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Date: October 9, 2022
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Don't have kids with someone who wouldn't marry you unless you are 1000% sure you wouldn't mind raising the child on your own. Even if you are, I would still recommend going for a sperm donor because that is less hassle for both you and the child long-term.
The reason he is okay with having kids and not getting married is because he doesn't see the kid as a commitment. You may see a child as a commitment, but he does not. He will leave if it doesn't work out. Don't have that child with him.
Google battered women's hotline and find a phone number for your area. Get to a safe place and call them, they will help.
Some time after you are safe, buy and read the book Why Does He Do That. It will help you understand, and avoid abusers in future.
thank you I will definitely try to baby him and walk him through the steps of getting into therapy. i think it would help him a lot not just in this aspect of our relationship but in a lot of other things in his life
That’s great to hear. Keep yourself busy and good company around you!! ♥️
Easy fix, take a new video with you and your current partner and send to said ex, that way they've both seen you with each other.
You are not a bad person. Accept this truth. Things in life can be good or bad. You can make choices that are good or bad. You are you, and you are not bad.
i see no reason to continue seeing this woman in any capacity.
Staying there for him is enabling him. He's checked out of the marriage and his family. He may be suddenly jolted back to reality coming home to an empty house. He may also be cheating there are many red flags in your post. Start snooping and don't make the mistake of confrontation without consulting a good lawyer first. Hope I'm wrong. Best of wishes and happy holidays.
You’re raising the child he abandoned!!! He needs to shut up and sit his ass right the fuck down
She said herself that Rose grew up saying that he wasn't her brother and would never be….and she stuck to it. She said she never saw him as a brother and that she never would- he was her friend.
The only one that felt that they were siblings was the mother. That's why she was so hurt. Because she tried desperately to not let it happen, and it did anyways. What the previous comment said about “forcing your worldview on others” does bring up a good point.
yeah i do
Based on everything you wrote, I don’t honestly think he loves you. The way you described him talking about things he “forgave” you for daily for almost a year? That’s not love. Don’t marry this guy. You do not want to be legally tied to someone like this.
You’ve been dating less than a year and you think it’s socially acceptable to demand that you sleep over at your short-term girlfriend’s dads place when she’s not there?
That would be a “no” from me. It probably goes a long way to explain why he’s not keen on you. You’re all together too entitled by far.
So u vent to this friend that as a crush on u and u think thats normal please
1st part) Why I don’t feel like confronting; Seeing if anyone notices any reasons for her behaviour/ mindset
How was she cheating if you weren't together?
Just move on with your life, this wasn't working anyway.
Yea . You suck.
They never are. That's what people refuse to see. I know REDDIT people are always eager to say divorce/ dump, but so many times the stories on here call foe it. Yours is no exception.
Have you ever met in person? Do you only chat via text messages or do you video chat too? How old are they, do you know?
No, I don't think you will work. I think differences of opinion, believe, politics or religion can go together fine if you accept that not everyone thinks the same as you and can be mellow about it. But if one or both parties are not willing to accept the other fully or be able to compromise it won't work. If she is as extreme as it sounds in your post, you can never do enough to be fully accepted by her or her family. The fact that you are not (and rightly so) willing to put her religion above anything else will always stand between you.
Why does op have to be with the childs father
He's not forgetting. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he doesn't give a shit about your comfort or boundaries.
That's not a healthy relationship.
haha he hasn’t replied to her message yet but i’ll keep that one in my back pocket!
Lol an old man with no money. Great catch.
Oh ok… send her red roses with a card
This dude is racist, sexist, and has no redeeming qualities besides the money he supposedly has. You know you can do better, right?
Then talk to him. Explain how you are feeling, and listen to how he’s feeling. Reassess after that.
Because they would keep each other up talking all night instead of sleeping. Again they were kids so you can be sure nothing creepy was happening then and I’m sure nothing creepy is happening now because that’s not something people do. I know them and for as much as they’re assholes to me they aren’t like fucked up people. They’re both in relationships too like this is so weird I never thought I’d have to defend my siblings against accusations of incest?
Truly. The time to leave, my friend, is now. Right now. All you have to do is take your kiddo to “the park” or some other activity he enjoys, with a fully charged cell phone, a charger, whatever money/credit cards you got and medicine if you take a daily medicine. That's it. You don't need to bring clothes. You don't need to bring your son's toys, except maybe if he wants to bring one or two to the “park.” Hell, you can go to the park too. You can go the park and call this number. And you can take the ticket to leave that is calling for you right. Now. 800-799-7233 (US National DV hotline)
I remember being 21 and dropping engineering to have more time with my gf. Listen medical school is gonna end your relationship most likely, very few can deal with living with a ghost, and medical school will make it seem like your never around. You should go to whichever medical school accepts you, unless you think your girlfriend is worth never becoming a doctor. It's a nude field and not everyone is cut out for it, and the idea of sacrificing everything for a girl who may decide after working long hours at JPMorgan that her coworker may be a better match for her and leave you anyway. It's better to not ever compromise your career when you are young or you will be doing yourself a disservice.
Thanks. Sorry to clarify, are you saying that no contact is reasonable right now?
More pregnancy scares or a real pregnancy. I just have a sinking feeling that the condom breaking was not an accident.
More pregnancy scares or a real pregnancy. I just have a sinking feeling that the condom breaking was not an accident.
Tell her friend directly so she can file a police complaint if it was a leak. Revenge Porn is illegal.
So he should drop doing what he enjoys and makes him happy and come back to your level because you don’t want to work at making yourself better and rise to his level, do I got that right
“I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks” now I’m not saying he for sure did this but if you haven’t had sex with a condom for a while it can help to jerk off wearing one to get used to the slightly deadened sensation to avoid any performance issues. If there’s more than 1 or he didn’t know you were coming yeah he’s cheating probably
Thank you I will.
If he says something like that again, definitely speak with him about it to make sure that things are okay. He may have been having an off night.
But if he unexpectedly says offhand negative things like that more often, talk with him to make sure that he’s not depressed. (And encourage him to see a doctor/mental health professional if he is.)
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry you were put through a lot! Good insight, I'm definitely someone who prefer to suppress emotion and thoughts I don't want, but this isn't quite so easy so it really is a huge bother. I can't do something scandalous like getting with this guy for many reasons so I'm better off just trying to accept my emotions as part of being human, but not acting on them.
I think this would be a friend I would become less emotionally invested in. No matter what you says she's gonna do what she's gonna do. If she texts you about these guys just give a generic, great, I'm sure yall will be very happy, answer. Don't give a fuck anymore emotionally. You know she's not gonna listen so it doesn't matter. If you have to cut her out of your life that's OK too.
You should tell your mom that you're interested in doing a DNA test and see how she reacts..
It could be possible maybe a grandparent is the one who hasn't been honest or someone was adopted
She fucked up and seems to have realized it. You can choose to ‘forgive’ her, ask her what she was thinking, and then decide if you want to pursue things further. We all make mistakes and maybe this was just that. Or maybe she is not for you, or untrustworthy, etc. But there is no law saying you can’t give people second chances.
She’d been vomiting every day and it reached a point where she had to go to the ER, alone, in an unfamiliar place.
Just start bringing him. Force the issue.
Stop paying. You are allowing your parents to abuse your life partner.
Ive dated women 10 yrs older than myself and 10 years younger. At the end of the day it comes down to emotional maturity and if you like, care, and respect each other. Generational age gaps become an issue for sure. But if you tell me i cant date a 30 yr old woman because im 40, or a 50 yr old woman for that matter…. then you are hung up on the wrong things about what relationships are all about.
i tell my abusive ass boyfriend “i love you” at every opportunity to the point it annoys him. but i fucking hate him. i do love him but i fucking hate him do with that info what you will. good luck
You got that backwards. The barista gets paid to be there. Should you hit on them? No. But you also shouldn't yell and all the other things people do. They are paid to deal with it. A customer just wants their coffee and the barista is NOT paid to hand out their number all day.
Is she a different person though? She has never come clean to you, and does not seem not feel guilty about it at all.
I think she was and us a different person inside then you have ever thought. I wonder, what else is she hiding/lying about?
I would just let him know by phone or text that things between you guys aren’t working out and it is time to part ways. Tbh, I wouldn’t waste my time or gas driving 2 hrs to tell him in person, especially since he never made any effort to see you instead.
Break up with him.
End of.
Thank you. I tend to have a nude time with either being too nice to people or being mean and I don't want to cross into either of those. I will try to sit her down and discuss it with her next time we talk so that she knows it comes with love, but that no is my final answer.
I was genuinely asking for advice and you chose to be a jerk about it? For what?
Everything your friend told you is absolutely correct. You're lucky to have someone who will speak up in a situation like this. Listen to him, or you will learn the lesson he's trying to teach you the nude way.
“Usually”
She is wanting to take the next step with this guy, by the sounds of it. Moving past casual dating
I think it's entirely possible he relied on you to be his two brain cells and has an ego problem. Is this a huge behavioral change or something that's slightly out of character for him but that you honestly didn't have trouble believing? This may just be true colors going neon bright for you, or it may be something glaringly out-of-character. We don't know and can't say. It might be a mental problem. It might also be childish arrogance. You know him and can make this decision better than we can, but either way…this is not redeemable. You have to keep yourself fed and healthy and with a roof over your head, you are not independently wealthy where you can handle this behavior without it destroying you.
Don’t leave your home. Also check in with your son. Both of you need therapy and possibly therapy together. Honestly I would schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney. You don’t have to decide on a divorce now but it would be good to talk our all possibilities.
I need to comment on that last part. If my absolutely amazing and sweet boyfriend ever cheated on me (let alone did so continuously) and if I decided to give him another chance, then yeah, he wouldn't be allowed to have friends that are women anymore lol. We both have friends of the other sex and we're both very comfortable with it, but when trust is broken, it's broken.
OP was obviously flirting/cheating with that girl btw, I think we all know that. I'm just saying that even that can't be justified in the way he's trying to justify it.
Just continue to love her and let her guide the next steps. If it was an accident, just keep it cool. If it becomes a consistent thing, let your heart be all warm and fuzzy and be proud that you leveled up on the blended family.
Definitely don’t think it’s common. I didn’t know many people who could afford to regularly go out to dinner at all in college, let alone just go with friends.
Yep, its basically sexual assault right there
Yep, you both are the a-hole.
This is a tough one, as a man myself I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I can imagine what he is going through.
He probably doesn’t want to be a father yet and feels sorry for you that he’s feeling like that.
On the contrary if I put myself in your shoes I can understand you’re completely ready to be a mother.
In this situation I suggest you have a serious talk with him, it’s your body at the end of the day en he does not get to decide if you’re going to get an abortion or not.
If you want to keep the baby, so be it, that is YOUR choice. It IS your body after all.
Maybe you could somehow come to an agreement together?
In all honesty, I have no idea how I personally would react in this situation, so I’m very sorry if I can’t give you any proper advice.
Leo, is this you??
What they dont want you to be happy? Is he the only concern.? You will make more friends. Better ones
Imo, there’s two options here.
A: Ask her if you could open the relationship so you can get your needs fulfilled elsewhere.
B: Consider leaving her. Your needs aren’t being met and it doesn’t sound like she wants to compromise. It’s a tough decision, but this is only going to get worse if this continues on
A community college was charging 300 an hour? I paid 900 a semester at a commuity college here and thay was for like 14 hours.
Seriously, how do people get far enough along to marry someone like this? I feel like this would end the relationship within a year.
Might not be the right guy, OP. I would think you would want a boyfriend who isn't this confused and distracted.
To be fair, working from home shouldn’t involve childcare.
You’re right on other topics though. Doesn’t seem like he’s pulling his weight so he either gets his act together soon (and permanently) or you go your separate ways and coparent.
Ya know I didn’t really think about this. I never thought of her as a cheater, but this could be it.
Are you sure you’re ready for marriage if you’re so insecure
I feel like this is a bit unfair to the guy. It’s okay to feel worried or insecure. He didn’t blow up or guilt trip his wife, and is coming here for input on whether his feelings are rational. Having worries or insecurities isn’t something that makes you unfit to be married, it’s what you do with them.
Assign a color for the mothers to wear? I still think accidental red wine spill is the funniest way to go!
How big and douchey of a gym bro was he?
Be straight. He’s overrunning your boundaries and you to slow him down. Don’t hint or beat around the bush. Try something like, “Ex, I need you to understand that possibly means possibly. Full stop. I’m open to trying again with you but that isn’t happening right now and won’t be until I’ve had time to work through my relationship with current SO. I appreciate your enthusiasm but if you don’t give me space you’ll push me away completely”
The house is half yours, if he’s feeling ‘used’ because he decided to fix it up for you on his dime and isn’t getting the response he hoped for that isn’t your fault, but you should offer to cover half the expenses for the upgrades when you can afford it
If he continues to push through your boundaries, make other living arrangements. You’ve got yourself and two kids to think of before your ex’s feelings.
Good luck
I'd you look at her post history her boyfriend already did dump her… As recently as 5 days ago
And at the same time, for some it can change nothing at all. Been on birth control for years, the only side effect I’ve ever experienced is not getting pregnant !
That is his debt to pay off, not yours. You are paying plenty and then some, he doesn't like it oh well ?♀️
Ok, so I'm a massive nerd. I'm not the best with social situations, and I would be incredibly happy if all of my conversations were in depth and probably boring to most people. I don't get a lot of jokes and I'm super awkward. Yay me! I go to therapy and watch how other people interact, and I'm sooooo much better than I used to be. I also took the time to learn about relationships and what is or isn't healthy. (I grew up in an abuse religious family that kept me in a bubble, soooo.) The biggest thing I learned is that it is so much worse to be in an unhappy relationship than it is to be alone. I also managed to find someone who is enough like me that we get along well. He is also nerdy, and likes to go off on weird tangents. We get fixated on the weirdest things. (Like randomly deciding to find out the Swedish laws on lingonberries.) Relationships are nude, and children are even harder. If you don't love the person and work well together, you will never survive. Right now you are at the best point in your relationship because you are both on your best behavior. Your choices are only setting you up for failure. You do not love this woman, and you obviously are not really interested in being a stepfather. The whole twin flames thing make her sound 16, and the whole “I'm lonely and she has sex with me” thing is just sad. Get therapy. Make friends. Stop worrying about dating right now. Explore your own interests, and learn how to deal with other people.
Get out and away from him as soon as it's safe to do so.
When I said you skipped over it I meant in your retelling of events towards the end of your first paragraph. I suppose it's more accurate to say that it appears by not highlighting that her doing that was in fact not reasonable you are minimizing the wrongdoing on her part. Or at the very least saying “she hurt your feelings, you hurt her feelings, basically the same thing so no one is in the wrong” when what she said and her reasons for doing so were explicitly worse and she is being the asshole.
But okay, so am I correct in assuming that in your direct addressment you are equating the two? That him being too tired after working 11 hours to engage in sex and wanting to go to sleep (something she encouraged him at the time to do) after he commented on her hair/make-up/lingerie (so it's not that he didn't notice) is the same or just as bad as…
Her calling him boring and telling him again “any man would have fucked her” (a comment that, as I said in my previous reply, can ONLY be interpreted as her shaming him for not having sex with her). She didn't get mad and entitled because he didn't notice the effort she put into her appearance (I don't get why you assumed that when OP clearly says he did) , she got mad because in that moment she wanted sex and he didn't give it to her. She didn't call him oblivious or uncaring, she called him BORING.
She wanted to be entertained and have fun, has some sexist notions that men are supposed to always be down for sex, and got rude because he didn't sleep with her. OP didn't hurt her feelings and wasn't setting out to. She was setting out to shame him and make him feel bad because she didn't get her way, her way being sex. That's wrong entitled behavior.
She made an effort to show she was interested and he acknowledged it but after an exhausting day was too tired to have sex/not interested. That is well within his rights, NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO SEX. So if that is you addressing it I really need to know:
Did you not read the part where he acknowledged her looks and efforts before going to sleep and assume that he didn't as the reason she got upset OR do you think OP not sleeping with her was him “not noticing” because he didn't reward her efforts with his body? She was the asshole who was upset she didn't get sex and insulted her partner. It's not a “you both need to apologize for hurting each other's feelings” situation, she was in the wrong. Plain and simple. She was the asshole, she needs to apologize, it was her own assumption that OP would just be down for sex anytime that made her hurt her own feelings, but she absolutely hurt his feelings as she set out to do, she was just being an entitled jerk.
Ten years and you're 25? I assume he's the only boyfriend you've ever had, so you don't have a reference for one who would treat you right. I say break up with him and either be single for a while or experience new relationships.
Dealing with a similar thing. I told her I can't tell her what to do just let me know when you fix it. After all of they mess up they can spend an equal amount of time cleaning it up. If he does a good job in your opinion/if he does enough then I'd trust him again. You never know what enough is until they do it.
If you can't do it for you, do it for your daughter. Do you want your daughter to be a battered woman too? Because this is how you raise a future battered woman.
There is definitely sex in the time spent with her friend. They were on a date with the guys, it wasn't like meeting at the bar,
your wife's demeanor would have allowed me to divorce her without hesitation.
I would files and send her back to bars, streets and bar toilets are fine for her
Make it 180, stay at nc and assign the lawyer to take care of things.
you will find better than her,
If you're going to stay with her, you have to ask her to go through polygraph
run std tests
You can tell your family and social circle she meet and sleep with men in bars in the evenings, it would not be a lie.