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  1. u/bubblebuttgrind, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  2. Whether you had an abortion 7 years before meeting him really isn’t any of his business. It’s fine that you chose to tell him, but if he’s holding that against you, then he’s an a-hole.

  3. Dump him and go on a girls trip to Japan. He’s only going to get more controlling if you let him.

    Also, never buy property with a partner you’re not married to. You have way too many issues to be even considering purchasing a home together. That would be a huge mistake.

  4. OP he sounds a lot like my most recent ex, except the full brunt of his rage didn’t come out until after I decided to leave him.

    When we started living together everything we did ended up pretty much 50/50 and felt effortless, he would even do more than me some days because I was working a lot more than he was. Gradually though he kept finding reasons he couldn’t do his part and eventually it ended up with me working full-time and doing ALL the housework- like 100% I’m not exaggerating.

    If I tried to discuss with him he would double down and blame his bipolar, studies and a side project he was working on. After I left him I found out he had been lying about how much he worked on his side project and had fallen behind in his course at one point because he was actually spending all day playing games and watching stuff.

    So everything he was doing to me emotionally and trying to guilt trip me was manipulative so he wanted me to keep doing everything so he could do that all day every day. He knew exactly what he was doing and that was more important to him than how I felt or was coping with everything. There was one week toward the end I’d had enough and I just did my laundry and left his, he decided to confront me about it and when I explained why I’d left his for him to do (overwhelmed, exhausted due to chronic illness) he was absolutely seething and had his fists balled up with white knuckles. Later that day he was washing up then ‘accidentally’ broke a glass, blamed it on me not doing enough then stormed out of the house and was gone for hours.

    I hope this is not the case with your partner and that you can work this out together. What I don’t like about your post is that it seems like you’re making his issues your responsibility, I can tell this by you calling yourself a “fuck up” and describing feeling like you’re on eggshells in your own home, also because from what you’ve written I know exactly how that feels. His mental health and lack of emotional control are NOT your responsibility to manage, he needs to take accountability for this and put in the work that’s required to change that. There’s nothing you can do to make him do this, he has to be willing to make changes in his behaviour or he won’t change. It’s part of being an adult and not your burden to bear.

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