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Ada, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
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While I agree that OP's partner is being manipulative, this is not gaslighting. Gaslighting is a very specific manipulative technique in which one tries to convince the other that something that happened, didn't happen. Or that something that did not happen, did.
“Gaslighting” has become a bit of a buzzword in the past several years, but it's important to use it correctly, especially when discussing forms of abuse or manipulation in relationships.
My sister in christ, you had already broken up. You hadn't even started laying the foundation of the post breakup friendship yet. You were in a transitional period. Would it have been NICE to get more info from him? Sure. Did he OWE it to you? Absolutely not. He's setting very reasonable boundaries.
I get it, eight years is a good stretch of time. Breakups are hard. And it seems like you weren't as prepared for this relationship to end as you'd initially thought. But, it ended. You gotta let it go. You're expending emotional and mental bandwidth on vapor. Just, pick yourself back up and go do some self-care for a while.