. But you should 100% NOT talk to her work about it. She is a grown adult and you should not be involved in her work business. You can support her doing it but absolutely do not make calls to her business about this.
You think you didn’t do anything wrong but you did. My dad thinks the same as you and we only communicate from 3rd parties. I even went no contact for a long time.
Until you admit your faults and try to amend your mistakes you will never get your daughter back. People are rude because you are being so callous towards her feelings and seemingly just want her money.
Go to your graduation, you've worked too naked to miss it, and attend the evening bit of his wedding. You wouldn't even have to change (obviously remove the cap and gown).
You cheated, he raped you-this marriage is over. Put things in place to leave safely and get a lawyer to help with custody of kids
He knows it bothers you, he doesn't care. He likes saying shitty things to you.
Yeah, that's what I think too. Her parents make her feel like she's only as loved as well she does in school and unproblematic she is. I want to make her feel like she's loved regardless of fuck ups
Leave her alone. You smoked in the house that shit stains the walls and everything in it. She made it clear she doesn’t like it and then you’re surprised this happened?
And also? “She’s not used to someone raising their voice at her” sounds more like you don’t know how to get your point across without yelling and may even have a drinking problem.
Nobody plays 20 hours a day and still fit in work and sleep. The exaggerating is not helping me gauge for a good advice here.
But it would be something along the lines of either you accept someone's lifestyle or you find another person who more matches your own.
But you were 26 when you made the statement. Not every thought that pops into your head should come out of your mouth. You are still immature.
I'm sorry, but this whole thing is just wild to me. Sure she's upset, but she's also not entitled to have sex with him just because she put effort in. If the tables would be turned, I feel like people would still be jumping down OP's throat. Imagine he gets that upset and offended and talks about how any other woman would fuck him just because she's not interested. That is a ridiculous statement to make. I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind this one.
“Lets go to that address together. Right now. Knock on the door and find out who it is.”
I'm willing to bet that it's some womans house.
I'm also willing to bet his credit card has a charge for the restaurant.
Don’t wear it, Everyone here is stating it is not common sense or that your gf is controlling but as Woman to Other Woman who have been in this situation, I have had women with other intentions give gifts to my boyfriend before under the guise that everyone got the same thing. After this person saw my bf wear the keychain she started kind of pushing towards my boyfriend and started wanting to wander across the line knowing he was indeed in a relationship.
It sure is insignificant to you but at times something so minuscule like that can become something greater and I think your gf is right for having this intuition.
Your girlfriend is not controlling but I sense she doesn’t use the right words when communicating. Don’t give her a naked time for that.
“Delete all male friends off social media” is usually how controlling behavior starts. You don’t see it right now, but choosing being able to control who you’re friends with on social media over what your boyfriend wanted ended up saving you from further controlling behavior and abuse.