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alaina-saint chat
Date: October 15, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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I agree with other commenters that OP needs to get help for the fact that she has a difficult time voicing her discomfort and saying no. I absolutely encourage OP to do therapy and work on that issue. But I also cannot imagine ever consoling my partner after they’ve been crying and then twenty minutes later asking them for sex. If I did think that maybe sex would make them feel better (some people are like that), I would definitely not ask them by rubbing up on them. That seems incredibly callous and/or completely lacking empathy. The boyfriend’s response to this situation just doesn’t sit right with me, and I think that a serious conversation about what needs you have in the relationship when it comes to being comforted has to be had asap
This is pure fiction.
Im not going to get too into your post hostory like others have. I think theyve summed up why your relationship has red flags etc. But i can also see you dont want to leave. So ill give this advice –
You said before how he wrote stories about saving women. He just got his ass handed to him (in his mind at least) while he was trying to be the prince charming he writes about. He expected to have this defining protective moment because he has this warped view that this is what masculinity is and he shouldnhave been able to save you like in his writings and i guess in movies.
But life isnt a movie. He tried to stick up for you and it meant he got hurt. Maybe the other guy did too. But that's just real life for you and at some point he will need to grow up a bit and learn to not take life so seriously. That said if he hasn't done that by now thne who knows of he ever will.
One thing my ex said to me when i told him i didnt see hos he could find me attractive (during an insecure moment during a fight) that kind of reality checked me, he was quite cross and he said
“you dont get to tell me im lying. You dont get to tell me what i do and do not find attractive. You do not get to tell me what turns me on. That is mine. You get no say in that.”
It shut me up for a moment and i realised that me being insecure and daft was making decisions for him and msking him out to be a liar when he wasnt.
Now again. Youve seen enough from people here and i havent investigsted your history enough to pass judgement. But next time he tells you how youre feeling abojt him or that 'youre just saying that' crap. Remind him he doesnt get to call you a liar and he doesnt get any say whatsoever on what you find attractive.
Good luck.
I would put this relationship behind me. You are wasting your time.
From reading your other replies, you are far from being overweight etc. We are if not he same weight and I know I look and feel good. I'm sure you are beautiful as you are and I feel so sad knowing he belittles you on this…
Saying Thanks in advance on this sub usually means the OP is saying. “Give me advice, but I won't be engaging on a discussion forum “.
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In this US you can give power of attorney to your real estate lawyer to appear and sign everything for you. That's what I did during COVId.
Not sure if that is an option in other countries though.
Oh, right. Sorry. The point is always to coddle male fragility and to assume everyone is a mindless fuck machine. Get some help, bro.
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You've been ghosted, sorry. Call him a bunch of names and move on.
as I’m trying to rebuild my relationship with my daughter.
Rebuild from what?
Why do you say that?
We have talked about all this as long as I can remember. I addressed this in detail when it came up during the 3rd or 4th year of our relationship.
It is always the same circular argument from her;
“I hate to do things alone, I don't enjoy being alone. I don't enjoy traveling alone. I don't like doing anything alone.”
Me; “ok that means you should make friends. So go take some classes, talk to people, be more active, go to the gym, go for Meetups, Facebook events. Sign up for Tinder/Bumble, meet people”
Her: “you cannot make friends as adults. It doesn't work, and people are boring and lame. I can't stand them and nobody likes me”
….
If ending this relationship ruins her then she’s not capable of a healthy human relationship. A partnership enhance your life not sustain it
Who had to pick up the slack when you broke down last time? Was it your bf? And now he is going to have to do it again?
It’s your choice, but he’s not going to watch you destroy yourself any longer. Either respect yourself or he is out.
Exactly
That’s fair enough. I’ll ttake a step back.
I would explain to Molly what you found out about the book and discuss how it made you feel. Then from there ask her advice on what she thinks an appropriate response would be.
This is something I would think is particularly important if you are thinking about kids / marriage. What role will her family play in your life knowing they are not respectful of your religion?
Also, think about what you need too. Do you need Molly to talk to her family? Or have a boundaries put in place?
I suspect her regret is genuine. However, she has no incentive to be honest with you about why she wanted to breakup in the first place if she wants to get back with you now.
“I suppose I know her well enough to know that she regrets it and it wasn't intentional. “
These thoughts are the EXACT SAME type of thoughts that people have before they get proof that their spouse was cheating. The EXACT SAME. If you didn't want to break up in the first place, I'm afraid you'd believe anything thing she has to say right now. The truth doesn't have to matter if you're willing to believe that she was “caught” and in a vulnerable state. It's rare that the person who does the breaking up is vulnerable and is only capable of being “caught” if that's what she was planning.
It sounds like the only emotionally vulnerable person here is you and your ex is taking advantage of that fact. She probably suspected that you'd take her back after sleeping with her friend, in case it didn't work out…
I agreed until the last part. Hot disagree.
It's ok for you to know you're ready to move forward building a future with someone and he will not be ready anytime soon.
It's ok to break up because you're at different stages of life.
I think you should talk to SIL. You can't trust your husband but she's done nothing wrong to you. She may be innocent in all this. Either way I'd seriously consider leaving your husband. Trauma or not, he is clearly fucked in the head if he thinks any of this is appropriate.
After you send him one last message to never contact you again, that you’re broken up. Block him. Then call for a welfare check on him on the non emergency line as he’s expressed the intention to harm himself.
If he continues to contact you and present dangerous behavior, see if you can get a restraining order.
The answer is just you leave and don’t respond.
He threatens harm on himself? Welfare check. He tries to come see you in person? Call the police for trespassing and file a report on him for stalking if it persists, get a restraining order.
Stone wall him
You do not have to stay in any relationship you don’t want to. Ever. You can leave even without any reason. You are never obligated to stay in a relationship you do not want, ever.
Create a chore list for both of you.
Sounds like rape to me. You cannot accidentally do that. I’d get away from this guy
I would probably ask her to not discuss finances with others. You've both contributed to what you have right now, as a couple. It isn't important who contributed 10% here or 60% there. What matters is that this is what you have together.
Yeah, have an adult conversation about how while you want to be supportive and understand that she's going through a lot that it is putting a major strain on you. It's understandable she wants to be heard and kudos on you for trying your best to listen and be supportive, but if this relationship is to be a working healthy one then this needs to be addressed.
Being brutally honest though I would leave, everyone has issues and it isn't fair to burden your partner with a barrage of negativity then censure them for not being supportive enough. And if you made perfectly reasonable rules that were mutually agreed upon and she isn't following them that's a lack of respect. Wanting to occasionally vent is fine, but when it becomes so commonplace that your partner feels it necessary to establish rules about them that should be a sign to take a step back and examine the effect you're having.
Why?
Because!
You as a vile cheater don't understand.
Hey, OP, don't discuss logic with someone from lunatic city.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, I would not be okay with any of this and would do some digging for myself. Clearly she’s hiding something and only admitted to this because you confronted her, she’s 100% not going to be forthcoming or honest with you. So many red flags!
Listen, if I ran into my partner’s ex friend that had caused all of that chaos, you best believe I’m calling/texting my partner soon thereafter to spill the tea. The fact that she omitted telling you about their “first” interaction says a lot! If they did in fact meet at the wedding, something inappropriate must have gone down.. because why lie by omission?
It all comes back to the same question… why lie? There’s no justifiable answer in this situation IMO
He’s not a vampire. He’s just an insomniac with a bad garlic allergy
I think you need to be careful planning your life with him. He may not love you as much or as passionate as he loved her. He may still have feelings for her. So you may always be in a shadow of her. Eventually this will start to affect your love for him as well.
Why are you seeing her posts? Block her and if other people are sending you screenshots or telling you what she says, tell them you don't want to know. Yes its a horrible feeling when someone is badmouthing you publicly, but everyone who matters is going to recognise that she is in the wrong here for not letting it go and bullying you on SM.
Why are you seeing her posts? Block her and if other people are sending you screenshots or telling you what she says, tell them you don't want to know. Yes its a horrible feeling when someone is badmouthing you publicly, but everyone who matters is going to recognise that she is in the wrong here for not letting it go and bullying you on SM.
So everyone will jump on the “you need couples counseling” bandwagon. But since there is a detail missing, I'm gonna ask… how long have you been together? It sounds like a new relationship, so then I want to ask, why are you staying with someone who won't be 100% open and communicate? Is he hot? Have money? Why is it that keeps you coming back? Because clearly the things he says isn't the reason why…
You don’t need to tell him. He can have his weaponized boundaries. You can opt out.