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  1. O of course, there are definitely better ways to tell someone it’s done and we can only hope it was done in a decent way.

  2. When I first read this, I thought you really wanted to be their godparents, but they were saying, no, you have to be married in the Catholic Church to be allowed to. That would be reasonable, as the boundary.

    But them insisting on you being a godparent and trying to change your marriage and religion to make you do something you don’t want to do in the first place… wtf is going on why are you even entertaining these people?

  3. I’m confused as well bc I deal with this a lot in my field and have experienced it myself. Going to the doctor is not an issue and him talk to his wife when he’s concerned about her is not an issue. Coming from a loving place will not make her feel like there is a lot of pressure to have sex with him. Also going to a sex therapist would be a good idea but that can be costly and make her feel like she’s not good enough bc he thinks she needs therapy. Going to a doctor to see what’s going on is a logical approach. Some of her vitamins levels might be off, or some of her hormone levels. There are so many things to consider. Talking to her bc he is her partner and concerned for her is a wonderful approach.

  4. Talk about it with him! Talk to each other about your fantasies and what you like and don’t like. I think being actively involved goes beyond how you act during sex. Talking about it may help you get out of your head. Also trying something new might get you both more excited and lead to you being more actively involved. It’s ok to feel shy about it, its a very intimate thing and its amazing that hes so patient and non judgmental because that is exactly the type of person that can make you feel comfortable in trying new things!

  5. My husband works 10pm to 8am Monday to Thursday (Friday morning 8am) I was untill last mth doing my masters due to stress of our disabled son and moving house i made the choice to take a year or two out to enjoy tine with my younger kids ( we have 4 ) I do all house work , cooking , making appointments ect ect my husband dose the school run of our middle son as its so far I would be unable to do it and younger sons school run when he's home Fri sat and Sunday he pitches in around the house gose to tip if we need it drives me to supermarket ( I don't drive due to mediation) as well as driving kids to any after school groups and docs appointments during the week anyway the point I'm making is you may now be the only one working but it still takes a village to raise kids while keeping a nice home and eatting well and although you may feel she's on her phone alot she may well be booking appointments as alots done that way now or looking up activities for kids for even a mew meal she fancies trying what we see on the surface isn't always what's going on talking to each other will help you both discover your new riles within your relationship as well as in your role as a parent and within the house but give it time and don't be quick to judge her ( this was wrote on a phone so layout maybe rubbish)

  6. This isn't him being possessive at all. This is him being monogamous. Which is normal. People have different views of relationships than polygamy.

    Respectfully, stop trying to vilify monogamy by calling it “possesiveness.” You could just as easily flip the genders around in this situation and get the same damn thing.

  7. This is a common dating problem, wherein we start to think about the past and compare it to the present situation. What unfortunately often happens is that we confirm that the current person we're pursuing is objectively awful, so then we compare it to the last or others we've dated and think we've made a monumental mistake due to how awful the current situation is.

    I'm here to tell you that that's the wrong mindset to have. What's worse, is that my argument here is honestly incredibly easy to make. I digress.

    In general, you shouldn't be focusing on one vs. another; you need to be focusing on what (or rather who) is right for you. But to keep it focused here, you felt a connection with someone a few months ago who told you almost instantly that it wasn't right. You subsequently dated someone else who you learned was shit. Unrelated events. I will, however, tell you that you need to cut the recent guy off. It's just never going to work. Your feelings regarding the new/old guy are irrelevant.

    So now let's go back to the “old” guy. On that, let's discuss what happened. He didn't/doesn't have time for a relationship. That's all you've provided.

    So again, you've started thinking about that guy. Everything you said after that means nothing. The issue in your mind is that you have a choice to make; you don't. The prior guy doesn't exist. It's not a question of you choosing between this latest guy or the previous guy; again, the previous guy isn't an option for you. So why has he been a problem? We can't possibly know, but you need to know that it's over.

    That doesn't mean you choose the other situation. That will also be a guaranteed failure. Let go of both. It sucks and it's hot. I get it it. But they're not it.

  8. The primary problem here is incompatibility and YOUR entitlement. He's allowed to have his standards for people he dates including a potential partner's dating history. You don't meet them and so he tried to let you down easy, you felt entitled to push that and so he told you the truth. He didn't shame you and you being hurt by what he said doesn't mean he did anything wrong, you should've just respected his “no”.

  9. I disagree, but even if you’re right, her current boyfriend is holding something she did 10 years ago. I think everyone would agree that a lot of growth and change happens from 14 to 24. Absolutely ridiculous for him to make this an issue in their relationship now.

  10. Thats horrible and honestly u will probably never get over it. It will always be a part of ur life if u stay with him and make u miserable so leave and prioritize urself.

  11. In my experience, often times when people have this extreme a problem with time management it’s due to executive dysfunction caused by unmedicated ADHD.

  12. If you were single, and you met your boyfriend today and he showed you that this — how it is now — is what it would be like to be in a relationship with him, would you choose this?

    If the answer is no, my advice is to stop choosing this.

  13. Honestly I just don’t know if when we were texting and calling was the real her. If that’s her personality and it’ll take some time to get to it, then I can do that. Because I think that was great, she was funny and cute. If that was a fake personality she put on and it wasn’t actually her and I’m not gonna see that person, then I don’t think she’s right for me.

  14. Oh OP I am so sorry this happened to you.

    Your body is clearly telling you to run from this guy (the vomitting). I think you should listen to that and start dating someone who wants the same things as you.

    Things with this guy will only get worse if you stay. Trust me on that.

  15. I would be willing to bet they were already sleeping together before the sister let that slip. I'm putting my money on the fact that the sister was trying to shift blame to the husband, thinking that her sister would believe her and then be too mad at her husband to kick her out. Because her sister is 18, and 18 year olds aren't known for being at a stage in their life where they wouldn't impulsively do that if they were trying to get out of trouble.

    Plus sister is already telling him she loves him? This isn't new. No way I buy that at all. I'm putting money that he was sleeping with her before she hit 18. Or at least trying to.

  16. What about, “He took this job BECAUSE he is committed to a future with me”?

    That’s how I see it, anyway. Hanging out in a dead-end, exhausting, and shit-paying job could also be seen as “abandoning” you — leaving you to figure out how the fuck you’re going to afford the life you want, to be the one planning and saving and in charge of everything.

    Just because someone is physically near you doesn’t mean they’re truly with you. And conversely, being physically far is not a measure of devotion, dedication, or partnership.

    He took the job because he wants to build this future life with you. If things work out, there will be other periods like this where sacrifices have to be made for the future — times when you’re barely able to spend time together because one or both of you are working towards a promotion, or advanced degrees, or whatever it might be.

    Those periods are not fun, but they occur because of commitment to the shared future — the opposite of “abandonment” actually.

    Therapy is a fantastic idea. I would even say necessary. Your relationship won’t survive if you’re not able to separate it from this childhood trauma.

  17. Just quiet quit the relationship, stop emotionally investing, just don't put effort in at some point they'll realize and put effort in or they won't but it'll be less dramatic. They text about dinner 2 hours before just respond “sorry, won't be able to make it wish I had more notice” and go about your day. Don't attempt alternative plans just say you can't make it. Take yourself on vacation for Christmas instead of waiting on them. Build some friendships instead of putting energy into all this then you still have someone to take you to the hospital. When you mom calls you crying tell her you'll put the same amount of effort they do into the relationship and then talk about something else or get off the phone.

  18. So… your boyfriend falsely accused an innocent woman of raping him as a child. His friends and family believe he was molested as a 13-year-old, but didn't do anything about it. Yet your main takeaway from this situation is that he lied to you?

  19. The only solution really is to end it. I’m sorry that’s not the answer you want, but it’s the answer you need.

    There’s literally no where to go with this relationship. You’re just hanging onto the relationship you hope it will be, rather than looking at the relationship you actually have, which is a shitty one.

    Nothing is going to make your relationship better after 5 years of cheating and toxicity. The only thing you can change here is yourself, by ending it and moving on.

  20. I wouldn’t be able to stay friends with someone who did this to me either. It’s hot to interpret what he said, to me at least, as anything other than “You have so little worth to me that you coming along would be a net negative to my experience.”

  21. Just to be clear, what do you mean by “tested”? If I had a symptom or was a partner that later found out they had an STI I told my doc who did the paper work for a blood test. You're saying you get a test for all STIs every 6 months or something?

  22. It sucks and you shouldn’t have to do this, but you have to push for investigation on this. It’s not normal to have such bad periods you’re missing work/other activities and they absolutely need to investigate so they can find a solution. If one doctor doesn’t listen then you have to find a second opinion, and a third, etc. try to find a female doctor, it’s not a guarantee, but they’ll generally understand a little better. Also consider that this can unfortunately take a while and birth control may be a solution to stop you being in so much pain in the interim at least.

  23. We have talked about it, my initial reaction was absolute flattery and excitement that we’d come into that space again! It’s just my stupid mental health/insecurity that is messing with me. I’m fully not going to start an argument because as you say, it’s a good thing.

  24. This has come up a lot lately. My favorite solution is to line the floor with pee pads made for the bed. Seems like you could cut them into strips & surround the toilet with them so clean-up is easy.

    Your dad’s obviously not going to do anything differently, so why confront him?

    I’m sensitive to smell & would clean the toilet daily rather than smell piss. It would take less than a minute to spray the toilet with 409 & wipe it down with a paper towel.

    Is this fair? No. Is it better than smelling pee? Yes.

  25. Yea I definitely need to see action. It really sucks for the couple but at the end of the day he can’t take back what has happened. Like you said It isn’t my fault and shouldn’t be up to me to make the tough decisions, it should be up to him.

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