OP, this was supposed to be about fucking, yet you started an entire exclusive relationship. Surely you can understand that this is not what swinging is.
Because you described it that way even though you’re supposedly a grown adult who should know that previous relationships are a fraught topic for many, not casual?
I've seen quite a few therapists and also had some training in being a therapist.
Sharing a limited amount of personal information can help build rapport with a client, and is thus therapeutic. However, the things you are describing, from only two sessions, are very excessive. I get the feeling the therapist is using the client (your bf) as a listening ear for her own issues!
I would recommend he find a different therapist. Of course you can't make him, but you can suggest that this was an awful lot of her talking about herself, which is not the way therapy works. It's unprofessional and wrong. That's my opinion.
As a parent of a 13yo boy, I strongly recommend just doing kids things and leave the adult things until you're much older. Don't stress over kissing etc because the last thing you want to do at your age is to over experiment and get yourself pregnant because you couldn't control yourself. Please avoid taking advice from a 15yo teenager going through puberty who can't think logically.
Sounds like he’s the problem, not you honestly. I can understand feeling irrationally angry when someone is crying, but you’re supposed to set that anger aside in the moment, not make it the other person’s problem. You’re also supposed to work on recognizing when your anger isn’t reasonable, figuring out why you’re getting irrationally angry, and developing techniques to calm yourself and not make it the other person’s problem. He’s clearly not doing that either.
Jesus Christ woman if someone is willing to break up with you for something as fickle as lip fillers then they aren’t the one for you. It’s your body. We all have insecurities. My bf is conventionally more attractive than me, but what matters it that he loves me for me. If you want a slightly plumper lip…do it. But own it. Your insecurities are gonna be your downfall.
If he is currently going through a mental episode. I think you should txt him that you need space and time to process what happened. And that he should seek out therapy and you will contact him when you are ready to talk about it. After that you need to decide if this is something you can deal with or if his mental issues are just too much right now.
Apologize for being a complete idiot. You need to mean it and say you realized how stupid and immature it was to ask that not to mention insensitive. That in the future you won't ask dumb questions like that. And again you need to mean it all.
Bro, I’m your wife’s age and do this as well! I like taking nude pictures of myself to see progress in my diet or exercise routine. Sometimes I take them because I think I look good and want to remember it. Every woman I know does the same thing. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman admiring and taking pictures of her body, not everything we do is for a man lol.
Bc instead of having self-respect and dumping him, you’re trying to reason away his poor behavior. Dump him. There are nearly 8 billion people in the world; there’s no reason to be with someone who doesn’t care for you. And even if you have trouble finding someone, you’ll still be happier dating around than staying with that loser.
Yeah I gotta be honest, I'm a introvert, and my job is very extroverted, and when I expect to come home to an empty quiet house and there are people there – it's the quickest way to ruin my mood. I would be pretty annoyed if I were OP.
Sexual assaults that occur “on the street” from random assailants actually make up a small minority of all SA's. Most are committed by friends and family, so her being comfortable walking around the city doesn't rule out the possibility at all. If it was a friend, and a friend that you know, she would be even more hesitant to tell you.
But again, I want to emphasize, my speculation could be way off base. It just seems clear (based on what you've said) that she's dealing with something bad that she's not willing to talk about. Something that she's bottling up.
I can tell you this much. Whatever is going on with your girlfriend, she needs somebody to talk to. A neutral party like a therapist is always best. Perhaps if you find one for her and even make an appointment for her, she'd be willing to go. She has something that he she needs to get off her chest and if she doesn't do it soon, it could end your relationship.
u/throwra6546 Many times in life, you will not get closure. You have to accept that as a nude truth of life. Stop wasting your time begging him to tell you the truth. He is a liar. Liar will lie. Accept that fact and do your best to move on to preserve your peace.
Confronting him about it is a juvenile jerk move. People stand themselves from friends all the time without turning it into a song and dance. Just, stop hanging out with him. Always be too busy to hang out, answer his texts late and blandly, eventually stop answering at all.
There's no reason to tell him you're ending the friendship. He's not going to change how he feels over it. It's not going to change his entire personality. He is who he is. Just slowly cease contact.
It’s not “her effort”. She did something for herself holding to get something only she wanted and threw a tantrum when she didn’t get her way. “Effort” involves reading and caring about your partner, not making unilateral decisions based on your own whims and expecting your partner to fall in line.
It's interesting you mentioned that you have not really hammered on her convo wise about your concerns because you wanted “to make her feel comfortable and free from judgement.”
Because sometimes in order to learn life skills you need to go out of your comfort zone, maybe fail, accept “judgement” in the form of critique info that will correct your performance and actually stay on task in order to learn the new skill. Some people have been raised where making them feel comfortable meant not making them try things that are difficult or intimidating.
Because we really like each other , I just want to know if anyone else has been through anything similar
OP, this was supposed to be about fucking, yet you started an entire exclusive relationship. Surely you can understand that this is not what swinging is.
Because you described it that way even though you’re supposedly a grown adult who should know that previous relationships are a fraught topic for many, not casual?
I've seen quite a few therapists and also had some training in being a therapist.
Sharing a limited amount of personal information can help build rapport with a client, and is thus therapeutic. However, the things you are describing, from only two sessions, are very excessive. I get the feeling the therapist is using the client (your bf) as a listening ear for her own issues!
I would recommend he find a different therapist. Of course you can't make him, but you can suggest that this was an awful lot of her talking about herself, which is not the way therapy works. It's unprofessional and wrong. That's my opinion.
Yeah he’s so socially anxious he manages to phone a complete stranger for sex in his girlfriends house….
As a parent of a 13yo boy, I strongly recommend just doing kids things and leave the adult things until you're much older. Don't stress over kissing etc because the last thing you want to do at your age is to over experiment and get yourself pregnant because you couldn't control yourself. Please avoid taking advice from a 15yo teenager going through puberty who can't think logically.
Sounds like he’s the problem, not you honestly. I can understand feeling irrationally angry when someone is crying, but you’re supposed to set that anger aside in the moment, not make it the other person’s problem. You’re also supposed to work on recognizing when your anger isn’t reasonable, figuring out why you’re getting irrationally angry, and developing techniques to calm yourself and not make it the other person’s problem. He’s clearly not doing that either.
Jesus Christ woman if someone is willing to break up with you for something as fickle as lip fillers then they aren’t the one for you. It’s your body. We all have insecurities. My bf is conventionally more attractive than me, but what matters it that he loves me for me. If you want a slightly plumper lip…do it. But own it. Your insecurities are gonna be your downfall.
I'm not sure I can do that now but maybe at my office I can keep it. Thank you that is a good idea.
Unless you're planing on having a relationship with your sister's husband, that's not your brother in law and you can do whatever you want.
If he is currently going through a mental episode. I think you should txt him that you need space and time to process what happened. And that he should seek out therapy and you will contact him when you are ready to talk about it. After that you need to decide if this is something you can deal with or if his mental issues are just too much right now.
Apologize for being a complete idiot. You need to mean it and say you realized how stupid and immature it was to ask that not to mention insensitive. That in the future you won't ask dumb questions like that. And again you need to mean it all.
Bro, I’m your wife’s age and do this as well! I like taking nude pictures of myself to see progress in my diet or exercise routine. Sometimes I take them because I think I look good and want to remember it. Every woman I know does the same thing. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman admiring and taking pictures of her body, not everything we do is for a man lol.
I mean what if “in a dark place” was “had serious psych issues that I've since resolved with psychotherapy and am 10 years “clean”?
You presuppose that people can never get better
We’ll put! Seconded ?
Bc instead of having self-respect and dumping him, you’re trying to reason away his poor behavior. Dump him. There are nearly 8 billion people in the world; there’s no reason to be with someone who doesn’t care for you. And even if you have trouble finding someone, you’ll still be happier dating around than staying with that loser.
I’m just broken up about it
Everything you said is also quite worrisome.
So her phone was unlocked and an old video happened to appear at the top? Sure you didn’t just go looking for shit?
Yeah I gotta be honest, I'm a introvert, and my job is very extroverted, and when I expect to come home to an empty quiet house and there are people there – it's the quickest way to ruin my mood. I would be pretty annoyed if I were OP.
Sexual assaults that occur “on the street” from random assailants actually make up a small minority of all SA's. Most are committed by friends and family, so her being comfortable walking around the city doesn't rule out the possibility at all. If it was a friend, and a friend that you know, she would be even more hesitant to tell you.
But again, I want to emphasize, my speculation could be way off base. It just seems clear (based on what you've said) that she's dealing with something bad that she's not willing to talk about. Something that she's bottling up.
I can tell you this much. Whatever is going on with your girlfriend, she needs somebody to talk to. A neutral party like a therapist is always best. Perhaps if you find one for her and even make an appointment for her, she'd be willing to go. She has something that he she needs to get off her chest and if she doesn't do it soon, it could end your relationship.
u/throwra6546 Many times in life, you will not get closure. You have to accept that as a nude truth of life. Stop wasting your time begging him to tell you the truth. He is a liar. Liar will lie. Accept that fact and do your best to move on to preserve your peace.
Confronting him about it is a juvenile jerk move. People stand themselves from friends all the time without turning it into a song and dance. Just, stop hanging out with him. Always be too busy to hang out, answer his texts late and blandly, eventually stop answering at all.
There's no reason to tell him you're ending the friendship. He's not going to change how he feels over it. It's not going to change his entire personality. He is who he is. Just slowly cease contact.
It’s not “her effort”. She did something for herself holding to get something only she wanted and threw a tantrum when she didn’t get her way. “Effort” involves reading and caring about your partner, not making unilateral decisions based on your own whims and expecting your partner to fall in line.
It's interesting you mentioned that you have not really hammered on her convo wise about your concerns because you wanted “to make her feel comfortable and free from judgement.”
Because sometimes in order to learn life skills you need to go out of your comfort zone, maybe fail, accept “judgement” in the form of critique info that will correct your performance and actually stay on task in order to learn the new skill. Some people have been raised where making them feel comfortable meant not making them try things that are difficult or intimidating.