Seriously, you got good parents, a good head on your shoulders, and a good boyfriend. Keep your good blades close and have a good life.
(Your parents don't need to know btw.) Ahem As a dad, it's better to ask me for forgiveness, not permission, that I'll deny, then get mad at you for doing anyway. (hypothetically) and I'm sorry to your dad for giving away that one……but have fun, oh and happy anniversary ?
Ok, I'm getting a little more of a jist of what's going on. And you shouldn't be so very hot on yourself, you're actually explaining yourself pretty well! And just to give you an idea of where I'm coming from in my replies, I'm a woman in my 40's; I got married relatively young, been divorced, and now have since remarried. So with that said, 1. Don't apologize for having outside interests separate from her. It's good to have a hobby that you enjoy in order to relax and unwind – especially after a long day of work, sometimes you just need to decompress first, before being able to engage with your spouse for the rest of the evening. So kudos to you for listening and acknowledging her prior complaint about spending too much time gaming and were able to find a middle ground where you got to do your thing, but not ignore her in the process. And additional props for going out of your way and setting up “date night” and such! And she is contributing too, right? I hope that she is not putting it all on you…. Anyway, personally, I don't think what you've been doing (as far as her feeling ignored) really has been all that bad. Granted, I'm not there to bear witness but, it just doesn't seem to be as bad as she is making it out to be. Therefore, throwing “divorce” out on the table is a pretty extreme response. I have a suspicion that something else may be going on. I would suggest that perhaps y'all should try couples counseling first. Based upon my experience with marriage (as well as divorce), the issue that y'all are having is actually something that can be resolved. But I think it would be helpful to have a mediator there in order for you to have someone who can help explain your feelings better, and for her, to help reign in the emotional response so as to be more logical and level-headed. Now I have made sense lol!
I don’t think it’s a big deal that you looked since he’s literally your husband, you’ve likely sacrificed more than plenty by now and that’s some pathetic and cringey old man behavior
I was in the exact same situation, but on the I had Chlamydia side. I didn't cheat on her, we had been seeing each other for months until I did a routine doc visit and got the news, she got tested and came up negative (she had an IUD so we weren't exactly having protected sex these months) even after 3 different tests. Talked to my mom about it and apparently my sister had that exact same situation happen, idk if it was genetic or some shit but sometimes it just doesn't get to the other person and they very well could have it from a previous partner if they weren't tested during your relationship
It’s totally ok imo. You like who you like. My bf is 13 years older than me. We got together when I was ~22 + have now been together for ~10 years. My parents were/are totally fine with this. Same goes for the rest of my family. No one has said anything about the age difference or even anything negative about our relationship in general. If you find someone that you like I see no reason not to go for it. Also, the older you get the less the gap matters. I think there’s a chart or something somewhere that explains it better than I can. I’ll look for it.
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I wouldn’t say she’s pressuring you. I would say that she is letting it be known what she wants. Which is a great quality.
If you want her to stop talking about it. Tell her you want it to be a surprise. So she needs to stop bringing it up for a bit. Tell her you’ll propose within a certain time frame – by 2024 you’ll have a ring. That will give her peace of mind that her goal of getting married is on your mind as well and it’s not gonna happen 5 years from now, it’s gonna happen soon
He's not helpless. He's a grown adult that's capable of critical thought, not a little impressionable 7 year old watching Youtube videos thinking Slenderman is real.
He's consciously making the choice to behave this way, and it's not at all comparable to a legitimate relationship annoyance that can be changed or reasoned with, such as bad table manners or not wanting to do the laundry or something.
He's consciously choosing to be a misogynistic asshole (let's refer to this behavior by its actual terminology and not the softened euphemism of 'alpha male' okay?). The only logical option for OP is to break up and move on.
Why do you have to bring that up to your parents you’re 22. Also you should trim and keep good hygiene of it. I suggest also take showers before sex stuff both of y’all not just you.
She never planned to tell you the truth, however when she was questioned, she wasn't prepared and as you mentioned her behaviour was odd, once she realised that she f'ed up with her behaviour, she knew that she has triggered the red flags, hence she “confessed.”
People do long distance while early stages of dating and still stay loyal to each other, yet your “Wife” of only 6 months had an affair. The thing is that she was only there for 3 months, so you can guess her eagerness of having some thrill that she couldn't stay loyal for a duration of 3 months. She knew what she was doing, she planned it all, she wanted that fling, hence she was able to cut off the AP at the end of the trip. Do you really think that it would have been this easy to cut off that person if all of this would have happened suddenly and she would have fallen for him? She was away and tried to make the most out of it as a single person.
On top of that she put your health at risk as you went there twice and probably as a couple you would have had sex, so she was having sex with that guy and you around the same time. Do get tested for STDs.
Even if you stay, every time you're away from home or she's away, you'll be paranoid about her whereabouts and what she's doing. Any message or call from an unknown number will bring you back to the square one.
Make her write the confession and save all the messages between them so that you have the undeniable proof of her infidelity and then talk to a lawyer. By staying with her you'll only expose yourself for any future infidelity from her end as she would know how to manipulate you into staying. If you think that you can give her an ultimatum that if she does it the next time you will leave then you'll be naive. She played you like a fool for 3 years now the ball is in your court, you can choose to stay with a cheater or move on without a cheater.
He only did that once, but I felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing. I talked to him but it hasn’t really made me feel better about it because he just keeps turning it to me have insecurities from my past and he promises he’s all for me. But it’s not that for me I think he really crossed a line by acting like that.
You do whatever you want, but I suggest you pack your stuff and leave if you on-line together. Please understand that this guy is insecure and accusing you of cheating. That’s disrespectful and not healthy communication. If you thought he was cheating maybe a conversation and if in fact you didn’t believe him. You probably would just end the relationship and leave, not act crazy calling himself names and talking shit to you all night. That’s absurd. I don’t understand why you would stay or try to convince him otherwise.
Please find yourself someone else to date. This guy is older and has issues that you can’t solve.
You don't need to confront him. He will undoubtedly find a way to gaslight you and make it your fault or try saying it's time for an open relationship as he has needs… just no. Don't.
He knows you saw, was probably trying to get you to see. Mission accomplished.
I am concerned he has private images and videos of you? If so, or you suspect he took those images with other women without their knowledge – then you take a male friend with you for back up and visit him. Demand he deletes any and all photos or videos of you – that you do not consent to him keeping or storing images of you and if he does you will pursue him using legal means. Then to confirm, afterwards send confirmation in a text (keep a copy) that he has not got permission of have or keep or store in any manner, private images of you.
Once you have texted him that he has no permission to have your images – treat him like the rubbish he is. We throw away trash and we don't keep it, talk to it or treasure it, it is trash. You block him and move on. Tell your friends and family he is a lying cheat and no one is to mention his name. He is not welcome in your life at all.
I an not too impressed with your bf. The fact that he continues to pressure you to have sex after you have said no – is a huge RED flag. The fact that he is driving when he is high is a second big RED flag. He is risking your life.
Think if it is worth being with a guy that is risking your life and trying to pressure you to have sex – and using drugs.
Sounds you could find a better person. If you want to stay. Make your expectations clear to this relationship and talk with him when he is not high. If he gaslights you – leave him – if he is ready to discuss it calmly and rationally – and suggest solutions – you might stay.
I'm also kinda worried about the fact I would have to admit I was snooping in her phone.
narcissistic personality disorder.
Yeeeeessssss??become brucelina Lee?
Seriously, you got good parents, a good head on your shoulders, and a good boyfriend. Keep your good blades close and have a good life.
(Your parents don't need to know btw.) Ahem As a dad, it's better to ask me for forgiveness, not permission, that I'll deny, then get mad at you for doing anyway. (hypothetically) and I'm sorry to your dad for giving away that one……but have fun, oh and happy anniversary ?
Ok, I'm getting a little more of a jist of what's going on. And you shouldn't be so very hot on yourself, you're actually explaining yourself pretty well! And just to give you an idea of where I'm coming from in my replies, I'm a woman in my 40's; I got married relatively young, been divorced, and now have since remarried. So with that said, 1. Don't apologize for having outside interests separate from her. It's good to have a hobby that you enjoy in order to relax and unwind – especially after a long day of work, sometimes you just need to decompress first, before being able to engage with your spouse for the rest of the evening. So kudos to you for listening and acknowledging her prior complaint about spending too much time gaming and were able to find a middle ground where you got to do your thing, but not ignore her in the process. And additional props for going out of your way and setting up “date night” and such! And she is contributing too, right? I hope that she is not putting it all on you…. Anyway, personally, I don't think what you've been doing (as far as her feeling ignored) really has been all that bad. Granted, I'm not there to bear witness but, it just doesn't seem to be as bad as she is making it out to be. Therefore, throwing “divorce” out on the table is a pretty extreme response. I have a suspicion that something else may be going on. I would suggest that perhaps y'all should try couples counseling first. Based upon my experience with marriage (as well as divorce), the issue that y'all are having is actually something that can be resolved. But I think it would be helpful to have a mediator there in order for you to have someone who can help explain your feelings better, and for her, to help reign in the emotional response so as to be more logical and level-headed. Now I have made sense lol!
I don’t think it’s a big deal that you looked since he’s literally your husband, you’ve likely sacrificed more than plenty by now and that’s some pathetic and cringey old man behavior
He’s probably cheating and projecting.
I was in the exact same situation, but on the I had Chlamydia side. I didn't cheat on her, we had been seeing each other for months until I did a routine doc visit and got the news, she got tested and came up negative (she had an IUD so we weren't exactly having protected sex these months) even after 3 different tests. Talked to my mom about it and apparently my sister had that exact same situation happen, idk if it was genetic or some shit but sometimes it just doesn't get to the other person and they very well could have it from a previous partner if they weren't tested during your relationship
It’s totally ok imo. You like who you like. My bf is 13 years older than me. We got together when I was ~22 + have now been together for ~10 years. My parents were/are totally fine with this. Same goes for the rest of my family. No one has said anything about the age difference or even anything negative about our relationship in general. If you find someone that you like I see no reason not to go for it. Also, the older you get the less the gap matters. I think there’s a chart or something somewhere that explains it better than I can. I’ll look for it.
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?? whatever you say.
You're welcome…you can get a lot of help by applying. Good luck…I wish you all the best.
I wouldn’t say she’s pressuring you. I would say that she is letting it be known what she wants. Which is a great quality.
If you want her to stop talking about it. Tell her you want it to be a surprise. So she needs to stop bringing it up for a bit. Tell her you’ll propose within a certain time frame – by 2024 you’ll have a ring. That will give her peace of mind that her goal of getting married is on your mind as well and it’s not gonna happen 5 years from now, it’s gonna happen soon
Yeah that
pretty sure he's your gay ex boyfriend lol
He's not helpless. He's a grown adult that's capable of critical thought, not a little impressionable 7 year old watching Youtube videos thinking Slenderman is real.
He's consciously making the choice to behave this way, and it's not at all comparable to a legitimate relationship annoyance that can be changed or reasoned with, such as bad table manners or not wanting to do the laundry or something.
He's consciously choosing to be a misogynistic asshole (let's refer to this behavior by its actual terminology and not the softened euphemism of 'alpha male' okay?). The only logical option for OP is to break up and move on.
He is lying. He was serious before. He sounds like a really bad friend (/and person, at least from how you describe him).
Why do you have to bring that up to your parents you’re 22. Also you should trim and keep good hygiene of it. I suggest also take showers before sex stuff both of y’all not just you.
The way to fix this is to immediately dump this abusive, gaslighting prick. Seriously. This guy is a jerk.
Just looks like they value their friendship to a different degree.
OP, you just take your holiday, sharpen a pencil…. and go enjoy your stay.
Why would you even think of taking anyone at all?
You are offered the unique opportunity to have a great stay.
Though it is nice of you to consider taking her as that allowed +1 … if she never takes you, why at all thinking about taking her?
Sometimes the amount of closeness, importance and value in friendship just isn't equally devided between two friends. Not mutual.
She never planned to tell you the truth, however when she was questioned, she wasn't prepared and as you mentioned her behaviour was odd, once she realised that she f'ed up with her behaviour, she knew that she has triggered the red flags, hence she “confessed.”
People do long distance while early stages of dating and still stay loyal to each other, yet your “Wife” of only 6 months had an affair. The thing is that she was only there for 3 months, so you can guess her eagerness of having some thrill that she couldn't stay loyal for a duration of 3 months. She knew what she was doing, she planned it all, she wanted that fling, hence she was able to cut off the AP at the end of the trip. Do you really think that it would have been this easy to cut off that person if all of this would have happened suddenly and she would have fallen for him? She was away and tried to make the most out of it as a single person.
On top of that she put your health at risk as you went there twice and probably as a couple you would have had sex, so she was having sex with that guy and you around the same time. Do get tested for STDs.
Even if you stay, every time you're away from home or she's away, you'll be paranoid about her whereabouts and what she's doing. Any message or call from an unknown number will bring you back to the square one.
Make her write the confession and save all the messages between them so that you have the undeniable proof of her infidelity and then talk to a lawyer. By staying with her you'll only expose yourself for any future infidelity from her end as she would know how to manipulate you into staying. If you think that you can give her an ultimatum that if she does it the next time you will leave then you'll be naive. She played you like a fool for 3 years now the ball is in your court, you can choose to stay with a cheater or move on without a cheater.
He only did that once, but I felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing. I talked to him but it hasn’t really made me feel better about it because he just keeps turning it to me have insecurities from my past and he promises he’s all for me. But it’s not that for me I think he really crossed a line by acting like that.
You do whatever you want, but I suggest you pack your stuff and leave if you on-line together. Please understand that this guy is insecure and accusing you of cheating. That’s disrespectful and not healthy communication. If you thought he was cheating maybe a conversation and if in fact you didn’t believe him. You probably would just end the relationship and leave, not act crazy calling himself names and talking shit to you all night. That’s absurd. I don’t understand why you would stay or try to convince him otherwise.
Please find yourself someone else to date. This guy is older and has issues that you can’t solve.
You don't need to confront him. He will undoubtedly find a way to gaslight you and make it your fault or try saying it's time for an open relationship as he has needs… just no. Don't.
He knows you saw, was probably trying to get you to see. Mission accomplished.
I am concerned he has private images and videos of you? If so, or you suspect he took those images with other women without their knowledge – then you take a male friend with you for back up and visit him. Demand he deletes any and all photos or videos of you – that you do not consent to him keeping or storing images of you and if he does you will pursue him using legal means. Then to confirm, afterwards send confirmation in a text (keep a copy) that he has not got permission of have or keep or store in any manner, private images of you.
Once you have texted him that he has no permission to have your images – treat him like the rubbish he is. We throw away trash and we don't keep it, talk to it or treasure it, it is trash. You block him and move on. Tell your friends and family he is a lying cheat and no one is to mention his name. He is not welcome in your life at all.
I an not too impressed with your bf. The fact that he continues to pressure you to have sex after you have said no – is a huge RED flag. The fact that he is driving when he is high is a second big RED flag. He is risking your life.
Think if it is worth being with a guy that is risking your life and trying to pressure you to have sex – and using drugs.
Sounds you could find a better person. If you want to stay. Make your expectations clear to this relationship and talk with him when he is not high. If he gaslights you – leave him – if he is ready to discuss it calmly and rationally – and suggest solutions – you might stay.
Indeed