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Open ass [Multi Goal]
Date: October 24, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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This seems like a train wreck dude….get out immediately
I’ve dealt with the same exact thing in my previous relationship and something similar in my current relationship. I’d say the most significant thing is that your partner needs to learn how to process their emotions and how to communicate and direct their frustrations especially. And they need to be accountable and understand how their behavior has made things more difficult. Therapy is likely needed.
On the flipside, in your example, previously I would have thought and said the same exact thing. And while I understand it makes total sense in our head and a perfectly logical reason to not be too frustrated, I’ve since learned that to our partner this basically invalidates them and says they are crazy/wrong for feeling that emotion which in turn only makes them more frustrated and makes them feel like you’re “never on their side”. A better response from you would’ve been “Yeah that can be frustrating, but we have the next exit, so we should be okay in a little bit”. It shows you understand their frustration and validates their feelings while also encouraging them to let it go.
Also, is a simple “thank you” too much to say for even when they do a small favor? Unless your partner is actually expecting a grand gesture, I do think that saying a quick thank you at any small thing goes a long way. Ask them for clarification. And I have to go back to my original point, the big thing is accountability here.
Give him space. If he is not sure then you would not want to be in a relationship with someone who is confused.
PLUS You both are so young. Go hang out with friends… You will be ok I promise.
Best wishes!
Ah, thank you! ?
There's someone for everyone. Particularly if being introverted is your only real barrier to dating – that probably applies to millions of people. You don't need to desire children or a family to find someone who you enjoy spending time with.
Anything you're doing already can be enhanced by finding someone to do it with. New people can broaden your horizons and make you see the good in things you might never have been interested in trying. If you're happy alone – then you won't really have any idea about what you're missing out on until you experience someone else making your heart skip for the first time. It's only then that you'll realise that you could have had that the whole time – and you'll discover what you're really missing out on.
Putting yourself out there is the hard part. Once you go on a few dates, it gets much easier.
You are totally justified in all those feelings and I agree with you. Like I said, he is purposefully keeping you “the gf” instead of letting them know you personally. This will likely continue forever if he simply doesn't like mixing friends. It is normal to introduce our partner to friends, like you do with him to your friends, but just because it's normal doesn't mean he needs to do it. He wants to preserve his guy time with his lifelong buddies. You know that it wouldn't be fun since you don't drink, but HE doesn't drink either so why is he going? He doesn't want to ruin the friendships so he tags along doing what they want to do, and leaving you out because it might ruin things.
Everybody has certain boundaries that they keep about mixing friends. I am quite introverted and don't like mixing friends either, yet I have always wanted to have my gf meet and hangout with my close friends. It does depend on what the activities are tho. Going out to eat is typically for everybody. Going out for something more specific isn't for everybody, such as DnD or watching sports or playing sports or going to bars or playing video games or going to a movie or gambling. Some people just aren't compatible with each other, for instance I have Christian friends and anti-Christian friends. Idk, tough to say if he will ever change about this. Overall I agree with you that it feels unfair that you are kept so private from his friends. I wouldn't want to feel that way, or to make my partner feel that way. Now it does depend on your own insecurities and love languages. Some people might be comfortable casually dating without ever meeting their partners friends, you clearly aren't. These are the types of things that make people incompatible and can lead to a breakup.
Advice? Work on your insecurities. Expecting to be someone’s “first choice” is also just incredibly unrealistic and stupid.