Do you have other relatives you can talk to about this? Grandparents, aunts etc.?
To me it seems your mother is forcing you to stay in the program you dislike in order to have a roof over your head. I’m glad your talking to the university. Don’t worry about the holidays, focus on finding a job/housing. It doesn’t have to be in your university town. If you have friends or relatives that will let you crash for a couple months, move there and start over. And cut your mother off.
That’s fair. I guess I forgot to include that I did initially say I wasn’t comfortable with it but that I was willing to think about it and be open to considering it.
I’m assuming they’re from the United States. If you look through OP’s post history she says in a headline that they were high school sweethearts. That’s commonly an American saying.
He did cheat, he didn't honor your marriage vows and threw you out of your home. He took the word of a woman who was trying to get into bed with him, over investigating and proceeding with HARD evidence and facts. It was all circumstances and it wasn't until someone vouched for you, that he realized that he made a mistake WHILE you were pregnant. You were at your most vulnerable and he still expects you to move on like nothing happened because it's what he did.
The truth is, that he severed your emotional bond to him. By doubting you, turning people against you and sleeping with other people. You may love him but he took a knife and plunged it in deep multiple times. You're bleeding out and the truth is, he may have killed all feelings and if you stay with him, he severely decimated anything there.
I get what your saying and that its hard to raise kids without their bio dad. Every experience is different, i think you can co-parent but you will never be his old wife again. If you stay to work on things, that's your decision, but your feelings and attachment are either dead or on life support.
If your finding it hard to tell your mom maybe show her your Reddit post or write a letter telling her everything. She deserves to know that her husband has been unfaithful and is spending large sums of money without her knowledge.
It will ruin your daughter's life more when he molests and/or rapes her. She'll hate you forever for knowing who he is and never turning him in and failing to protect her. That's your job as her mother. Put your kids before yourself.
Have you looked at the housing market in last two years? If they bought a house more than two years ago, the best time to sell was 6 months ago. There is no way in the world they would have lost their “investment”. He does not want to sell it, easy as that.
You actually believe this is the first time she cheated on him?
You both live! at his house while he’s away working, and you’re doing everything you can to figure out a way to keep this a secret from him. What a horrible way to go through life.
So you're both in a situation with a lot of stress and you've both got your shoulders up to the ears and it's really easy to take offence. Maybe you're both taking out your stress on the other without even realizing it.
Yes, she was very rude and what she said was hurtful since she showed zero compassion and understanding (she doesn't literally want you to die, though).
If you want a relationship to work you both need to work on open and honest communication where you show each other care, understanding and compassion. Practice having deep conversations where you talk without judging each other. There are loads of resources on how to communicate live! and you can search for that to get some ideas.
He's had the ability to get the help. Plus I've tried for years to get him to see a doctor in general about his health overall, least of all getting to get him to see a therapist or anything of that sort. If my comment came off as a personal attack, that was not my intention just me trying to educate someone who may not know or may try to use diagnosis as excuses. My mother is a narcissist with hypochondriac issues so it's something I live! with and see constantly.
He's had the ability to get the help. Plus I've tried for years to get him to see a doctor in general about his health overall, least of all getting to get him to see a therapist or anything of that sort. If my comment came off as a personal attack, that was not my intention just me trying to educate someone who may not know or may try to use diagnosis as excuses. My mother is a narcissist with hypochondriac issues so it's something I on-line with and see constantly.
No you're anger is 100% valid that's pretty fucked up shit and you probably would have been better off leaving him years ago, he's a broken person who doesn't care to fix himself now matter how much it hurts those who are there for him, I know it's really hard because of all the time you've spent and just gotten used to him being your day to day but it will be so much better for you if you get out as soon as possible.
It sounds like bob doesn't want to own up to what he did and being a POS friend that he is. Also it's better than it happening the day of the wedding. The stress of paying for a plate for him and his guest and a place for them to sit for them to get there and leave because you are there
It is normal and healthy to have hobbies outside your relationship. It's not normal or healthy to ask your partner to stop having hobbies outside the relationship.
You're doing a lot of compromising here, and for what? What sacrifices is she making for your relationship?
I can see it being like that too, either we hang out and have fun and inevitably rekindle things or we avoid each other and it's very depressing. To be honest neither one is very appealing, we broke up for a reason, not a really awful one but I don't want to try this again
You don't have to give me an answer, but “incurable” basically means herpes or HIV.
If we're talking herpes – It's very rare to transmit herpes without an active outbreak, so if you never saw or felt anything suspicious on his penis, you might be in the clear. Obviously, you should still get a full checkup, and that is no defense for his actions.
If it's HIV, honey, I'm so sorry. You will be OK. Beyond this test, you may want to get follow up screenings up to 90 days after you last have sex with him, as it may not be detectable immediately. As hard as it is, managing it early will make your life 1000% easier.
I am hoping it's not HIV (beyond the obvious reason) because if someone played with your health like THAT, they should not be in your life. Period. That is a lifetime of medication and the chance that any future children you have will have HIV, just so he could get his dick wet. It is honestly so unforgivable I can't even imagine what I would do.
Didnt read the entire post, but I just wanted to ask. If the relationship is/was rocky and eventually led yo a break up, then how was he your soulmate?
You’re just having the worst year ever. I’m sorry dude (or dudette if you prefer). The cops in your area are going to be on a first name basis soon.
Do you have other relatives you can talk to about this? Grandparents, aunts etc.?
To me it seems your mother is forcing you to stay in the program you dislike in order to have a roof over your head. I’m glad your talking to the university. Don’t worry about the holidays, focus on finding a job/housing. It doesn’t have to be in your university town. If you have friends or relatives that will let you crash for a couple months, move there and start over. And cut your mother off.
That’s fair. I guess I forgot to include that I did initially say I wasn’t comfortable with it but that I was willing to think about it and be open to considering it.
Ir use them against you in divorce
I’m assuming they’re from the United States. If you look through OP’s post history she says in a headline that they were high school sweethearts. That’s commonly an American saying.
Because it means that if I trip and fall they would be there to catch me
He did cheat, he didn't honor your marriage vows and threw you out of your home. He took the word of a woman who was trying to get into bed with him, over investigating and proceeding with HARD evidence and facts. It was all circumstances and it wasn't until someone vouched for you, that he realized that he made a mistake WHILE you were pregnant. You were at your most vulnerable and he still expects you to move on like nothing happened because it's what he did.
The truth is, that he severed your emotional bond to him. By doubting you, turning people against you and sleeping with other people. You may love him but he took a knife and plunged it in deep multiple times. You're bleeding out and the truth is, he may have killed all feelings and if you stay with him, he severely decimated anything there.
I get what your saying and that its hard to raise kids without their bio dad. Every experience is different, i think you can co-parent but you will never be his old wife again. If you stay to work on things, that's your decision, but your feelings and attachment are either dead or on life support.
❤️❤️❤️
What does she say when you sit down and talk with her about it?
If your finding it hard to tell your mom maybe show her your Reddit post or write a letter telling her everything. She deserves to know that her husband has been unfaithful and is spending large sums of money without her knowledge.
It will ruin your daughter's life more when he molests and/or rapes her. She'll hate you forever for knowing who he is and never turning him in and failing to protect her. That's your job as her mother. Put your kids before yourself.
Have you looked at the housing market in last two years? If they bought a house more than two years ago, the best time to sell was 6 months ago. There is no way in the world they would have lost their “investment”. He does not want to sell it, easy as that.
You actually believe this is the first time she cheated on him?
You both live! at his house while he’s away working, and you’re doing everything you can to figure out a way to keep this a secret from him. What a horrible way to go through life.
So you're both in a situation with a lot of stress and you've both got your shoulders up to the ears and it's really easy to take offence. Maybe you're both taking out your stress on the other without even realizing it.
Yes, she was very rude and what she said was hurtful since she showed zero compassion and understanding (she doesn't literally want you to die, though).
If you want a relationship to work you both need to work on open and honest communication where you show each other care, understanding and compassion. Practice having deep conversations where you talk without judging each other. There are loads of resources on how to communicate live! and you can search for that to get some ideas.
He gets so weirded out by the thought of me following him on his socials.
He's had the ability to get the help. Plus I've tried for years to get him to see a doctor in general about his health overall, least of all getting to get him to see a therapist or anything of that sort. If my comment came off as a personal attack, that was not my intention just me trying to educate someone who may not know or may try to use diagnosis as excuses. My mother is a narcissist with hypochondriac issues so it's something I live! with and see constantly.
He's had the ability to get the help. Plus I've tried for years to get him to see a doctor in general about his health overall, least of all getting to get him to see a therapist or anything of that sort. If my comment came off as a personal attack, that was not my intention just me trying to educate someone who may not know or may try to use diagnosis as excuses. My mother is a narcissist with hypochondriac issues so it's something I on-line with and see constantly.
No you're anger is 100% valid that's pretty fucked up shit and you probably would have been better off leaving him years ago, he's a broken person who doesn't care to fix himself now matter how much it hurts those who are there for him, I know it's really hard because of all the time you've spent and just gotten used to him being your day to day but it will be so much better for you if you get out as soon as possible.
It sounds like bob doesn't want to own up to what he did and being a POS friend that he is. Also it's better than it happening the day of the wedding. The stress of paying for a plate for him and his guest and a place for them to sit for them to get there and leave because you are there
Break up. Therapy. New relationship when you’re in a healthier place mentally and more mature.
Nah kissing her forehead?!!!
And rubbing her leg. TF!!!
Apologies on behalf of my gender.
Yeah, man, it's time to end things, I think.
It is normal and healthy to have hobbies outside your relationship. It's not normal or healthy to ask your partner to stop having hobbies outside the relationship.
You're doing a lot of compromising here, and for what? What sacrifices is she making for your relationship?
You really ought to think about anal.
I can see it being like that too, either we hang out and have fun and inevitably rekindle things or we avoid each other and it's very depressing. To be honest neither one is very appealing, we broke up for a reason, not a really awful one but I don't want to try this again
Great ideas. Thanks!
Stop emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. What a gross thing to do. Break up with your boyfriend and spare him.
The tone you wrote this in sounds like you think this is totally okay and normal. It isn’t.
You don't have to give me an answer, but “incurable” basically means herpes or HIV.
If we're talking herpes – It's very rare to transmit herpes without an active outbreak, so if you never saw or felt anything suspicious on his penis, you might be in the clear. Obviously, you should still get a full checkup, and that is no defense for his actions.
If it's HIV, honey, I'm so sorry. You will be OK. Beyond this test, you may want to get follow up screenings up to 90 days after you last have sex with him, as it may not be detectable immediately. As hard as it is, managing it early will make your life 1000% easier.
I am hoping it's not HIV (beyond the obvious reason) because if someone played with your health like THAT, they should not be in your life. Period. That is a lifetime of medication and the chance that any future children you have will have HIV, just so he could get his dick wet. It is honestly so unforgivable I can't even imagine what I would do.
Didnt read the entire post, but I just wanted to ask. If the relationship is/was rocky and eventually led yo a break up, then how was he your soulmate?