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Dominique, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
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But wait. You texted him after finding out about being 3 months pregnant but he was already engaged? When did you exactly text him?Did he get engaged just 3 months after ending it with you? Sounds like he was cheating on his gf.
Holy shit… I’ll keep my eyes open and let you know if I find anything!
You are pregnant by a dude you knew for days (weeks?) and you still BARELY know him. Porn is, by far, the very least of your concerns. So many red flags here that porn doesn’t even register.
I've just read your first post to see what's been going on.
You're not this girl's priority. You're not being treated right, certainly not like a girlfriend should be treated. Take a leap and tell her yourself it's over. You deserve better than she is giving you.
She's gone off on you for asking a simple question and tbh it would have raised my suspicion the same way given how she's acting.
No need for TP for females? I hope for both… If my boyfriend doesn’t use toiletpaper after peeing, I will not have sex with him/go down on him lol
I totally see the usefulness of this sub, I've used in when I was younger and more naive. I certainly dont want to take that away from people.
I am just taking the comment most people and situation are going to receive, and delivering it early. And that's just good service
Have you tried talking about how feel and having a mature conversation rather than playing this game? He’s your partner not your punching bag.
So if you're leaving him with your gf to run errands like pick up food or get formula, why can't she do that? Right there, it solves your problem.
If I went to pick up my infant child and they were alone with their dads gf and had a busted lip, oh honey, you'd have bigger problems than worrying about last names.
Maybe she's jealous. Maybe she just doesn't want her kid left alone with someone she doesn't know because, like I said in the beginning, you're not showing the best judgment.
so you perfer a guy who manipulates the situation to benefit him just because he buys you stuff? Way to show your materialistic
Give it time. It’s still new. When this goes on long enough youll adjust. It’s like with anything new, it’s bright and shiny in the beginning but then you get use to it and it either becomes part of your life where you adjust to how it is, faults and all, or you’ll start to notice problems to the point youll realize it doesn’t work for you.
5months
Yeah I understand what you're saying. We do have history however. I met him in person a few years ago (before I moved away). A friend of his passed away and I spent a lot of the date holding him while he literally sobbed in my arms. He stole a piece of my heart that day seeing him in that way. The whole reason I visited him this time was he told me (his words) “I want to make love to you”. After I left this time he told me he felt so comfortable with me, he said I was very sweet and he said if I was living in his city then he would want to see me a lot more.
Then…voila….I react badly to his honest words to me.
I know he (did) think I was a good person (before all this). He felt so comfortable with me he cried for hours on our first date above.
I do believe we could have a beautiful connection in some form or another. I find it very hot to meet people who shares common interests, values and are also gay.
I find it so naked to just forget him. He really stole part of my heart. Given all the above do you think I should still just totally leave it and never connect again? I find saying goodbye so hard.
This made me cry thank you.
Agreed. And “hating the house” is another sign he's just ready to move on. Things look better when we're content with the situation and relationship; hating it means we're being pulled into new things.
By leaving
She died in 2016 with all of those symptoms? I’m sorry- I’m a medical provider and it sounds like either your mom didn’t know she had aids until it was too late or she refused treatment for it. HIV is the virus and AIDS is the diagnosis after the CD4 cells fall too low and the viral load is too high. Even with an AIDS diagnosis you can still receive treatment to get the viral load down to an undetectable level. So did she just not know she had AIDS? Also being stuck with a used needle is how your family thinks she got it? That is very unlikely. HIV dies when it hits light or air, being stuck with a used needle makes it more likely to contract HCV. HIV can live! in a vacuum up to 3 days so it’s not impossible but it’s unlikely to have happened from an accidental stick. Usually folks who contract HIV through needles is because they’re sharing needles with other injection drug users. I’d get more clarification around your family secret because even this explanation is sus.
Thanks, I appreciate the response. However, we are still very close and love each other. Maybe you are still ultimately right, but she is definitely not hoping that I will break up with her. This is one glaring issue scarring an otherwise amazing relationship. I will consider your response further nevertheless.
I'd bet money this person also uses terms like “alpha” without any sense of irony.
She is definitely cheating and trying to make it seem ok by pressuring you to do it too. Or she’s possibly looking for a way out of the relationship.
No no no dude. It’s people are trash all week today. Keep up.
I mean I tell my nieces they have nice smiles.
A compliment can be just BE a compliment.
I agree that I she's likely it reading too much into it because she wants her feelings to be reciprocated.
If she said she isn't ready for a relationship, why are you going to bring it up again? It doesn't sound like that's what she wants. You're going to have to accept that and remain her friend. If you can't, this friendship isn't for you.
Move on. Completely. Never look back.
Focus on the other aspects of your life and become the happiest, healthiest, and most fulfilled version of yourself.
You're still young, there'll be plenty of other opportunities for relationships in the future
Remind your gf of that the next time a guy tells your gf he wants her and she doesn't shut him down immediately. Don't think you'd like that option. When you don't flat out tell someone no/stop, they will usually view that as a green light to keep pursuing your partner when you're not around.
“Hey honey, it's flattering and I'm not going to do anything, so why shut him down?”
Yeah this would be a breaking point for me. Trust is everything. Your girlfriend has seriously disrespected you.
You don't think that would hurt her feelings at all?
For what it's worth, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. Like I said, I'm a huge proponent of independence. But this again isn't just a question of independence; it's a big life change.
I'm absolutely not saying not to do it. This is just something the two of you need to decide if you can handle.
Why is everyone letting this grown up man off the hook so easily?
No one's letting him off the hook? This entire thread is about how to directly tell him she's disappointed?
And why is everyone saying she can't say she's disappointed?
Literally no one has said that
You do know that you can do both simply take the kids to the party and when you already planned on leaving instead of going home take them over to his parents then return to the party and enjoy a night with your husband
What is the lie u told exactly?
Guess he’s uninvited and you’re hiring a bouncer. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
She was self reflecting, most likely she was cheating with her ex in her country. As her coming back, you're her second base.
If I was in your shoes, I'll drop her like a sack of potatoes. She sure ain't the relationship material.
Cut her off and go NC. She is EXPIRED!
Best of luck.
Semper Fi
I just wanted to add that it's so easy for some people to almost excuse this behavior, or make it sound not as serious as say, a heroin or meth addiction, because it's a medication thats prescribed to him from a doctor. Addiction is addiction. At least for me, it's less about the substance and more about the behavior. The consequences are still the same.
Best of luck to her, willful prostitution isn’t something that most people are capable of overlooking.
Please don’t ever suggest I get an abortion like what. I’ve had multiple miscarriages.
I understand, but then, you refuse to accept social benefits…because? You and your partner can't afford a kid, but still want to have one. Okay.
This isn’t about our relationship at all
If you say so.
Most 31 year olds have zero interest in dating a 20 year old, due to being in different life stages, having different timelines, there being a maturity and life experience gap.
This man saved you, now you are pregnant and live! with his toxic family….he doesn't step up, you both can't actually financially support a baby.
In a few years, you'll look back and realise how creepy this situation actually was.
Again, hopefully you have a plan B because you'll need one.
She's not over her past. There isn't anything you can do to help her. You did everything right.
Divorce him. You're already a single parent and he just adds bullshit to your life.
Leave her alone. You lack the maturity for a healthy relationship. Go to therapy, work out your issues before you peruse a relationship with anyone
You didn't give consent and avoided him rest of the night. Tell him what happened before he hears a different version from someone else.
It was a mutual understanding and like 1 year
I mean in the gentlest possible way, that's just stupid. Honestly, you are 19, you are a kid. You will have MANY more partners. I understand it doesn't feel like that now. But I promise you that in 5 or 10 years, you'll barely remember this dude other than as a footnote on what not to accept in a relationship.
And please don't get caught up in the idea of what you had. That is gone. He has said. He has made it clear. Feelings change, or at least the truth comes out. He has told you he wants to break up. You are broken up. Just try to accept it. Lean on your friends. Get away from this guy. You will find better.
I think your boyfriend is gay and in denial. Regardless, dump him! He's a jerk.
Huh. Can’t imagine why you two broke up.
First – no, whether or not she has an epidural isn’t a joint decision, especially since you’re the ex. I’m not sure why you got mad about something that was not at all your problem.
Then there’s the labor. You knew your gf was in the labor timeframe. Yeah, she’d had a lot of false alarms. She’s 20 & scared. Go figure. She called you & told you she was headed to the hospital. You told her to find someone else to take her bc you were tired & didn’t FEEL like it. Ok. That’s your decision. Then you told her to call you if it was really labor. THEN you went home & went to sleep & did something to your phone that ensured it wouldn’t wake you.
So she went into labor. When you finally woke up, you had a dozen missed calls bc you missed the birth of your child. Because you didn’t feel like going to the hospital again.
Are you really wondering if you’re the AH here?
Are you really wondering why everyone is pissed at you? Your best response was that your EX ruined YOUR special day?
Geez, dude. You give selfish a whole new meaning. Where do you go from here? Well, first, stop defending yourself. You made a series of selfish decisions that didn’t work out for you. No, you didn’t do it on purpose, but any reasonable person would have known that this was the likely outcome of not going to the hospital when she thought she was in labor.
You apologize. And then you apologize some more. When you apologize, never use the word “but.” Take 100% responsibility for failing to show up despite promising to be there.
Yea and it’s so sad when a person doesn’t see their wrong doing. We’re all human and not perfect but he’s old enough to know what self control is and know that’s not okay no matter how upset he got. If it were the other way around he definitely wouldn’t have liked that.
I had my own mother help me with everything! She gave my baby the first bath and helped me after my birth and cooked for me and rocked the baby. Why shouldn’t I get to do those same things with my grand baby??
I'm not really sure why you're acting like every woman wants the same thing. And there is definitely a large gap between clingy and aloof.
At what stage are you being ghosted? Also, if you are getting ghosted, how do you even know if either of those are the reasons they are ghosting you?
? So dramatic
If it’s a boundary, you follow through. If you tell her it’s a boundary, and you don’t follow through, then it isn’t a boundary, it’s a request.
You said you don’t want her talking to her ex. She said she doesn’t care. If that’s your boundary, end the relationship.
Maybe he likes you, but still isn't wanting a relationship and felt guilty for having sex with you when he isn't ready to be involved with you. He was giving you the wrong idea that you might think it was getting serious do he pulled back and pushed you away. I think you need to decide is he worth wasting your time waiting however long for him until he's ready for something serious? Or forget him and starting dating other guys…. You don't know, by the time he's ready you could have been with someone happily for 6 months etc….
That or hes seeing someone else and felt bad for cheating on her.
You’re at an age where there’s a lot of social pressure to make really big decisions. What career are you going to have? What do you want to do with your life? Do you intend to marry the girl you’re dating? When? Why or why not? It sounds like you’re allowing the pressure of those questions to weigh on you.
It’s okay to live! in the present. You can be serious about this girl without thinking about marriage or your future together in excess. That being said, really examine why you’re considering breaking it off. Is it because you want to keep your options open, or is it because you want the opportunity to explore romance with other people? Be honest.
Do it! If he's looked through yours, then you can look through his.
If he says no and starts going on about his privacy and / or tries to show you the phone in his hand only (doesn't physically give you the phone ever) and quickly scrolls, they are bad signs.
Been here before.
I hope I'm wrong, keep us updated.
I guess a private investigator would be the next level and would be an instant break up
nope. There’s no finding peace sometimes. Sometimes people are not compatible. It sounds like your mother and wife are not compatible.
I it’s extremely common. That’s why most people don’t do this. But it sounds like you don’t live! in America, so maybe your country has different values.
my mother-in-law is pretty fucking crazy. she causes my wife pain. So we separated ourselves as much as possible.
Insecurity is causing her to try and control ever waking second of your life when you aren't with her.
That's some bad stuff dude.
You can bring it up, and even threaten to end the relationship. Things will probably improve, but might also snap back to what it was once she no longer feels threatened about the relationship ending.
Get this man to see a doctor
Seems like she's already preparing an excuse for when she actually does cheat.
I think you should sit your husband down and let him read your post and tell him that you are having extreme anxiety about what this can do for your relationship. Tell him you are willing to explore other areas of sexuality (role play, sexting, etc…whatever you're comfortable with) with him but it has to be just for the two of you as you realized that you did not enjoy the idea of others in your relationship.
Be thankful that you realized this before you crossed any physical boundaries bc that would be much harder to come back from.
Why would he want to subject his mistress turned gf to the group which includes ex girlfriend’s friends?? He’s making this awkward, but you’re asked not to make this awkward? It’s so soon! Too soon! He sure doesn’t care to protect the new gf at all, but you’re asked to be silent and protect her? No no no no no! Train wreck ahead, and no fault of yours!!! Why do people protect the guilty party? Not worth it! Go be with your friend and y’all start your own friend group instead of leaving her out of that friend group!