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Date: October 10, 2022
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Do not buy into this “he is the alpha” bullshit. You need to think for yourself. Why are you letting him dictate your life? You need to walk out the door and not come back. He is abusive. Do not have a baby with this man.
Damn this sent shivers down my spine. As a child, l overheard this older lady once who said something that left a mark on me permanently. “Men's emotions are as fickle as the colour of the sky”, she said while sobbing continuously on my mum's shoulders. I guess she used this particular quote to describe a situation like this. I might be just some random stranger on the internet but all l would like to say that my heart aches hearing about you and my prayers and thoughts are with you. Your self worth is not tied to this guy's behaviour. It speaks more about him and reflects how immature he is.
Every single relationship is bound to experience ups and downs throughout its course. At some point, the “downs” are just unresolvable. He is not man enough to communicate his issues and straight up went to chase other females. He has zero self control, both emotionally and sexually. He is such a manipulator too. I think it's basic common sense that no girlfriend would be okay with her man sleeping around with other female and talking shit about her on top of it. He obviously knew that this was bound to upset you but he just didn't even bother to care about your feelings. This is so damn disrespectful. Moreover, the fact that he even tried to justify this ill behaviour makes my blood boil. Let me not just even start on the fact that he had the audacity to physically assault you when being confronted about shit HE did. This is just so messed up.
You deserve so much better. I am so glad that you recognised his attempts to lovebomb you. No man is worth sacrificing your dignity for. If he doesn't know how to behave like a decent human being which is literally the bare minimum, drop him sis. Cheating(whether it be physically or as emotional infidelity) is a conscious choice and is certainly not a “mistake”
I hope you find someone who cherishes you for the person that you are and treats you well. Sending loads of love on your way xx
Maybe. I've never been on tinder. I don't know anything about it.
Not your business. If he treats her well and she’s not complaining who are you to complain for her. What if she didn’t like your husband for whatever reason? Could she be like he’s a good man but I dont like the color of his hair so you should find someone else? I doubt it.
Why are you working And doing chores if he's a house husband? You should have minimal chores besides the kids daily. Certainly shouldn't have to cook AND clean daily! Has he always been this disrespectful towards you or are you just now noticing how condescending and disrespectful he is? Sounds like a counseling issue at the minimum ?…
He put you in physical danger and you’re worried about his feelings, OP? Worry about yourself and get far away from this asshole.
She fears it will turn into that? Honey it already is.
Look back at the type of women you are attracted to. Are they very attractive and very social?. I dont know. You have to reflect back.
You should be using the bathroom a lot more than you are. It sounds like you have some mental hang ups on normal behavior. Using the toilet multiple times a day is normal and healthy. Using the bathroom once a week is bad for you. Please see a mental health professional.
How did he smell before you moved in together?
Your boyfriend needs to clean if he makes a mess though.
yeah i would not buy them anything. Your brother is a piece of shit who abandoned his child. If he and his family comes to your parents house for Christmas you won't come. Your parents need to make a choice.
Sounds weird. However as a woman I can turn myself on if I try to think about something that usually makes me horny, when I dont really are in the mood for sex but it is just for starting… then I need more to get to begin… But for men it is a lot of bloodflow to do. I also wondering, if someone has a bomer does not automatically mean that he finds me attractive?
Sounds weird. However as a woman I can turn myself on if I try to think about something that usually makes me horny, when I dont really are in the mood for sex but it is just for starting… then I need more to get to begin… But for men it is a lot of bloodflow to do. I also wondering, if someone has a bomer does not automatically mean that he finds me attractive?
What’s the difference between gf and wife material?
Then let him know you have a gift but would rather wait until you see him next.
I'm curious where you are. I'm guessing not in the US?
In my experience there's a clear distinction between pre-marital assets and martial assets and they do not get intermingled.
If pre-marital and marital assets are mingled, I'm assuming pre-nups are common where you are. If so, they probably are more commonly accepted by all. You probably won't get backlash from your fiance.
He’s been perfect* I was trying to portray that he hasn’t shown any red flags yet and this isn’t a continued pattern
You sound like an immature girl who has never been in a serious relationship. With people like you, if anyone disagrees with you, you accuse them of being an unhinged and controlling partner.
I've been married for 6 years, happily married.
He sounds like a turd
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I know and feel your pain with you. I am so sorry this happened but please, do yourself a favor and try your best to think about this situation clearly. 8 years is a long time and no one likes to say it but everyday you wake up, you and your significant other make a decision to fight for your relationship because it is some NUDE work. She did not fight for you on that day. If you choose to continue your relationship, this is the foundation you are setting your marriage on. I do believe people change but the ball is in your court – You make that decision to stay and she damn well better put 110% into fixing the damage she has caused. Sending you a virtual hug & mindful clarity.
Wow. You married an immature self-centered child. I have no words. I am so sorry.
Some things cannot be fixed once it reaches a certain point no matter what you do.
I once heard A relationship can be like a vase holding flowers. If you drop it and break it, you can always glue it back together. That doesn't mean it will always be as it once was. You can't trust it to not leak like before. At any given time, the structure can give and it falls apart. Sometimes you feel as if you just need a new vase because of past damage.
It sounds like you never got over the way he was before. His two “rights” can't always make up for one “wrong”. If you don't feel comfortable, you might be better off moving on, get a new vase, as the story says.
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So you think she should support you by going to something she doesn't care about and didn't want to do for someone who isn't even her partner but you don't support her by letting her make her own decisions about what is important to her?
Not gonna lie but you sound like an immature, insufferable, ass. I wouldn't want to go to a chip ceremony even if it was my chip ceremony.
I am currently in the situation with my own child (21F) and I understand you completely. I would talk to your husband and tell him no. She left and on her own accord. She isn't homeless and currently staying with some where ans is not in any danger. She is an adult by law but mentally a kid. She won't learn when she comes back or maybe she will, but it should be both of you agreeing. Why cause more stress than needed. You can do a lease contract that way it's there and state what as a roommate has to pay and rules to follow. Seeing as her father wants her to move back in, this will be a tough battle ahead. She can move into her own place and learn how to be an adult. Can't always bail her out when it isn't needed and cause her to just fail and run to dad.
Guys have strength that they just don’t show.
A couple of years ago my daughter (about 20 yo at the time) drank way too much at a friends house and we got called to pick her up. She was pretty much passed out when we showed up. I picked her up and carried her down 2 flights of stairs and to the car. My wife said ‘wow I didn’t think you would be able to do that’.
You both have issues. He is a middle of a “divorce” and rebounding with a 20 something that 11 years his Jr. But what he’s really doing is going home for a week every month to his wife and kids. Your overnight gaming with an ex hookup and keeping your BF away is also sus and inappropriate. But you seeing a married is a bigger problem. You must be the “business trip.”
Hahaha no. I didn’t put any pop songs on it. The only real popular song I put on it was planet caravan- black sabbath. But one of the songs was pretty sappy and overly emotional
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I’m sure he’d be very sorry for doubting me when I found a faithful man to replace him. I have no time for disrespect and lack of trust. ??
Why are you with someone who clearly adds no value to your life? He doesn't celebrate you, or WITH you. He doesn't make your life happier. What value does he add?!
I had the opposite of this when I was 16 at the time (male) talking to an older woman at the time (26). Seriously. I’m now 24 and even 20 year olds feel like children to me. The age gap and maturity at younger ages is absolutely crazy. You may think you are mature, and comparatively to other people your age you probably are! But in even a year or two, you’ll look back at yourself now and go “oh my god she knows nothing”. That cycle repeats every year (and has done for me) every year even till I’m 24 now. Please, please listen to everyone else saying the same thing – this guy is creepy, knew exactly what he was doing to get you to “seduce him” and your cousin is right. I know you can’t always tell the full story on a Reddit post, but you are really too young to have this much of an age gap.
Yah, because you are normal person who enjoy sex with the gender of your preference.
The person that worries about the looks (vs function) of of genitalia of their lovers is looking to neg their lover.
I am a lot older than you and your wife.
So this is how it goes.
Give up gaming or be prepared to be divorced at some point. Very very very rarely is a wife ok with this, and you need to spend all your time with her.
Or be single.
One thing I've learned is that issues of trust must be balanced in a relationship. I don't see that balance in your relationship with your husband because he demands to read your messages from other people but doesn't trust you with the same information about himself.
My experience is that people that need that amount of control will continue to escalate their need for control to some intolerable or terrible level.
So it’s not necessarily the tattoo itself, but what you see as the possible romantic/thoughtful gesture behind it. U/secretholiday1752 is right, focus on what your real issue is and not the tattoo.
Open communication is necessary for a successful relationship. He needs to understand what your needs are out of the relationship, as as well how you plan to reciprocate by meeting his.
Punishing is immature and foolish. Communicate or end it.
And yet, her father sees things she won’t tell us. “Frivolous” ≠ “expensive” either.
She is so afraid to face reality
Your wife is going to reach her breaking point soon, and she is going to file for divorce due to you putting your mum first and not defending your wife.
Damn! Look at you going to opposite way of most women and getting more fertile as you age or something lol
I bet that doc still laughs about that pinky promise. I hope all goes for the pregnancy!
You're a doormat.
So there is a movie you should watch called “He is just not that into you.”
?
There are a few subreddits for SA and surviving SA, maybe they can help.
r/sexualassault r/SexualAssaultSurvivor r/SexualAbuseSurvivors
….just a few….
You are not responsible for his emotions, outbursts or rage fits.
You are responsible for your emotions and you must decide how much longer you will let him on-line in your head.
He clearly doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. You made the right move when you left. It could take him years to make any change or take ownership.
Please consider talking with a counselor that specializes in abusive relationships.
Thank you for your response, I am glad to have some one re-assure me of that. I was just worried if that wasn’t the case.
The reasons you were told are reasons people commonly give for cheating. They are what my cheating ex said was why he cheated. Sometimes, people who feel okay lying to their partners, also lie to their friends. It’s way easier, and it gets you support and sympathy.
This has all the earmarks of tiktok feminism and this is the LADT place you should be coming to for advice.
You will be single soon because of the advice you get here.
It’s true that I work from home and that I have much more ability to make dinner because of that, but it’s not my responsibility to make ALL of our dinners.
Nope, it is NOT your responsibility, but what does that have to do with anything at all?
Aside from all the other 50/50 idiots in this thread who do not consider context and only care about one side of the story, you acknowledge that you have more ability, and he has more physical labor and your idea of love is for him to make dinners for you, (same as him) but in your case it is taking the lessor burden you have off of you and onto him.
If this is part and parcel of a bigger picture, meaning he doesn't do anything at all and expects you to do everything, then yeah, I can see this as a problem. However if this is the ONLY issue that is handled this way, then you are selfish and caught up in a bullshit entitlement scenario.
You wake up, stay in PJ's, go to your laptop with a coffee and slippers. You do you “work” for 35 hours, hours in which you can go to the bathroom when you want, get a snack, grab some coffee or just shut the laptop anytime you want. He gets up, showers, changes, drive x minutes to job. Crawls around or climbs in attics, garages and basements doing electrical work in hot/cold cramped/wet areas. He is in pain most days.
You want him to come home from a nude day and make dinner because “that's fair”.
A relationship is built on love and respect, if you do not think he is respecting you, leave. Good luck finding a man who's going to do physical labor every day while you work from a laptop and slippers and make you dinner.
My point being here isn't that it shouldn't be 5050 and woman belongs in kitchen my point is that all factors should be considered. it seems like you care more about it being 50/50 than the reality of what you both do.
You two should just end it, it's never going to be solved. he is never going to understand that 50/50 is the right thing to do while he is working outside the house in a physically demanding job and you're never going to understand that a physically demanding job isn't the same as working from home. Neither one of you seem to love the other one.
That was WILD with the comments, thanks!
Eah, bi curious possibly bi, maybe wants to try something “new” sexually, question really would be how has your 2s sex life been over the 7 years? Do you try new things or has what you've done been stagnant or possibly routine and maybe you could spring something less routine on him? Maybe hes interested in butt stuff, plenty of straight guys want their significant others to do that. After 7 years together. Thats a long time to not vary things up a bit. Maybe surprise him. Role reversal take him with a strap on or even just a finger in a condom. Point being. He obviously is interested in some change. My guess is after 7 years he is 100% sure about you as a partner but hes getting tired of chicken every night for dinner and yall should try some beef.
i agree with you, no one should be pushed into that lifestyle. however your husband is being pretty unreasonable, especially with how complicated of a situation this is. i would rethink your future with him (only because he is mad at Sami and not Tom for literally cheating multiple times and he could’ve put her in medical dangers with STDs and the like)
Lol sad thing is I'm just now seeing that. Thank you so much it's nice hearing someone tell me good for you i haven't heard that in a very long time
There isn’t anything wrong with you. Sometimes people grow apart or change in different directions, and it’s ok. I was engaged and had a similar situation occur at 27. I thought it was something I did wrong or he did, but at the end of the day it boiled down to us being young and changing in ways that didn’t work with one another during our 20s. It’s difficult now, but it will be a learning experience and you will be ok. The biggest thing is to try and navigate the end of the relationship with kindness and empathy. It doesn’t have to be a horrible end and if you can preserve some form of kindness, you can hopefully salvage some form of friendship in the future (future being keyword here).
I haven’t seen any reason why you would have to. I hid one for three years…
Then that would be on him.
The only blind person here is you.
I'll quote it for you :
One of the first boundaries (I don't know if that's the right term) we established in our marriage is that our opinions on parenting are equal and parenting decisions are 2-yes, 1-no.
OP has made it extremely clear, he is LEGALLY THE PARENT, and they have agreed that each has the power to veto anything they want.
Do you know what this means? This means that if the kid wants to do 1 thing but a parent, ANY parent, doesn't, then its no, and they both agreed to that.
She literally fucked her professor when we first started texting
Why does it matter? He will be fine whatever his decision.
Are you attracted to him because it sounds like a personal agenda.
Yeah, this is not need to know information especially from something being self righteous.
Reverse the genders and then think about it.
This leaves one to wonder if she isn’t feeling alienated from you. She may be feeling like you’re almost a stranger physically/sexually, so even on a vacation its not just a light switch that can be turned on.
If not that, the other implications are not promising in terms of longevity.
You stop bringing it up. She doesn’t want a threesome, so either you drop it and give up the idea of having one while in this relationship or you part ways and do what you want. If you coerce her into one then you’ll end up single anyway.
If by college you mean colleague, and not university, and this person knows your GF, it's likely that this person already knows she has a boyfriend. So what exactly would reminding them of this do, when stating that they have a boyfriend is not in and of itself a rejection at all?
Google your state + court records and see if there’s a site where you can look up what he was convicted of.
He was 17 and I was almost 14 so I may have and he have turned 18 after we started dating but yeah so technically it was legit for a while? don't even ask me lol, but he never had any bad intents.
She thinks she just won the lottery, OP. Protect yourself and end things.
Good ol bingo string snapped while getting nude lap dance from SO and a lot of blood came out but wasnt that painful
I agree that does sound manipulative. It seems like it would be best for you to leave this relationship.
Two years isn't that great of a gap so honestly I wouldn't worry about it.
Could it be the brain tumour you said was terminal? That’s a huge fucking change for her.
even if she has a good reason, not telling you is cruel. it is not the cruelest but it is pretty cruel. you already pestered her, and you got your non-answer so it is time to move on. no closure is a closure. it means she is not a good person. think of it as mother nature played a horrible trick on you. you have to move on.
I dont want to use her as a sex toy. She's my future wife. But I want us to have good sex with a kinky roleplay
Grow up.
And YOU are old enough to also know better
Sounds like she thinks you are disgusting, scary and dangerous. Best to just stay away. Since its your last day, that should be pretty easy to do.
Sounds like it is time for you to remove yourself from that group..if you don't want to be around it, don't…as for your BF? Guess what, he is going to have to make a choice at some point. Unfortunately for you, many regular drug users choose drugs…hey, sometimes in life you have to move forward and others wont join you. sucks but happens.
Most people i know with a lazy eye mention it because then if her eye started to wander she wants you to know to focus on one of them, instead of the typical reaction of “omg what the fuck is wrong with your eye”
You are thinking about this way too much.
Thank you for your answer. I think it's more for a cultural reason but I can't just leave. My parents clearly told me that they could take it as me leaving indefinitely meaning that if I just go without their permission, I would become homeless. I also on-line in a country where it's very hot to get an apartment as a college student without selling a kidney and one leg. I feel like it's not worth sacrificing my relationship with my parents, my home and financial stability for a vacation idk
All I’m saying is, as a man, he might not be 100% safe no one is BUT he is dealing with a level of safety that you’ve never experienced. He needs to try to relate.
And I’m sure I’ll get downvoted because Reddit pretends that society doesn’t put women in danger. But it’s true.
It wasn't nude to understand.
Stop posting fake stories on the internet for upvotes. It's kind of pathetic.
It feels like a competition because you’re seeing it as a competition. So what if she got a nicer rv than you? Or got her bike license or whatever? Does that take away from the accomplishments you’ve made? Also you sound maybe a little too competitive, even here in the comments, to appreciate a good thing you have going.
And if not background then it’s the age thing because yes you’re right, she’s clearly learning a lot from you.
Seriously he’s still a teenager. Maybe it will get better in time.
What your boyfriend suggested is totally disgusting and you should break up with him. However, as someone who worked for many years in education (middle and high school) I find your behavior totally incompetent and unprofessional as well. You’re stigmatizing kids who are in a title 1 school and saying how you can’t understand how one kid is wearing clothes that make him look “rich. Further, you’re interested in his gold chain necklace. Think about how other kids whose parents can’t afford that type of clothing and jewelry would feel seeing their teacher acting like a kid herself just because she’s seeing a “gold” chain. Kids say all kinds of things. Then again, you’re lousy and unprofessional yourself. So yeah, your boyfriend is gross but YOU on the other hand have your own set of weird problems involving insecurities and fascination over material goods and couldn’t control it around a child. There’s a teacher shortage so understandably that’s why you’re there. You’re not there because of skills or cultural competence.
Easy. Take this up with your family. If they're shitty people, call them out on it.
What exactly do you do that makes you qualified to lecture a 21 year old on a 50k salary? He seems to be doing pretty well for himself.
Dude you shoulda never let her move in, she’s obviously a drain and thats why she was lonely
She has had one diagnoses (bipolar) that would fall under that I believe. Most of the rest wouldn’t (adhd, autism, ocd) though. The bipolar was from a doctor when she was 14 that had diagnosed her though.
Her other doctors told her it was a misdiagnosis, and that she didn’t exhibit a lot of the signs. And when I look it up in the dsm-5 it doesn’t look to suit her. Some other ones might though like BPD, but I’m not a psychiatrist to really know for certain.
I just know she doesn’t want any more labeling as she just feels bad about how she has been treated because of those labels. Which is understandable, but nude to figure out solutions to.
So what exactly does he do while you’re busy running around like a chicken with your head cut off? Has it occurred to him that if he were to help with chores maybe you two would have more time to spend together? Not only that he’s putting all of the work to make this kind of stuff happen on you. The passive aggressive behavior from him is just the cherry on top.
Maybe he could look for more menial jobs (supermarket checkout etc) to get some income in and take some stress off you whilst he continues to look? I know it's probably not a nice prospect for him but at least it'll help to bring in some extra income and keep him in a routine whilst he searches for something more permanent
hey, very old fashioned view, however we split finances 50/50 – we both pay half the rent, half the bills, half the food shops and half the pet supplies. he does earn a lot more money than me currently but i honestly wouldn't feel comfortable not paying my way in our house. our hours only usually differentiate by 1 day, so he works 1 day more than me. i do take on more of the housework and fully expect to, but my main issue is the way he keeps undoing a lot of the effort i put in. its all well and good that he tries to be helpful but when i don't feel listened to and things aren't done correctly, it starts stupid arguments as if i want things to be done for ME and not for OUR flat and relationship
Why does everything have to revolve around the one guest? Do the reception you want and just make sure there’s a chair available for her.
I sincerely wish you all the best OP. As for the topic at hand, I don't feel like there's anything I can say, which has not been said. Although I will say to ignore some people & their crazy comments. Yes, you may have areas that need improvement, but some of these comments have just been baffling. I can't wrap my head around some of them. It's is not appropriate to have one on one dates/ hang out sessions with the opposite sex , given what seems to be going on. The fact that she called it something it wasn't is disrespectful. You don't deserve that. Some of these people are like you need to do this & that? I think they actually feel if she would trip & fall on his lap, it would be justifiable. It's not! Have a serious talk with her about boundaries & your feelings, bc they are valid, they matter!