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cum on camera [2143 tokens remaining]
Date: December 13, 2022
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I’ve never asked anyone out. I’m not opposed to the idea, but I’ve never been in a situation where it felt appropriate.
Oh sound like she just want some rough sex from you. ?
Wait, did he actually cheat or did he just say (like a scumbag) that he was attracted to her?
Ask yourself this: would you ever say what he said if the roles were reversed? Yes: seek couple's counseling. No: drop the amount of weight your husband is because he is for sure dead weight and pulling you down at your lowest.
He should be your support and propping you up and more concerned with the physical/mental health implications you are experiencing rather than physical attractiveness.
TLDR: IMO as Adele famously said “divorce babe, divorce.”
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I don’t see how your arguments are more logic than hers. Also, if you are the one that accumulated four, soon to be five, kids at the age of 26, dude, don’t talk about logic.
Be careful with “yes means yes.” I have seen/heard that be used as an argument against someone being allowed to revoke consent once given. I have also seen/heard of someone being badgered, manipulated or pressured into a reluctant “yes” when they truly did NOT want whatever it was to happen.
Yeah you're right, thanks
Yeah you're right, thanks
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My GF and I have been together for a little over 3.5 years. We’ve lived together for over 2 years, share a small-ish dog and 2 cats, and have an overall healthy relationship. We rarely fight (maybe 3-4 times total, aside from little tiffs) and when we do it’s typically settled quickly and we move on. She’s very emotionally and mentally supportive, and in most regards is a great partner. I’m currently in a PhD program and she’s working full time. We have some similar interests (hiking, cycling, tennis) and we share a living space pretty well. However I don’t think I see myself marrying her. We have pretty different personalities, and I think that’s were things really break down for me. I’m very goal oriented, driven, have a lot of passions and hobbies, whereas she doesn’t. She doesn’t really know what she wants out of her career nor does she have any sort of plan about where she wants to be in the future. Our senses of humor only click about half the time. I could go on but I’ll spare you all the monotony.
There’s been increasing ‘pressure’ in the last 6-8 months from her family, my family, our friends, etc. on when I’m going to propose and a lot of talk about “our kids” (we’re both on the fence about having kids) and us getting married, which I feel is only making me more anxious and rash about our future and what to do.
I’ve felt this way on and off for over a year and a half now, and it’s recently come to a boiling point for me, internally. I’ve been struggling pretty bad over the last 6 months with this, and I know I need to have a conversation with her about it. I don’t particularly plan on ending things, I overall enjoy our relationship and have a lot of of respect and love for her. On top of that, dealing with a change in living arrangements, deciding who takes what, and the emotional blowback from ending a fairly long and invested relationship with someone I care for, while in an intensive research program is less than ideal. I’m just struggling on how to bring this up and how to handle the conversation, because I don’t think she will take it well.
If anyone has any advice on how to initiate and traverse this type of conversation, I would greatly appreciate it. Feel free to ask for any details you might feel are important, I’m a pretty open book. Thank you
TLDR: I don’t think I want to marry my partner of 3.5 years even though our relationship is overall healthy and I love and care about her. But I don’t really want to end things. Our friends and family have been asking me when I’m going to propose at a rapidly increasing rate. How to I navigate this conversation with her?
Edit: typos and little left out small detail
Its never going to change. If you stay, this is what the rest of your life looks like – this is literally your wedding getting cancelled here, OP. It doesnt get much more disruptive than that.
Your partner is a grade A enabler and his brother is, subconsciously or not, controlling him. Its unacceptable and should never have got this far, and that's entirely on your fiance.
No, you need to go no contact. Next time he might kill you first before he makes a half-hearted attempt on himself.
The man is dangerous and unhinged. Absolutely blank them all.
OP forgot to add that his mother has sextist views and has negative opinions of his wife, judges her because he helps with some chores and they both cook. She isnt outwardly mean, but in a passive aggressive way to make it seem like she is concerned. His wife feels judged by her so I totally get why she was pissed. I'm sure he doesn't defend his wife or tell his mother to respect her. He has been with his wife longer than he has ever spoken to his mother so my guess he is afraid he will lose his mom for defending his wife.
If you don't know if you're having one you most certainly are not. You will 100% know.
One Fan??? Are you guys in middle school?
Dude calm down I've seen many therapists before.
I consider her “potential marriage” material, that's it.
I'm willing to admit if things don't work out.
I'm more then fine just dating her right now.
People with severe allergies typically try to avoid allergens. Also .. smoking with asthma? I call b.s. and you’re naive for believing his b.s.
I do have a step by step process:
Get a post office box and a storage unit. Any correspondence relating to wither should be sent to an address where nobody will tell the STBX Transfer all utility, bank or other correspondence to the PO box. Smuggle the smaller, irreplaceable stuff (important documents, photo albums, jewellery or other sentimental items. “logistically” detach from him. Bank accounts, streaming subscriptions, anything you have to have contact him for. Secure somewhere else to on-line. Tell NOBODY you can't trust to keep their mouths shut about it. This includes Telling STBX or anyone that might blab as to what you're really up to. Mentally detach. You didn't mention your emotional state, but visualise your future without him i.e. quiet, peaceful, and having the opportunity to get out of debt. If you feel you lack the strength to just say “it's over” write it down in a letter. You've moved all the small stuff (covertly, so he hasn't noticed) now it's D-Day. If you can't get him out of the house for a couple of hours, invent something. If not, call the cops so they can “supervise” your move. In other words, stop him from stopping you from moving out. If you don't trust your local police, get a friend or someone that can hold him at bay for you until you do move Remember the lease on wherever you're living. Explain it to the landlord, and you will be moving out on x date, and will therefore sign out of the lease at that date. What happens after that is not your concern, as you no longer on-line there.
Always look forward, never back. Remind yourself why you broke up whenever you feel yourself weaken. Block him from email, social media and your phone if necessary. May your exit be smooth and hassle free
You seem to understand that this is just his personality and that it's not specific to you. If you require more than he's capable of giving then the two of you just aren't a good fit. You may not be “expecting too much” generally speaking – you'll know that if in later life you're unable to find someone willing to cater to you. But you are definitely “expecting too much” of this particular guy.
Take some time to adjust with moving in then see how you feel. I was really nervous moving in with my boyfriend. I didn’t know what to expect and now I honestly love it.
Listen to your gut feelings don’t ignore them. You just don’t want to make an impulsive decision so soon, you want to be sure.
This guy has nothing to offer you except an STD. Move on
Reading your follow up comments…..
You know, part of our job as parents is to demonstrate healthy relationships with people and money for them to model. Do you really want your kids thinking this is appropriate?
If it were just you, so be it. Stay with the loser. But you have kids in the mix.
No one can tell you if it should be a dealbreaker.
I don’t see how following models is a big deal- especially if you are one. I hear your concerns and I’m not saying their invalid- but if you look at it from his perspective then there are some major concerns there too.
You post to all these followers because you want attention, you are more likely to cheat because you have all these followers, etc.
This isn’t me saying those things are true- just pointing out the potential concerns that could be had on paper.
Are they reasonable? Maybe, maybe not.
No one here can tell you that. No one here can tell you why he follows all those models or anything like that.
Talk to him. He’s the only one with answers.
Or don’t. You can decide you just don’t feel comfortable with it and break up. There’s no right or wrong answer here.
Thank you for the response
Going to friends or family. I just can’t. Best friend is heading back home from overseas and needs to get settled after a few years away. My family is actually abusive, so there is no discussion there. Other friends I have were work colleagues and so we just were never close enough for something like this.
I did leave the apartment ofc, so I’m away from him. But wouldn’t I be abusive if I kept trying to talk with him to resolve things with me? Is he really abusive if I want to be with him? Sorry. My head hurts and nothing feels entirely real.
It's like you want to fail with your daughter.
43 years old and still an embarrassment to your parents says it all.
Hang on, so he's spent 3 years moulding you into a pretty little object and is shaming you for not wanting to wreck your skin but he will wear the same pants for 3 days, his groin stinks and you can smell his feet??!! There is a good reason noone his age is sleeping with him, he is sexist, stinks and is controlling. He doesn't view you as a human but as something he can manipulate, control and use. To be honest I'd be telling him either he ups his personal hygiene and drops the sexism or you are out, I'm 2 years older than him and I wouldn't have tolerated that level of BS for more than a few weeks
Seconding the idea of checking a urologist.
It's very simple, if it deviates from the norm it's worth checking out.
What does he mean regarding the repression and being more authentic to himself? Him crying for 3 days seems to come from either knowing the relationship is over or he’s facing some sort of major identity crisis.