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Room for live! sex video chat agathabell_
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Date: October 17, 2022
Yeh I’ve told her she’s essentially enabling their behaviour (not trying to victim blame), but she says she wants to believe in them. Yes it all feels very strange, and then as if I now have to compete even though I am dating her.
This sounds like a relationship with NO benefits lol
You're right. Jake won't do anything he thinks will help Ryan. Thanks.
The “I’m a monster” comment is also textbook manipulation. She just rewrote how she was turning it around on you, wanting you to coddle her for doing something mean to you. She seems super immature.
I've made comments that to me were in jest but were really hurting him.
What comments did you make specifically?
Yeah stop playing games. You sound like a bratty teenager
Trust issues are a thing!
I was just going to type “above my paygrade”. But if therapy is not in the cards, maybe see if Dan Savage wants to tackle this on his podcast or in his column
That was the biggest thing that jumped out to me! In an 8 month weekend only “relationship” that she doesn't want to lose. Risking her life each time they're together because of his abuse. Not trying not to get pregnant with 3 children to support already.
OP you need some serious self esteem counseling and parenting classes! I'm worried about them.
When you went to her birthday party how did she involve you? Also when you are both around her friends does she act like a couple? Or like to could just be a friend?
It sounds like she has gone off you & you shoul listen to her actions & end the relationship.
However her not being open about being in a relationship with, or thanking you, sounds as if she didn't even like you that much to begin with, or was dating/looking for someone else.
From an outside perspective it seems really suspicious & like she is hiding you, for what reason it's not clear but you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, is open about your relationship & that is equal.
Good thing you know her excuses and cheating are bs
This is 100% it – especially about not watching porn being a non-action
Ten year age difference. Says enough
Basically her whole relationship with that ahole, she should block him and ask him to never talk to her again, he’s just manipulative, obv has a crush on her, quite obv tbh, and hates you because you are her bf, he also made you insecure, so either she cuts contact with him or she can go, bc it’ll just get worse for you, bc imagine this okay, you and her have a fight, she talks to him, and starts talking shi about you, how she doesn’t deserve you etc, what do you think his next move is? Trying to replace you, so unless you want that to happen consider talking to her about the ahole of a friend she has
So it’s possible to get an erection by “forcing” yourself to be into it?
No I understand this.. it’s strange how much the truth can be bent for me in this all.
You really don't deserve all the downvotes, you're aware of the problem, taking responsibility, and trying to fix it. That's all anyone can hope for. Not sure why people are being so callous right now
Talk about it with him?Bring it up?Ask if their is a problem?
Talk about it with him?Bring it up?Ask if their is a problem?
OP, if you really care about your BF you will tell him you won’t be with someone who endangers other people’s lives by driving drunk. End of discussion. If you can’t tell him that you are no better than the drunk driver who killed your aunt. Even worse is if you want to say that to him but you are worried he will leave you. Get a grip OP!
Call his bluff.
I did it. My husband has reached his limite too. My 23 year old nephew became my BIL's new victim though. Apparently my nephew is paying his uncle's rent + utilities. I'm not in a position to say anything but I wish someone would…
But why be sorry for OP? He is knowingly having an emotional affair with his female friend while she has a boyfriend, how disrespectful.
I tend to base my value of a person far beyond a numbers game, but I've also never had an adult ask me how many intimate partners I've had. I'm guessing it may be a mental maturity thing.
Someone my age could easily have 30 intimate partners, having done so responsibly, and come out of it with no kids or communicable diseases.
Someone 20 years younger could be a very different story, as everyone values their body and minds differently. I happen to value both greatly, and responsibly enjoy pleasure.
I tend to base my value of a person far beyond a numbers game, but I've also never had an adult ask me how many intimate partners I've had. I'm guessing it may be a mental maturity thing.
Someone my age could easily have 30 intimate partners, having done so responsibly, and come out of it with no kids or communicable diseases.
Someone 20 years younger could be a very different story, as everyone values their body and minds differently. I happen to value both greatly, and responsibly enjoy pleasure.
Your relationship is doomed. Whether you love her or not.
I'd start with some ground rules. First, apologize to the guy. Tell him that you're sorry for yelling at him, that you care about him, and you don't yell at people esp those you care about. Then, tell him you won't do it again. I don't tolerate yelling from anyone including my wife, and I don't yell at anyone except for my children if they're being disobedient after several warnings.
Tell him that you have some trust issues as well from your past, it's sensitive, and apparently is resurfacing itself. You thought you worked thru it but you're seeing there are still issues. Tell him that when he said he wasn't on social media, that you took that literally. Not that it's anything wrong with being on social media, but it can be deceiving to say you're not on social media when he is. It would have been more appropriate for him to say that he doesn't use many social media platforms although he has them.
I don't see anything wrong with asking a vegetarian about a chicken sandwich. Your skepticism is valid, but no reason for a confrontation.
I'd strongly suggest going to see a therapist if you haven't already. If you have then perhaps a psychiatrist would be more appropriate. Your issues are internal, so work on yourself first.
Tell him that you're grateful for the time that you have spent together. You appreciate him coming to see you and you want to make the best of the rest of the time together if he'd allow. Then I'd probably get and give a token of appreciation (it could be anything from you paying for a date and a small gift, to a gift, etc…).
Tell him that it hasn't been that long and it hasn't been the best start, but the good news is it can change quickly for the better. You're willing to do the work. Hopefully this helps.
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In the last few days we’ve had woken post here about their male partners abusing them, threatening to kill them, and now this. Wow. The things people deal with.
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He used condoms that SHE supplied.
Definitely doing all of this!
Problem is getting time with her and getting her out of video games, but not completely. Video games are her stress relief and break from life. However life is still there waiting to beat you up when you log off.
Are you? You are the mistress.
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He is attempting to isolate your mom!!
Her friend knows this!!
You need to tell mom!!
He isn't lord and king of the castle, mom gets a say!!
yeah, I'm not focused on that 'romantic' part, at least i dont think I am anymore. I'm trying to put on this “whatever happens happens” mindset regarding this situation, but is it a good idea or not?
Look, you don’t need to answer me… just have an honest conversation with yourself. Is there any chance you are looking for a reason to be excluded so that you can get the dramatic effect and pick up a fight? Because a well functioning person, after seeing that message would call the boyfriend and ask if there is a party happening and if there is an invitation for them. And if not, end the relationship then and there.
This was immature from all sides
It sounds like you’re incompatible. She sounds like she’s pretty devoted to her religious beliefs and you sound like you really don’t want anything to do with religion.
I’d talk to her first and see if there’s any middle ground, but you may need to call it quits. There’s a lot of areas where two people don’t need to see eye to eye, but for instances with religion and especially how you two seem to be at opposite ends of that spectrum I don’t see how it’ll work.
I mean once you’re married then what? You may get physical affection yeah, but is she going to expect you to go to church with her? If you two have kids are they going to church? What about religious holidays? I mean depending on how serious she is is she going to expect you two to pray, contribute financially to the church, and things like that? I dated someone very serious about religion while I wasn’t as serious about it, and trust me it can create a pretty big rift between two people.
This sounds like a you problem. They're only trying to make you feel welcome in their home and family, because they know that your boyfriend loves you.
Been there done that. Never again.
He was excited to be my first time and teach me about it
He was gonna teach you? What happened to that?
He had a breakdown because sex is a need for him… he was the one that stopped having sex with me and turned down all my attempts at initiating it.
A breakdown because of a lack of sex? Like an undersexed tantrum? You know, sometimes what looks like a breakdown is actually a manipulation tactic. After months and months of denying YOU sex, he has the audacity to throw a fit because he’s not getting all the sex he wants. Wants, not needs. Wants still matter in a relationship, but wants are not needs, and nobody needs sex.
He told me I’m bad at sex (which makes sense because I have literally no idea what I’m doing)
He chose to date a virgin. Said he was excited to teach you things. 9 months later, he taught you nothing. Teaching you to be better at sex was kind of his responsibility as your monogamous sex partner.
He wanted to open the relationship (which also makes sense.)
Doesn’t sound like that’s what you want. That should be a dealbreaker.
…weeks of him flirting with people behind my back… he keeps taking videos [of us having sex] and sending them to the girl…
Girl, what?? How far backwards are you willing to bend for this guy? And I don’t mean literally.
… he sounded so uninterested… he started talking about how I’m bad at sex and making it kinkier helps a little bit.
He’s an asshole, and a bad boyfriend, but also something feels kinda off about a guy complaining endlessly about a girl being bad in bed. Most guys are happy just to be there. You can lie there like a dead fish and that’s adequate for most men. It just seems like he’s manipulating you into letting him fuck other girls.
I want to get better at sex, but only really for him
You should get better at sex for yourself hun. And for the NEXT relationship.
I want us both to be happy and secure and able to have a healthy relationship.
You can’t. Cuz he’s a wad. And he’s not gonna stop being a wad. He’s a dirtbag, and you deserve better. Seriously DUMP HIM.
Because They have been fucking around. I'm sorry.
That’s because it is
Right?
Gah. This is so much easier said than done. OP is going to set SO many bridges on fire with this news.
Think of your mom first and what you’re telling will do to her.
If he thinks she is writing him indirect messages on her business page, that sounds schizophrenic. Please get an amicable divorce as gently and carefully as you can.
Been reading too many news stores about seemingly average men killing their families without warning.
You didn’t make a mistake.
you dont think a spouse should try and help their partner with their mental health issues? abandonment is better?
Are you joking? Obviously don’t work through things grow a backbone and stop letting people treat you like this. How can you possibly read that comment and think they are advising you to work through things? You are deluding yourself into thinking this relationship is salvageable. Going into debt to take her on dates? This is a nightmare
Then fuck you lol, i was adding context to something without it “bud” condescending fuck.
It’s impossible cos drugs is illegal in PH but idk
You're 26! Calm down, you're still incredibly young and when all your currently getting engaged/ married friends are juggling families, careers and divorces in two or three years time you will STILL be young.
Thanks. You’re right. I guess more conversations need to be had, but we truly are just enjoying spending time together as two people without noticing the age issue – unless I get carded and he doesn’t which makes him feel awkward. Makes sense. I guess I’m just freaking out a bit at the potential of what this could turn into/getting hurt. I had a terrible 4 year relationship so I’m very hyper vigilant about red flags and I really do think he is just a nice normal guy..
Ask her what she wants to do.
not in exchange, and I also didn't really offer, she asked me if I would let her borrow the money (which in her defense she already has paid me back for)
Why do you need to ask what she's looking at? She's not “hiding” things. She wants privacy because she isn't a child. I'm more concerned with your concern over her phone. If she has nothing to hide WHY DO YOU CARE?
OP, she never stole anything from you since you never had it.
Get over yourself.
I hope your fiancé comes to his senses and breaks off the engagement because you are still adamant you are entitled to something that was never yours to begin with.
This post is definitely something that would more appropriately fit r/Choosingbeggars.
I don’t think there’s enough info for an outside perspective to have a solid opinion on the matter all of these things you’ve listed could go either way. I could see her bringing up the threesome thing to you as a complaint of a gross bf or as testing the waters so to speak on how you would feel about it. The shower thing is a bit weird but I’m a guy so I’ve never been in a comparable situation some women are very comfortable with nudity around other women and that’s perfectly fine.
Yep, he likes this coworker but doesn’t want to lose his security.
This makes no sense. I have never heard of an inheritance being void if the recipient has debt. Even if this is true, someone is contesting his right to the money. That means he may not get the money anyway. If that happens you are screwed.
This sounds like a scam. He should have legal paperwork he could show you. I would have wanted to speak to his lawyer before taking out a loan. You have a right to know where and how your money is being used if you expect it to be repaid.
I think you were scammed. Insist on meeting the lawyer. Ask to see the receipt from the lawyer for the funds paid. There should be a contract between your bf and the lawyer that you can see what is being paid and what it covers.
You may want to go to the police with your concerns.
I think talking to a therapist might be really helpful, since you seem to be so much in your head. But that only as a side note.
Generally I don't think relationships that are on-off-on are working well. I always think that if a relationship i ended, it was for a good reason and you didn't just want to be together very hot enough. Therefore I don't understand why one would go back to an already ended relationship: it didn't work the first time, why would the feelings be there now?
Then again, I do think that one should feel comfortable in a relationship. It should feel like a home where you can be exactly who you are without pretending anything else. Of course one does not need to be rude, but what I mean is not changing ones behaviour to something else or bottling up too much.
I think you should try to be 100% you in this relationship and see where it goes. What I might turn down a little bit is the anxiety talk: don't burden your gf too much with constant talking about insecurities. But otherwise, be your full self. If she doesn't appreciate it, I don't think this relationship is good for you.
there would be times where he would go dry and not text or answer me for a few days or go on 4 day benders and gives me a two to three answer update right before he knocks out. and like we would have arguments about his ex (they had a puppy love so I kind of got over it) and how he would hang out with her one on one but he did not like me hanging out with guys one on one. and during those “downs” he would gaslight me but that has stopped and he has gotten better with communication.
I am a serial dater and I have never settled down. I have a daughter with one ex girlfriend and my daughter is now living with me. So I would say that life goes on. If she wants to leave and she is taking little things and blowing them out of proportion than give her her walking papers and move on. Life gets better.
do you really want to have to explain to each and every one who asks why your parents weren't invited?
What? OP is not-at-all obligated to explain to every guest at his wedding why his parents aren't coming. It's none of their business, and if they insist it is, then he can just kick them out for not respecting his decision.
First time you get hit, you leave. No question. There’s no coming back from that.
I’m so sorry but your husband is not only a cheater but he’s a real asshole! Seriously…believe him when he shows you who he really is and get the hell out of there!
I mean it sucks but she's not cheating.
You got to cut her out for a while. You're not doing yourself any favors by saying friends this close to the breakup.
Going to all the appointments is.. like just barely above the bare minimum dude… it's not an amazing outstanding achievement.
I think you forgot the fact that she kissed her friend. That’s why he didn’t wanna marry her yet.
This is the cutest shit I have ever heard and I would love it if my fiancé went the extra mile like that. We do movie nights every so often with the popcorn and the snacks and stuff and a few drinks and it is really nice and cozy.
You didn't do anything wrong sis he is just ungrateful.
Any updates?
I did a similar heist when my bff's ex-brother-in-law married his affair partner less than sixty days after his wife (her sister) passed.
10/10 was not difficult, I was provided with his work schedule, pictures of what the urn looked like, and a best-guess estimation where in the house it was being stored. He doesn't seem to have even noticed she's gone.
That would be a major deal breaker for me. Even if he used someone who was doing this fully consensually the idea that a woman's consent can be paid for and that their bodies are commodities is a big no in my book. People can compare it to buying a woman dinner or whatnot but those two are not the same no matter how people try to twist it.
First off, all relationships are transactional to some degree. You can give her what makes her happy or she leaves. She gives you what makes you happy or you leave. That's the basic gist of any relationship.
But, your girlfriend is just stingy. I recommend, if you want to stay with her, that you bring the receipt for anything you buy and show it to her and tell her to send you half of the amount. Maybe she'll realize she's getting more from you than you're getting from her and then she'll stop.
But, if it were me, I wouldn't stay with a person like this.
This 100% my husband and I took years to finally say exactly what we liked and what felt best and let me tell you, we were both missing out lol ?
Have you ever mentioned a Brazilian wax? If not —- homie is trying to tell you something. He’s probably lusting over other women and instead of telling you directly what he likes he’s making it a weird “date” idea. Is he getting the wax treatment too? Lol
Andr*w T@te
he had two people break into his home and was so affected by it that he literally blacked out while beating someone up, and now he's scared that he could go to prison for defending his territory and his woman, through no fault of either of theirs, is afraid of him because of her abused past.
if that's not something to work through, idk what is.
I’m definitely not ok with that. I have expressed this exact logic to him and yet still, I’m overthinking it.
There were no red flags in the beginning. He spent time with me, called me every night, spent the night and the only time he was acting weird was around the time his child was born. Then he went back to normal but I thought he was in trouble because his boss had been arrested and figured he was involved in the case somehow
Yep, I know what it is – I have a pacemaker myself. I was only asking in case it was something unexplained, in which case huge alarm bells would be ringing around the possible nature of his abuse. I hope you get your answers soon, but still please leave this awful manipulative man, he is not good for you. Good luck to you.
Sounds like both you, and your ex-wife need intensive therapy. You already put your kids through enough, this on/off is NOT healthy at all.
I truly hope that he doesn’t make the same mistake as well.
But, like you do, I think he likely will.
This time, she went to extra lengths. The guy was saved in the address book under a different name. A lot of the texts were deleted. I’m sure she’ll tell her sob story and that it didn’t mean anything and OP will likely eat it all up.
He talked about conversion to OP. Doesn't sound atheist for me. Do you think it is possible to concert to Judaism while explaining you are atheist to the rabbin?
Run!
Not sure why you'd think that would make me go away.
She held a grudge for 15 years against a teenager whose home she actively helped to break up. F!ck Sarah, she’s scum. How could you ever trust her??
If your dad refuses to come around because you don’t want this hoebag in your life, that’s on him.
Just be super careful with the copper IUD, you can get copper toxicity and doctors will do shit all about it. I’ve been to over six doctors and they are all like, “Wow, that’s super weird and I’ve never heard of that. Maybe the next specialist doctor will know what to do. Please pay $100 on the way out.” Gee thanks doc, my copper is still 209 when normal is 70-140 and life sucks every day. But sure, check my thyroid, B12, and D again for the millionth time this year to see it’s still normal. Sorry for unloading, I’m obviously pretty easily upset by anything copper related and want to warn others because doctors will not.
Can I introduce you to my cousin? He’s a rich Nigerian prince. He just needs a little money to be able to access his fortune…
If I were in a weird relationship with somebody, I sleeping with, which I would never do, and they sent me some flowers with affection I would think again they were hesitating. This woman is going to make her decision at the end of this you have nothing to lose so if you care for her, you say you care for her, and you let it go turn it over. But the first suggestion would be like milquetoast. What would be the point
So true
Thank you so much.
I appreciate your advice and well wishes
You want 3, clearly. If it doesn’t work out, search guy 4
wow! your husband is a prick for saying that! instead of comforting you & go to therapies together
Losing a baby can be devastating and leave you with a range of emotions and lots of questions. Healing emotionally from it is often harder and longer than the physical healing.
Get him to sit down & talk to him on his reaction & the grieving process that you both need + therapies. if you don't then it will be an abusive situation as anger flying around.
Still doesn't mean he was abused as a child?
I mean only you can really answer that. As an outsider looking in it seems to be a whole lot more hassle and drama than I'd ever be comfortable with. I'm not really sure I'd be valuing friendships with people who lack any maturity either.