Count your blessings. One of them is that he is gone. You do have your shit together. You're in school. You're working naked to pay for it. All that is good.
Wow this is a terrible position to be in. If you have a child you don’t want you could end up resenting her and the child. If you don’t have a child she might end up resenting you. Good Luck.
I will never understand men who decide to become a parent only to not be a parent after all. No matter how much you work: Your partner and child(ren) are your first responsibility.
Your partner sounds abusive… and walking on eggshells isn't the way to deal with it.
You're thinking of protecting your relationship, and your partner is only interested in protecting their own anger.
You should be rethinking the relationship at this point.
And re-think the silent treatment. My wife used to do this to me occasionally because it worked. And then one day I decided to have fun with it… I'd treat her ignoring me like a vacation. I'd listen to my music, watch my shows on TV, have a cigar, do whatever I wanted and she couldn't complain… because she was ignoring me.
I definitely think you should talk to him, because this could either be SA or a genuine mistake. My fiancé will sometimes grab my boob in his sleep (i know he’s asleep, we’ve been together 4 years and i know when he’s faking) One time he started feeling me up and I thought he was awake but he definitely wasn’t, because i pushed his hand away and he woke up startled. I think depending on his reaction to you bringing it up you’ll probably be able to tell if it was on purpose or not.
Although it might be an acceptable lube option for external masturbation of the shaft of a penis in some cases, lotion is not at all safe to use as lube for anal or vaginal sex, nor during external masturbation of a vulva.
Here’s why:
Lotion can contain a wide variety of ingredients that may irritate delicate vaginal and rectal skin, causing burning, stinging, itching, or rashes. Many ingredients in lotion can easily disturb the pH balance of the vagina or anus, potentially leading to bacterial or yeast infections.
First, I don’t care about up/down votes. I’ve had my account for 3 years, been active for 9 months and still don’t understand why people care about karma. It’s my point of view and I’ll write it out if I want to.
Evolution doesn’t have anything to do with abortions, but it does have to do with seeing his partner in a different light after finding out she was pregnant. Guys learn how to not give a shit that a woman isn’t a virgin, but they typically don’t put the effort in to think about whether she had been pregnant.
As I’ve said in other comments, this wouldn’t happen to me, but I understand that he’s having these intrusive thoughts and he’s trying to figure out how to deal with it. My comment was just trying to convey some empathy while everyone grabs their pitchforks.
Maybe he thinks YOU don't want to get married anymore because YOU haven't brought it up in 6 years.
Don't hint — have a conversation about the future, what you want, and when. He's not a mind reader, and being honest about your desire to get married is not “forcing” him to do anything.
Am I the only person who senses that his wife has gained like 15 lbs and he's having a fit about it?
Big folding belly huh?
Yeah you should tell her—and you should also ask if there are any things that you are doing or that are happening to your body that are a turn off. Bet she has a list too.
This is one snippet of our relationship, I’m asking for help and this isn’t helpful. I obviously don’t think hurting people is a good idea as I’ve clearly stated that I feel bad about it. I treat my boyfriend so well 99% of the time, I just want to know how to make things better if I am a dick, and how to not be one.
Who’s to say if he did or still does but it’s still a dirtbag move to message you and say what he has. He could’ve just said I wanted you to know I was wrong and am sorry… instead he’s now messing with your head/heart and emotionally cheating on his current gf… I know he’s only human but if he really wanted you back ho should’ve done it the right way by being single, since you broke things off, took time to grow and fix himself… instead he’s showing the same behaviors unfortunately. Obviously you know him and only you will truly know if he did/does indeed love you…
He wants all the sugar without putting out any effort. He has already broken up with you. Get out ASAP and block his number, he is pulling some incredibly selfish bullshit even suggesting this ridiculous set up.
Can she articulate exactly why not having your last name would mean her son is “less accepted” by you? Why does she feel so strongly about this? To me it doesn't make any sense, when my mom remarried we (my older brothers and myself) had a different last name than her and her new husband (and my baby brother)… That didn't make us any less family.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” as they say…a name doesn't matter and I find it very strange she would be going against her son's actual father to do this. Seems like she's trying to erase the past and pretend like you are her son's biological father, it's weird
Have you tried waking up a little earlier and having sex in the morning before she goes to work? Have you asked her is the gym is making her too tired? If she’s just gone cold and won’t consider alternatives it’s time to have a real conversation to see what has happened.
Her refusing an abortion makes so much sense as to why he suddenly became abusive. That's a situation that OP was never in, and it doesn't sound like the ex was ready to settle down. This is why shotgun weddings because of a pregnancy are never a good idea.
Are you able to access her phone bill (if you guys are on the same plan, you should). You can see who she’s been texting. Count up the messages for a given time period on the bill then the messages on her phone to that guys number.
A good dad changes diapers and feeds the baby (assuming the baby uses a bottle).
A good man (and person in general, but let's just say man because that's who we're talking about) will never have sex with someone who doesn't currently want to have sex.
A good man wants his partner to use protection that works for her, unless they both have agreed to have another child.
A good man contributes what he's able to to his family (whatever that may be) and doesn't drag everyone down.
My husband has changed more diapers than I have, by a lot. It's not even a contest. (I feed more, he diapers more, because boobs vs no boobs.) Honestly, it sounds like my dad may have changed more diapers while just babysitting grandbabies than your man has for his own child.
She's fully grown and should have the mental faculties to work through and manage her own issues. When these “attacks” occur, she should seek medical or therapeutic help. She's manipulating and conditioning you. Classic predator behavior (I'm not accusing her, just an observation).
yeah. I held off on asking while we were talking the past 2 months because I'm scared of the answer. If I were to ask I'd want to do it in a casual passing-by kind of way. I don't know how/when/where the right forum to ask is.
I feel I do the same. I don't think my fiancé has seen me cry, at most it would be once or twice.
During our 'moments'… When I see my gf being the emotional one, something triggers in me where I need to be the stronger of the two and hold it together.
I have no clue how your partner functions as a person, I can only speak for myself.
But if we had this conversation, it would go:
You never cry in front of me, especially when we have something emotional happening. This clearly doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me. You don't care as much. No, you're wrong. Its not that these situations don't mean anything to me and I don't care…. I don't cry, because I care. I care about being the stronger one in the situation so we can get through this conversation. If we're both hysterical, we're not going to get through this. So, I choose to be the shelter.
Same concept is applied in heated moments. She's the yeller when angry, I am the calm / collected one. And just because there is no emotional reaction from me, doesn't indicate a lack of care.
In fact, I would even argue that those who are capable of controlling their emotions for the sake of the conversation… is the one who cares more.
Again, that's me and I don't know if the same can be applied to your SO.
Not everyone reacts to situations the same. Just because you cry, doesn't mean there should be an expectation of him reacting the same way. Everyone functions differently.
I don't think there is anything blatantly wrong in regards to your post. If you're going to evaluate your SO's level of emotion for you, I think you should be basing it in how he treats you day to day, instead of focusing on the rarer extreme moments.
And truth be told (this may come off has controversial)… In my experience (other men will probably agree), women say they want their men to be fragile, emotional, vulnerable. That is what they say, but not what they need. They want to feel their partners emotions, and you can demonstrate that by giving a powerful love daily. But when times are tough, they need someone who can spear head the situation and get both of you out of it.
Therapy for you both. And report him to the cops.
You might be thinking of serendipity, friend
Thank you so much, that is really helpful. I appreciate the advice
Count your blessings. One of them is that he is gone. You do have your shit together. You're in school. You're working naked to pay for it. All that is good.
Wow this is a terrible position to be in. If you have a child you don’t want you could end up resenting her and the child. If you don’t have a child she might end up resenting you. Good Luck.
Thank you! That’s a good way of asking I’ll try that
I will never understand men who decide to become a parent only to not be a parent after all. No matter how much you work: Your partner and child(ren) are your first responsibility.
If I found out my boyfriend was talking to other guys about women like this, behind my back, I'm sorry, but I'd be out.
Don't be an absolute PIG.
Don't fucking disrespect me like that.
I don't need more things to keep me awake at night. Bye bye.
Your partner sounds abusive… and walking on eggshells isn't the way to deal with it.
You're thinking of protecting your relationship, and your partner is only interested in protecting their own anger.
You should be rethinking the relationship at this point.
And re-think the silent treatment. My wife used to do this to me occasionally because it worked. And then one day I decided to have fun with it… I'd treat her ignoring me like a vacation. I'd listen to my music, watch my shows on TV, have a cigar, do whatever I wanted and she couldn't complain… because she was ignoring me.
Funny how she doesn't do that anymore.
I definitely think you should talk to him, because this could either be SA or a genuine mistake. My fiancé will sometimes grab my boob in his sleep (i know he’s asleep, we’ve been together 4 years and i know when he’s faking) One time he started feeling me up and I thought he was awake but he definitely wasn’t, because i pushed his hand away and he woke up startled. I think depending on his reaction to you bringing it up you’ll probably be able to tell if it was on purpose or not.
Show him why we do not use lotion
Although it might be an acceptable lube option for external masturbation of the shaft of a penis in some cases, lotion is not at all safe to use as lube for anal or vaginal sex, nor during external masturbation of a vulva.
Here’s why:
Lotion can contain a wide variety of ingredients that may irritate delicate vaginal and rectal skin, causing burning, stinging, itching, or rashes. Many ingredients in lotion can easily disturb the pH balance of the vagina or anus, potentially leading to bacterial or yeast infections.
Apart from the ceo point everything you said is assuming op is from America.
Her crush touching her face and the fact that she liked it.
First, I don’t care about up/down votes. I’ve had my account for 3 years, been active for 9 months and still don’t understand why people care about karma. It’s my point of view and I’ll write it out if I want to.
Evolution doesn’t have anything to do with abortions, but it does have to do with seeing his partner in a different light after finding out she was pregnant. Guys learn how to not give a shit that a woman isn’t a virgin, but they typically don’t put the effort in to think about whether she had been pregnant.
As I’ve said in other comments, this wouldn’t happen to me, but I understand that he’s having these intrusive thoughts and he’s trying to figure out how to deal with it. My comment was just trying to convey some empathy while everyone grabs their pitchforks.
Maybe he thinks YOU don't want to get married anymore because YOU haven't brought it up in 6 years.
Don't hint — have a conversation about the future, what you want, and when. He's not a mind reader, and being honest about your desire to get married is not “forcing” him to do anything.
Am I the only person who senses that his wife has gained like 15 lbs and he's having a fit about it?
Big folding belly huh?
Yeah you should tell her—and you should also ask if there are any things that you are doing or that are happening to your body that are a turn off. Bet she has a list too.
GROSS
This is one snippet of our relationship, I’m asking for help and this isn’t helpful. I obviously don’t think hurting people is a good idea as I’ve clearly stated that I feel bad about it. I treat my boyfriend so well 99% of the time, I just want to know how to make things better if I am a dick, and how to not be one.
I hope this is sarcasm.
Who’s to say if he did or still does but it’s still a dirtbag move to message you and say what he has. He could’ve just said I wanted you to know I was wrong and am sorry… instead he’s now messing with your head/heart and emotionally cheating on his current gf… I know he’s only human but if he really wanted you back ho should’ve done it the right way by being single, since you broke things off, took time to grow and fix himself… instead he’s showing the same behaviors unfortunately. Obviously you know him and only you will truly know if he did/does indeed love you…
He wants all the sugar without putting out any effort. He has already broken up with you. Get out ASAP and block his number, he is pulling some incredibly selfish bullshit even suggesting this ridiculous set up.
Can she articulate exactly why not having your last name would mean her son is “less accepted” by you? Why does she feel so strongly about this? To me it doesn't make any sense, when my mom remarried we (my older brothers and myself) had a different last name than her and her new husband (and my baby brother)… That didn't make us any less family.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” as they say…a name doesn't matter and I find it very strange she would be going against her son's actual father to do this. Seems like she's trying to erase the past and pretend like you are her son's biological father, it's weird
Nope he lives in 45 minutes for me, he keeps telling me that his shy. Keeps telling me to be patient.
I'm 31m and like older. My fiance is 41. Dude sounds weird
Have you tried waking up a little earlier and having sex in the morning before she goes to work? Have you asked her is the gym is making her too tired? If she’s just gone cold and won’t consider alternatives it’s time to have a real conversation to see what has happened.
Her refusing an abortion makes so much sense as to why he suddenly became abusive. That's a situation that OP was never in, and it doesn't sound like the ex was ready to settle down. This is why shotgun weddings because of a pregnancy are never a good idea.
Why stay with someone you can’t trust? It will never work
Are you able to access her phone bill (if you guys are on the same plan, you should). You can see who she’s been texting. Count up the messages for a given time period on the bill then the messages on her phone to that guys number.
How old is your step daughter?
To me, you did the right thing.
You took a step away and clearly explained why. It was up to her to reveal her feelings to you and it seems she only saw you as a friend. Fair enough.
You need to do what is good for YOU, and pursuing a one-sided relationship is only going to hurt your feelings.
This is the best advice, think about all the good you have to offer your kids. The pain will fade.
Oh girl.
A good dad changes diapers and feeds the baby (assuming the baby uses a bottle).
A good man (and person in general, but let's just say man because that's who we're talking about) will never have sex with someone who doesn't currently want to have sex.
A good man wants his partner to use protection that works for her, unless they both have agreed to have another child.
A good man contributes what he's able to to his family (whatever that may be) and doesn't drag everyone down.
My husband has changed more diapers than I have, by a lot. It's not even a contest. (I feed more, he diapers more, because boobs vs no boobs.) Honestly, it sounds like my dad may have changed more diapers while just babysitting grandbabies than your man has for his own child.
This woman sounds like a basket full of crazy.
You don't need to make anything up to her.
You have a life too.
She's fully grown and should have the mental faculties to work through and manage her own issues. When these “attacks” occur, she should seek medical or therapeutic help. She's manipulating and conditioning you. Classic predator behavior (I'm not accusing her, just an observation).
yeah. I held off on asking while we were talking the past 2 months because I'm scared of the answer. If I were to ask I'd want to do it in a casual passing-by kind of way. I don't know how/when/where the right forum to ask is.
Real
Everyone is ignoring what a terrible husband she has. Just tell him to get ur get back or you will ask for a divorce.
Awesome news! It's weird how his co worker played along with it instead of just telling you in the first place he didn't have the cat.
I knew one girl who would want me to do it before I left for work. I tried a couple of times but it left me totally knackered…
I feel I do the same. I don't think my fiancé has seen me cry, at most it would be once or twice.
During our 'moments'… When I see my gf being the emotional one, something triggers in me where I need to be the stronger of the two and hold it together.
I have no clue how your partner functions as a person, I can only speak for myself.
But if we had this conversation, it would go:
You never cry in front of me, especially when we have something emotional happening. This clearly doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me. You don't care as much. No, you're wrong. Its not that these situations don't mean anything to me and I don't care…. I don't cry, because I care. I care about being the stronger one in the situation so we can get through this conversation. If we're both hysterical, we're not going to get through this. So, I choose to be the shelter.
Same concept is applied in heated moments. She's the yeller when angry, I am the calm / collected one. And just because there is no emotional reaction from me, doesn't indicate a lack of care.
In fact, I would even argue that those who are capable of controlling their emotions for the sake of the conversation… is the one who cares more.
Again, that's me and I don't know if the same can be applied to your SO.
Not everyone reacts to situations the same. Just because you cry, doesn't mean there should be an expectation of him reacting the same way. Everyone functions differently.
I don't think there is anything blatantly wrong in regards to your post. If you're going to evaluate your SO's level of emotion for you, I think you should be basing it in how he treats you day to day, instead of focusing on the rarer extreme moments.
And truth be told (this may come off has controversial)… In my experience (other men will probably agree), women say they want their men to be fragile, emotional, vulnerable. That is what they say, but not what they need. They want to feel their partners emotions, and you can demonstrate that by giving a powerful love daily. But when times are tough, they need someone who can spear head the situation and get both of you out of it.
I love him. Even with this pain I know I do. I just think he’s gone.
I wasn’t trying to drama spiral, I just thought it would be easier for people to advise with all of the details.
Thank you for your advice.
DUDE! You got called out for your OWN live! and RL behavior a few posts up…and you have NOTHING to say about your OWN hypocrisy??
Funny that…
BTW – Barftastic post history.