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alexis and karl, y.o.
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Date: September 28, 2022
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If it feels like abuse to you, then it could be. A gentle slap in addition to harsh words like that could be construed as a veiled threat – that he will do worse if you continue to “disrespect” him.
Thats conjecture on my part, but the point is that you're right to take it seriously. It sounds like you both need to work on your communication in any case, given that you had a heated argument that led to this scenario.
Youre doing fine. He's trying to gaslight you into thinking you're the one who is wrong. Move on and enjoy life.
The classic “it's a joke.” Only used by shameless liars with no reasonable explanation.
This is important OP, when was the last time he slowly danced with you, or anything romantic actually.
She needs to understand that this situation is not working for you, and if she cares about being married to you then she needs to put you first. I wouldn’t focus on whether this is cheating — I mean, it IS cheating, but I don’t think that’s productive because it just seems to make her defensive.
I would focus on the fact that you don’t like where your relationship is right now, that she’s putting more energy into her friendship than your marriage, and if she doesn’t take steps to fix this right away then you’re going to take that as a statement from her that the marriage is over.
Couples counseling would be helpful to navigate what it will take to fix your marriage.
If she pushes back, tell her that her actions are hurting you. They are causing you pain. Whether she thinks it’s justified or not, it’s the truth. And if she keeps on doing that and not caring, when you’ve put it so plainly, then she is giving up on your marriage and you don’t need to stick around anymore for that.
She wasn’t a nice person, I think I just miss the time and the person who I thought she was. Realistically the person who I loved so much never really existed, I made her up in my head. The fact she got with me soon after her divorce then remarried soon after breaking up with me has never sat right with me. She was said the nicest things to me at times saying I was the best thing that’s ever happened to her or that I’m too good to her and she doesn’t deserve me and I actually fell for it and believed that this girl really loved me back
It only gets worse from here… run
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I'm a woman who also has sexual trauma, and had difficultly opening up sexually / feeling safe and comfortable with my husband when we first started being intimate.
In your last paragraph, yes. You should do all of those things. Have a sit down conversation with her. Tell her you've been really thinking about things, and how you've made her feel, the mistakes you made, and how you want her to feel as comfortable as possible with you. Tell her that you're really working on being the best partner to her that you can be, and show her with your actions. Encourage her to always tell you if you do something she doesn't like, or if she doesn't want to do something, and that you won't get upset. And yes, I would let her initiate more often.
What helped me was, my husband never pushed. When I said no, he respected it 100%. When I said, I only want to go this far, that's as far as it went. And in everything we did, he was gentle, loving, and made me feel safe, beyond just telling me.
It sounds like you're handling this in the best way that you can.
The attempt at a new ship design with O'Neill and Teal'c? Stargate in general seemed to use time dilation a fair few times, I think moreso with the Replicators.
Regardless of his career, he should understand that all people have different levels of intelligences d that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. “You can’t judge a fish based on its tree climbing abilities”.
It should be a basic understanding that everyone is different, regardless of their gender identity.
You have to decide if his myogencistic views are a deal breaker.
For context and example: my husband is great in his career working in an industry that sells and invoices for construction materials (procurement). It’s something I’ve done in a very similar aspect (I worked in accounting for state funded construction projects). I’d say I didn’t like it, and had a learning curve because of it. My career is grant administration. I could talk to you all day about accounting procedures, what is defined as an indirect cost, how to account on cash basis vs accrual basis, etc. Could I tell you what pipe fitting is best depending on county regulations? No, but he could.
He tells me all the time I’m probably the smartest person he’s met despite knowing I couldn’t grasp the field he is in.
Your partner saying that you aren’t as smart because of your gender is invalid and irrational, and also stems from a sexist point of view. If you’re cool with that uphill battle and always knowing you’ve viewed as “less than” by you partner.. that’s on you.
She does not respect you She is being hypocritical Does she have her own career? Six years and not a spouse means you are wasting your time.
Frankly if there is any pain, let him know he did it, it is the stitch, and go to a female doctor, and tell him no sex until it is resolved.
Unfortunately I did lmao
I'd say to talk casually IF he's been through serious therapy. Without therapy I wouldn't even consider the option. I'd also give him a timeline. It would take a year of seeing him being a good man you can trust and him doing therapy. Then another 6 months of family therapy before you considered it. It's ok to want something but you have to keep you and your sob safe from the heartache of that ever happening again first.
Cheaters can change with therapy and figuring out what causes the faltering and why they didn't just use open communication. Without therapy it's incredibly uncommon to see real lasting change.
I definitely see your point. We talked it out and I told him I was feeling insecure but he reassured me that he doesn't see her like that at all, and that he'd let me know if he was hanging out with her next time. I apologized for being a little jealous too.
I definitely see your point. We talked it out and I told him I was feeling insecure but he reassured me that he doesn't see her like that at all, and that he'd let me know if he was hanging out with her next time. I apologized for being a little jealous too.
i would've expected more from him though.
Does he vibrate? No? Then it's not replacing him. He sounds really insecure. Does he realize that an external vibe can be used on him too? They're very versatile toys. Maybe the realization that it's different for him too will help ease him into realizing that it's not a replacement. It's literally a toy that either of you can play with.
It may also be a good time to remind him that you're dating him for him. Not for his dick. So even if it WAS a replacement for that, it wouldn't matter.
Let him know it's his friend. There are men out there that think sex toys are the enemy. Like, seriously, I rather have sex if I was given a choice.
Trust your gut. Someone who regularly defaults on bills is NOT someone you want to move in with, you will end up either funding their lifestyle – bleeding to prop up their financial situation – or having your own credit impacted.
Don't put yourself on paper with someone you KNOW to be irresponsible with money, it's a stack of problems waiting to happen. That frustration will leach into the rest of the relationship.
I get where you’re coming from, but the reality is women get hit on everywhere—grocery store, gym, work, etc. Also, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to be assaulted by someone you know in your own home than you are by a stranger at a nightclub. So I understand why you’re concerned, but I don’t think she’s extremely unsafe at a club with her friends.
She’s still married, come on man ur almost 40 you should know this by now. Get a grip. Even if she’s unhappy she is still choosing her husband…. Again get a grip, you’re not a teenager, don’t be dumb and allow your crush to get the best of you. Let these feelings be and until she decides to get a divorce (which in itself is takes a huge toll on someone mentally; remember whether she is happy or unhappy with him, she fell in love with him, she said yes to him and married him) you have no business putting ur nose where it doesn’t belong.
I mean I hope there are. My friends certainly seem to be monogamous, but maybe they are all having orgies and not telling me about it.
Honestly I am just so heartbroken because I feel old. I feel like I want to be at the point of my life where I find someone to spent the rest of it with. Someone I can keep building something with. And it hurts to think that that someone might not be her.
Let him see everything about ownership.
he's lived with her dog already *for 8 years*, what part of dog ownership do you think hes missing?
Whoa Nellie!
Say nothing and keep things the same. Until he comes to you and admits it’s about you then there isnt anything to do or say anyways. If you admit you read it then you were snooping. If you don’t admit it yes it could have been about you but you may find it’s not.
Thank you. You gave some of the best advice on here. I appreciate your input ?
I see what everyone is saying about Mark being controlling, but I also see where he’s coming from.
I think his thinking is, “if you’re ok with it being done to someone else, you’re ok with doing it yourself,”? Something like this?
He’s correct in a sense. The OP shouldn’t be supporting Sami to stay. It’s getting way out of hand.
I think I get Mark, even if he’s handling it poorly. He doesn’t want Sami’s shit show usdrama anywhere near his marriage any longer. I get it.
There's a lot to unpack here
Firstly, any opinions on NSFW aside, if you set the boundary and he agreed to it, then it's something he should be following. Doing so without discussing it first is a problem.
On the other hand, don't say “Understandable I guess” when it comes to snooping. I don't mean this to be harsh, but downplaying your actions of going through his phone is just self-justification for snooping. Don't get yourself started on this mindset, because you'll give yourself leeway to do sneakier and sneakier things in your relationship.
Two wrongs do not make a right. He shouldn't be following NSFW content if he knows you dislike it and agreed to that with you, but snooping through his phone unprompted like this is not going to make things better. You need to sit down with him and admit what you did, and not be on the offensive. Apologize to him, and just calmly ask him why he is following the NSFW content. Do not give ultimatums, do not make harsh demands, just be very calm and honest. “I saw the NSFW, and I just want to know. I am not attacking, I genuinely want to understand: why do you follow it? Please, help me understand it from your point of view.”
Lowest of keys, I believe the bf got her drunk/coerced her into cheating. Doesn't absolve it and def don't take her back. But damn, that quick jump to trying to comfort and be near you is sickening almost.
Had something similar-y. When I broke up with my ex, he had told me he was thinking of doing all the things that I’d been asking him to do more or at all- going down on me, visiting my family and coming to family events with me. This was after 6.5 years of dating. He’d gone down on me 2x, and a small handful of visits to my parents and only once to thanksgiving. I didn’t want him to do these either cuz I was leaving him, or that I’d been away for a month, (cuz of the pandemic) I wanted him to do these things without me asking for the most part. Saying you’d do x thing because they’re breaking up with you is…. Eh
What’s an on-line brother?
You might have a sinus infection.
I would tell him it’s his wedding, he wants his kids there so figure it out. It’s not your place to find childcare for the children. Figure it out dude or no children at wedding. He is a total AH
Girl. No.
“If you'd like the kids to be at your wedding, you will need to arrange care for them. I will not be providing payment, nor will it be me attending your wedding with them.”
And then stop engaging any other communication other than that necessary for the kids necessities or scheduling pickup/dropoff for the kids.
Stomach bug is always my go to LOL.
You’re not married. It’s her decision. Sorry.
If she’s having feelings for other people, I’d be careful about putting yourself in the middle of that you will get hurt and she’s not committed to you. I’m breaking up for a while. It’s not a bad idea and just going about your life and if it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out anyway. Your both pretty young. She’s really demonstrating that with getting feelings all over the place.
Sorry for being 5 days late, may i ask if you take meds? I have a much harder time with humor on my adderall than on off days. I can laugh really naked at shows but not as much engaging with people, especially one on one. Even my wife.
I wouldn’t talk to him. I’d start making arrangements to get the hell out of there and then run. This is really scary.
Find a new GF.
This is another layer I've been thinking about for sure. Thanks for the stats
Yeah it's over….I'm kinda scared to break up with him but I gotta do it
Thank you! I agree with you
He's mad that you got raped before he met you? Why? Did he want to be the first? Definitely don't marry him. Get as far away as you can.
I’m not sure that’s a real diagnosis if she gave it to him. Sorry, but it doesn’t sound like she’s a real therapist so she really can’t actually diagnose shit
Why are you dating someone who acts like this? Surely you know you're too old for this shit?
Why are you dating someone who acts like this? Surely you know you're too old for this shit?
Why are you dating someone who acts like this? Surely you know you're too old for this shit?
My kids are 5 and 7, so still young in all of this. I feel like he manipulates me as well but in a way it feels like he is helping me, so for example buying a house together.
You should have left him all those years ago. Walk away and don't look back.
It's not abnormal that he feels that way, but it's definitely unfair on you. You wouldn't be the person you are today, that he presumably likes or loves, without experiencing the life that you did before you met him. I wonder if he has ever deeply interrogated those feelings and worked out exactly why he feels the way he does? He may not have the emotional insight to work it out but it would probably be worth his trying. Sorry you were made to feel like having lived a life is a bad thing though, it absolutely isn't!
I had a friend who is like your girlfriend. Her husband left her. Couples counseling. If she refuses, go without her.
Exactly. Why is she telling you this now? Something has happened with your wife to make her want to tell you.
Also, how fucking stupid are you to think they only touched each others legs? They are adults, not elementary kids. If you do believe it, then I have some land to sell you at low tide. Lol.
You communicated to him as you say straight up and he didn't reciprocate. Unless he is really shy I would say be isn't interested. Stop hoping for him to ask you out, move on to someone else.