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Date: October 9, 2022
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This post would warrant being taken seriously if it weren’t for your post history and the fact you’re a giant attention seeker
Idk I just thought we could have something I don’t mind helping her out I online for making other people happy but if she makes me feel like I’m not a priority I guess you’re right
Best thing for you to do is not be friends with this person anymore. You already witnessed questionable behavior and you went ahead and pulled some white knight snitch nonsense. Everyone in this situation is trash, you included. Have the guts to be upfront with your friend and say your peace like a man. Not Jr. High “I have a secret” nonsense.
That's what I am so scared of, but you're right, the only way I will know is to ask the questions and have the conversation – and if she wants to leave, there's nothing I can do to change her mind.
And I mean I respect him for deciding to drink only on the weekends (fri-sat-sun) but I work weekends and my days off are during the week and it just pisses him off whenever I drink but he can when he wants, and I don’t care. I was so sad from so much that I stopped eating and my main caloric intake was alcohol and I could see how he could view me as such a loser when I was in that state but I just wish he understood it wasn’t me and I let my circumstances consume me
Have you asked him about this when he’s not having an episode?
Have you considered couples counseling/therapy?
Thank you for your kindness and your advice. My hyper fixation is that from my past trauma. I used to do this in the beginning portion of our relationship before I worked past some of the trauma. I haven’t had an episode in over a year and I felt confident that I was moving past them. This just makes me feel like I have fucked up again and I don’t want to go back to that.
Someone else said that he might not be honest with me when we do our “check ins” to make sure we’re not losing focus on one another or the other one isn’t getting something from the relationship, do you have any thoughts or ideas on how I can help him feel more comfortable with being honest and open? If I’ve already scared him into feeling like he has to walk on eggshells how do I properly let him know it’s safe to be open? I never wanted to make him feel like that, I wanted to be better than his past relationships.
It's been a month, yes, but we've been talking for over 2 years. Just kinda linked up over a month ago.
I have tried that, i literally feel that way. It's driving me insane. I've told them im trying to move out because of it too. I feel like it'd be complicated to set a door but the bringing them to the vet and making them pay for the bill is a good idea and i have no idea how i hadn't thought of it before
Lmao idk why people are downvoting you, people are reading a lot more into this than they should. I think women seriously don't understand what dating is like as a man, we ask for numbers all the time, that's just what we have to do. Since we are the pursuer role we need to make the first move, just because we are asking for someone's number doesn't mean we are obsessed with them or are so attracted to them we just had to make a move.
Everyone is acting like OP's boyfriend was relentlessly pursuing her sister and just settled for second best, that's not at all how this reads to me. It sounds like OP's boyfriend had passing interest in her sister because he saw her once and thought she was cute, but once Sam didn't give her the number he dropped it and moved on. Then when he met OP he actually fell for her. Sam probably brought it up to tease him and overembellished. I've been on the receiving end of that type of teasing from women so many times so I know exactly how Sam is feeling lol. His interested was a 2/10 and Sam was pretending it was a 8/10.
Uuuuugh it’s so fucking dumb to buy a house together when you’re not married.
If you’re married and get divorced there is a formal legal process for dealing with the house.
Just a regular break up? No formal process. You just gotta hope he agrees to either buy you out, let you buy him out or sell. But what if he just decides to stop paying the mortgage and refuses to move out. You have zero recourse and you fuck up your credit for the rest of your life.
And he makes you feel like you’re going to die from anxiety and unhappiness. In what world do you think you will have an amicable break up where the house and mortgage get dealt with fairly. And like, you ARE going to break up. You already let him treat you like a doormat, which he knows, so ultimately he’s going to level up and either cheat or straight up steal from you.
I’m genuinely stressed that you’re considering this.
You share an apartment, so you share rent. If her half is paid by her parents, good for her. Saying you should be allowed to online there for free just because it’s already paid anyway is wrong. Also it’s not her fault if you feel humiliated if she can spend more money than you. People in relationships usually don’t earn the exact same. So someone would always feel humiliated by that logic.
Thank you haha. You're the only person that doesn't just see this as a one-sided issue.
I feel like there's a lot of context missing here, but if any of what he said is true, then OP absolutely sounds like a shitty partner too.
I cannot hardly think of a worse idea. Run.
Stay out of THEIR transaction.
You should go with yourself, your daughter and be single right now. Focus on your daughter and yourself. I would highly suggest counseling. Figure out why you are drawn to such men. Your current boyfriend was a red flag to start and should have never made it this far with you. You moved in to HELP him. A grown man who is not even the father of your child, nor your fiance. He hadn't earned that kind of treatment from you. You have a daughter you should be helping before anyone. That money would have been better spent on a future fund for her. You should NEVER be with someone who doesn't want anything to do with her. Now for your ex, I would never recommend moving for a man you aren't engaged/married to. No security there. Your ex just got out of a relationship. Yall should focus on co-parenting first. Both of you should heal from these last relationships. Neither of these relationships will go far with true happiness if you continue them at this moment. You have cheated on your boyfriend already and I didn't even need to dissect that to make a decision. Never, ever leave one person for another. It rarely goes well when you do. Leave them for what they have done and heal before moving on. When you are ok being alone, that's when you are truly ready to move on. Best of luck.
Your edit sounds a bit unrelated, but just on that basis you should break up with her. Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't respect you and is constantly making fun of you in front of other people? Wtf?
Well the friends seem even worse, considering they're both talking about cheating.
Actually, tell that guy, too.
God, that’s exactly how I feel about baby fever. All respect and admiration to women who want to have children, I swear to god. I love my nephews to bits, babies are adorable, children are a miracle. But I always knew I didn’t want to have kids, and when people told me my hormones would change all that one day, it just filled me with horror. It was like they were telling me some alien force was going to take over my brain and completely rearrange my priorities and passions and careful decision making. I wasn’t sure who that woman would be, but I knew she wouldn’t be me. …shockingly, I did not have babies.
It’s both. He’s doing that and rapes OP and justifies it because he can’t possibly blame himself for ruining his dick and brain with porn
I meant specifically not getting invited places.
The whole mingling in a crowd is hard, I get it, but he can't babysit you all night. You will need to work on confidence and socializing with everyone in order to get more comfortable.
OP, please listen to the above comment. In addition, your husband may have some physiological problem like a brain tumor. Regardless, his behavior is extremely dangerous and you need to get yourself out of that situation. He should have an MRI done on his brain. Good luck to you.
Distance yourself and focus on your marriage. Work through this as a team
She can’t handle being your friend. The history between you two makes having a healthy and lasting friendship extremely difficult, if not impossible.
She hasn’t fully grieved the loss of the relationship, and everytime you see her – you reset some progress.
She’s trying not to get hurt. She told you to stop messaging her, and yet you didn’t respect that. She told you she wanted to be left alone – and yet you you ambushed her at work.
Intentionally or not, your actions are that of an asshole.
She doesn’t want a friendship with you. She wants an version of you that can commit to a romantic relationship.
Not everyone can be friends with an ex. It’s part of the gamble. But if a friendship is meant to be, leave her alone and maybe she’ll come to you when she’s ready. Or maybe she’ll never be ready – and you have to learn to be okay with that too.
He did this to your sister, it means that he is an animal and be sure that he did it to others as well…
You need to break up. Being drunk is no excuse for this shitty behaviour. He didn't even see the light when he was sober. A bf must have your back. But instead he choosed his awful friends. Friends who makes fun, no bully you because you do a natural thing. Oh how dare you flew home. They had so many jokes prepared for the next days. If you were laughingwith them, okay, but you were crying, seeking for the help of the one who should support you and he did nothing. If he can'tevenhave your back in such a situation. When his friends and a stupid trip is more important, you should break up.
To think that he behaved like this with 28. I thought the were just out of teenager age, but he is nearly 30 and is so immature.
It’s always harder to end a relationship over incompatibilities. But that doesn’t make it the wrong decision. Let’s say you both made a list that included accomplishments and milestones you want to achieve over the next ten years, things you feel you need to have to be happy and words or phrases that describe your ideal life. When you compare lists, are they similar? More importantly, do they conflict? Are there things that are in direct enough opposition that someone would have to give up their desire entirely for the other to have theirs? If so, these aren’t just simple conflicts. They’re major, relationship-ending incompatibilities.
You guys got together during a time that you were and are both building out your identities. Those relationships are hard, especially when you love each other, but recognize you’re turning into two very different people. Instead of twisting yourselves into shapes that fit together, it might be time to let go, and allow each other to find partners whose “shape” matches. Which, btw, is also an act of love.
Just ewww, one of my daughter's piano students developed a crush on her, and she dropped him and found him another teacher. She started teaching part-time at 16, and even then knew it was ewww.
DONT DO IT. She’ll regret it later and she’ll resent you and herself for it. It will be toxic. Is there a chance this is just burnout? Can you take a parents only trip for a week?
This x 1000
What have you been doing for 10 months?
My ex boss’s wife would MAKE US the sandwiches. I miss them ☹️
I’m also a psychologist, this in unethical and reportable.
From my personal experience – if a person is being honest and upfront and detailed with you – they’re unlikely to be lying.
If you for some reason still think they’re lying, it means you think they are untrustworthy and kinda shit and you should ask yourself – why are you with someone who you think poorly of?
and if you’re answer to that is – we’ll I don’t think poorly of her, I don’t really think she’s untrustworthy – then your real answer is – it’s in your head, not in reality.
Get out of there. If I can smell my ass, I assume everyone around me can too. I hope you stay away from his ass on hard days, da fuuunk.
You know how they say, listen to your gut? This is what they mean. Your body is literally telling you, run run run as fast as you can. Please.
shes currently on a trip and says she needs space, I should just wait right? also i think she is the avoidant attatchment style so she really hates confrontations
Tell him it’s a turn off and you see it as disrespectful too. And stop having sex with him.