So the business part of the trip got cancelled so instead your boyfriend went to romantic resort with his boss? And didn't bother telling you about this until he was already in Hawaii? And only after you asked certain pointed questions?
1.) What do you like about her? It’s hard to gauge if there’s anything redeemable here because you don’t say anything positive about her – you didn’t say anything you like about her so I find it even harder to believe that you love her. You didn’t even marry her for love, you married her due to circumstances. If you don’t like her as a person or love her in some capacity, I’m not sure what you’d be holding on to.
2.) If you are from different countries, is there maybe a cultural gender role consideration you’re missing here? There are lots of cultures that are still quite traditional. Could it just be you’re one tough conversation away from pushing through this? “Hey, let’s have a serious conversation about how we’re going to build this life together, okay?” You guys could literally make lists of what you expect of the husband and wife in a marriage and you might get some insight.
And I’ll just say, as a very shy writer, I don’t like anyone reading my work even in my vicinity. Plus she’s not hiding her activity, you know she’s writing – she’s keeping the contents of that writing to herself. Have you ever asked her just what she writes about? Taking an interest in someone else’s hobby doesn’t mean you get to read every word or participate- you simply know it exists and ask her how it’s going.
Don’t beg her to contribute to the household and then get mad that she’s being frugal. She can’t win there. In fact, this is where you really contradict yourself to me. She’s doing what she can in the way that works for her. While it might not be much to you, and yes, you’d prefer her to work, it’s not the reality of the situation. She could work, but right now she’s now, so today what she’s doing to address the problem is ensuring you save as much money as possible.
But if you don’t in some way love this woman, I’m not sure what you’re holding onto. And if you’re feeling suicidal, you should see a doctor/therapist. Your mental health should be a priority and a therapist can also help you find the right next step.
Yeah lots of fishy things in this post. I don’t believe it’s real but if it is, bro really fucked up. I mean he was SA and should act accordingly but every decision after that was…illogical.
I can agree on that though OP didn't elaborate much on how the conversation went when she brought it up. He may have apologized. Maybe not. We don't really know but I agree he needs to understand that she's sensitive about her parts, as many women tend to be, and he can accommodate for that in the future as he writes his terrible jokes.
Sometimes you have to close your own book. You are probably never going to get anything satisfactory from him. He is broken, you thought he was getting better, he wasn't, and he used you to feel less broken until he realized it wasn't working. That's all. I'm sorry it happened, and it really sucks. Therapy might help, but in the long run, you have to decide to move on yourself, and stop looking for closure.
You’re judging her and everyone else who gets married quite aggressively right now.
I think you need to acknowledge that your feelings and opinion are the abnormal one in this relationship. Most people who are getting married are excited to have the wedding and celebrate their love.
What do you have against weddings? Your vitriol towards them is concerning and I think you need to really dissect why this is the hill you’re choosing to die on
Just playing devils advocate here and discussing some different points..
You said you hadn’t seen each other for a few days, so maybe she was trying to get you looking forward to seeing her. And sometimes ppl want to do or say certain things, yes, even to/with their SO, but it takes them a while to get some courage to act. Like, it can take some couples years to actually voice their wants or needs. Sadly many never do.
but, on the other hand..
The text saying ‘stop walking around so hard all the time’ sure as hell seems like she’s texting someone she just saw or is in the same vicinity with them. Where was she when you were having this convo?
Idk, you said you talked to her, so unless you go snooping(I’m fully against that btw), you’re basically going to have to figure out if you honestly believe her. You’re going to have to decide if you’re actually able to accept what she says and if you can’t, save both yourselves the time and trouble and end it. You’ll drive yourself up the wall if you don’t think she’s being honest, second guessing everything in the past and in the future of your relationship. How can you be with someone if you don’t 100% trust them? So even if she’s not doing anything, your suspicion will ultimately have a negative effect and you will be questioning everything in your head. Not a way to online my dude. Sorry, I know it’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t here..
Been married 23 years and we’ve always done our own laundry. We share doing the common things like bedding and towels. But we never have arguments about not having clean clothes.
I think you should have talked to him first about changing the way you are doing it after so many years though. You did kinda blindside him with that.
You shouldn’t have to spend your relationship staring at a tv screen. Most of the time you are just passively consuming content and you are not even looking at each other. Balance is important!
She is going to give me another opportunity, I know she is. However, it’s going to be a long road. She held my hand yesterday and was talking about all the things we need to do to the house. Her best friend, and also my best friend, talked to her yesterday and said, listen, you really need to give him another chance to make things right. She looked at her and said, yeah, you’re right. She just said I’m exhausted. My friend looked at her and said I have been to that point with Zach, (my best friend) and said I fell in love with him again though.
So the business part of the trip got cancelled so instead your boyfriend went to romantic resort with his boss? And didn't bother telling you about this until he was already in Hawaii? And only after you asked certain pointed questions?
This is not a good situation. Is she attractive?
Why didn't she take her actual boyfriend?
I feel like it’s important to ask two questions:
1.) What do you like about her? It’s hard to gauge if there’s anything redeemable here because you don’t say anything positive about her – you didn’t say anything you like about her so I find it even harder to believe that you love her. You didn’t even marry her for love, you married her due to circumstances. If you don’t like her as a person or love her in some capacity, I’m not sure what you’d be holding on to.
2.) If you are from different countries, is there maybe a cultural gender role consideration you’re missing here? There are lots of cultures that are still quite traditional. Could it just be you’re one tough conversation away from pushing through this? “Hey, let’s have a serious conversation about how we’re going to build this life together, okay?” You guys could literally make lists of what you expect of the husband and wife in a marriage and you might get some insight.
And I’ll just say, as a very shy writer, I don’t like anyone reading my work even in my vicinity. Plus she’s not hiding her activity, you know she’s writing – she’s keeping the contents of that writing to herself. Have you ever asked her just what she writes about? Taking an interest in someone else’s hobby doesn’t mean you get to read every word or participate- you simply know it exists and ask her how it’s going.
Don’t beg her to contribute to the household and then get mad that she’s being frugal. She can’t win there. In fact, this is where you really contradict yourself to me. She’s doing what she can in the way that works for her. While it might not be much to you, and yes, you’d prefer her to work, it’s not the reality of the situation. She could work, but right now she’s now, so today what she’s doing to address the problem is ensuring you save as much money as possible.
But if you don’t in some way love this woman, I’m not sure what you’re holding onto. And if you’re feeling suicidal, you should see a doctor/therapist. Your mental health should be a priority and a therapist can also help you find the right next step.
Yeah lots of fishy things in this post. I don’t believe it’s real but if it is, bro really fucked up. I mean he was SA and should act accordingly but every decision after that was…illogical.
I can agree on that though OP didn't elaborate much on how the conversation went when she brought it up. He may have apologized. Maybe not. We don't really know but I agree he needs to understand that she's sensitive about her parts, as many women tend to be, and he can accommodate for that in the future as he writes his terrible jokes.
Judge Judy that bitch!
He is a nutjob. Run.
Sometimes you have to close your own book. You are probably never going to get anything satisfactory from him. He is broken, you thought he was getting better, he wasn't, and he used you to feel less broken until he realized it wasn't working. That's all. I'm sorry it happened, and it really sucks. Therapy might help, but in the long run, you have to decide to move on yourself, and stop looking for closure.
GOOD FOR HIM!!!
It should be law, that paternity tests be done BEFORE the man puts his name on the birth certificate.
I've personally seen it happen a few times. It's absolutely disgusting and destroys entire families.
10 years ago at your age i was in the same situation, as with most of my friends.
Noone kept dating their teen lovers ofc
Now the one thing you need to do, is to be careful and not shrug any sign of abuse, it can be your entire life depending on it
You’re judging her and everyone else who gets married quite aggressively right now.
I think you need to acknowledge that your feelings and opinion are the abnormal one in this relationship. Most people who are getting married are excited to have the wedding and celebrate their love.
What do you have against weddings? Your vitriol towards them is concerning and I think you need to really dissect why this is the hill you’re choosing to die on
Just playing devils advocate here and discussing some different points..
You said you hadn’t seen each other for a few days, so maybe she was trying to get you looking forward to seeing her. And sometimes ppl want to do or say certain things, yes, even to/with their SO, but it takes them a while to get some courage to act. Like, it can take some couples years to actually voice their wants or needs. Sadly many never do.
but, on the other hand..
The text saying ‘stop walking around so hard all the time’ sure as hell seems like she’s texting someone she just saw or is in the same vicinity with them. Where was she when you were having this convo?
Idk, you said you talked to her, so unless you go snooping(I’m fully against that btw), you’re basically going to have to figure out if you honestly believe her. You’re going to have to decide if you’re actually able to accept what she says and if you can’t, save both yourselves the time and trouble and end it. You’ll drive yourself up the wall if you don’t think she’s being honest, second guessing everything in the past and in the future of your relationship. How can you be with someone if you don’t 100% trust them? So even if she’s not doing anything, your suspicion will ultimately have a negative effect and you will be questioning everything in your head. Not a way to online my dude. Sorry, I know it’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t here..
Bruh don‘t you trust your boyfriend at all?
???? in an alternate reality I feel like there’s still hope somehow…
Been married 23 years and we’ve always done our own laundry. We share doing the common things like bedding and towels. But we never have arguments about not having clean clothes.
I think you should have talked to him first about changing the way you are doing it after so many years though. You did kinda blindside him with that.
He wouldn't have ever told you had you not seen that text.
You shouldn’t have to spend your relationship staring at a tv screen. Most of the time you are just passively consuming content and you are not even looking at each other. Balance is important!
You're right that searching for validation through sex isn't the healthiest way to do so. Work on yourself ❤️
But also communicate with your partner!
She is going to give me another opportunity, I know she is. However, it’s going to be a long road. She held my hand yesterday and was talking about all the things we need to do to the house. Her best friend, and also my best friend, talked to her yesterday and said, listen, you really need to give him another chance to make things right. She looked at her and said, yeah, you’re right. She just said I’m exhausted. My friend looked at her and said I have been to that point with Zach, (my best friend) and said I fell in love with him again though.
Yes, I can see that now after her most explicit comparison. But I won’t immediately assume the worst of everyone.
Happy cake day to us!!