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Date: November 4, 2022
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He’s gaslighting you. Why is she a secret? If he’s keeping all information about Jackie a secret why does he think you can trust him?
Talk about it with him. Let him know how you're feeling. Keeping it to yourself will only make you feel worse, I promise. Been there, done that, and it only gets better with open communication. If it doesn't get better, he isn't the one.
Right but do you think that’s a fair way to treat someone? Like telling them how much you love them and how happy they make you but at the same time not really fully committing “just in case” to make things easier for her if things go south? Idk I just feel like I’m being used
Posting this under top comment. If you want to find the actual common sense answers/comments instead of pieces of trash making excuses, scroll all the way to the bottom.
Breast to own up and get it over with
If you don’t trust your partner enough to lend them money after they lost their job why are you even dating
Were you a smoker, and are trying to quit?
If yes, then did nothing wrong, and he was just looking for something to be angry about.
If no, then he might have a point, his reaction is a bit over the top, but you have hid a new addiction from him.
My husband and I slept in separate beds for about a year for sleep quality reasons (bad mattress, bad timing). We made sure we spent extra time doing date-type activities, planned quality physical contact time, and regularly discussed our plans for getting back into the same bed when we could.
My advice would be to be deliberate about what you want the end result to be, and take extra care to get quality time and physical contact. Schedule a mom/dad/baby movie night where you all cuddle on the couch together and watch a movie for extra physical closeness. Start a ritual where you tuck mom and baby into their beds and cuddle with your wife in the bed for a few minutes before you go get your me time, you can simulate the going to bed together to get the feeling of closeness. Make sure you're taking on baby-related responsibilities and being a good partner so that when it's time to move baby to a separate room, your wife actually WANTS you back in the bed. And have regular conversations about how the baby is doing and what it will look like to get back in the same bed.
Tl, dr: find ways to keep physical contact, be a supportive partner, check in and talk regularly about end goals and how you're going to get there.
There is a significant lack of communication here. If she cannot express why she left in the first place and then returned, you will always wonder if it will happen again. You could work on yourself and the relationship if you knew what was missing or what she thought you were doing wrong. There is also a breach of trust. You don't trust that she is telling the truth about your time apart.
Maybe if she is willing to go to couples therapy and be honest with you, rebuild your trust and plan a future in which you are both together, you two may have a chance.
But this is definitely too big to sweep under the rug.
Congratulations, this is the stupidest thing anyone has ever started a conflict over-ever. Unless this is going to be your hill to die on just let it go dude Jesus Christ.
Well, he was locked up for something he didn't do and in the brutal prison system indefinitely because of it. Your mind needs to protect you from whatever hopeless circumstances you find yourself in. The promise of a future with a woman he loved kept him going. It's no one's fault it ended up this way, but it's pretty understandable to latch on to something that makes your future not feel so hopeless.
You're NOT overreacting, that was a scumbag move on his part.
Everyone’s downvoting us because the first response twisted their logic. The first response asked her husband if he could piss with a boner. Because she’s said it’s possible, everyone’s logic has been swayed into comparing sex with a boner. She should have asked “can you piss during sex without thinking about pissing?” Because THAT is impossible.
Yeah but in order for that to come in handy idiots like him would have to read and he’d probably take it as a suggestion and not a fact!
If it's so natural and 'since the dawn of time' why does he have to force you to do it? Do you really want to on-line in somebody's shadow all your life? There are plenty of men who don't feel threatened by that shit and will see you as their equal.
Aww poor men can’t stop being horrible misogynists. Sad. Guess OP needs to either break up with her or stop caring about controlling his GF and other men’s thoughts. It’s about his ego.
And don’t pull the predator bullshit because women have gotten SA’d in every type of outfit imaginable. Nipples won’t change that.
Your sister and her baby are the main characters in their life. Your family has many people they have to take care of and cannot make your sister and her baby the center of their universe even if they wanted to.
Your parents could say that your sister should be helping out with the grandparents. Anyone can have expectations it doesn't mean we have to meet them. There are many single moms struggling without help, she is not alone in that. It sucks to not have people to help you. Unfortunately, you can't force people to do what you want. They will help you when and how they want, expecting more will leave her disappointed and feeling resentful.
Some of your comments make your sister sound self-centered. Her not liking that people ask more about the baby than her. The baby is constantly growing, changing, reaching new milestones. Your sister is not going through the same type of changes and growth. People won't be as interested in her weekly progress, or whether she is sleeping through the night.
Hopefully your sister learns that everyone's life doesn't revolve around her, and that is ok. As adults we are ultimately responsible for ourselves and should be grateful for any help, and attention we receive. We are owed nothing.
Yup
If I had the $ to hand out reddit gold, I'd give you one.
I think the word “trust” is confusing most people here, but if I were to put myself in her shoes, I would agree more with your assessment. She likely feels that not only did the one person who was supposed to be the person she could lean on during that moment couldn't be there for her, she had to additionally care for her husband who passed out at the news. So instead of having someone to lean on, she ended up with an “extra burden” (even though it isn't his fault AT ALL). It's not rational, but perhaps something that changes the way she sees him in her eyes.
I bet she knows she's not being logical at all too, but you can't logic your way out of this one.
Sounds like PMDD, she needs to see a medical gyn who deals with this. They use specific birth control and sometimes antidepressants but again, she needs a doctor.
Talk with her when she's calm and not menstruation, the treatment works, I have PMDD. GOOD luck
Quite the opposite response actually. But thank you for your understanding response, I can understand how he sees keeping things extremely spotless as a labor of love, such as your mom did. He works full time and we’re in a blessed financial spot where he wants me to stay home or work if I choose to. I think the bottom line is that our standards of cleanliness are different! Despite cleaning everyday I guess to him I fall short, hurtful but it is what it is. Again I have a hot time grasping how that can make someone so cold but we can communicate through that
Yeah, I get it, but life is stressful enough with adding someone who makes your life harder. Just accept that it was an experience, but personally I’d leave her in the past. You can find someone else- even it your situation. It takes a bit more organising, you want a loyal, kind, attractive and steady
No I’m saying he’s not a good father. My husband is a much better father so not saying anything would be better for my son
I wouldn’t recommend nagging him again.
How can you lust after another person if your heart is with another?..if that is the case.
I'm in a similar situation with my wife, just swapped roles, but we both see get to see other guys.
We've both experienced partners falling for us, and have always ended things amicably. Luckily we've had understanding partners.
The second half of your post takes quite the turn. She sounds very controlling. When you two were falling for each other, was she hiding the controlling aspect of her personality? I think it's best if you just avoid her and this situation.
Post history
Some of the best engineers I've met have been women. Mostly because they want to be there rather than been told it's a career that a technically minded man should have.
Also none of them take any shit.
Maybe I'm being naive because I'm not experienced but I really really don't think it's for me. I kind of feel like its put me off sex full stop. I'm sure it's not always like that but I don't know when I'll ever have the guts to want to try it again. It was horrible and I just feel gross now.
I ? believe that too! He will mouth off to the wrong person.
Based on past actions, I would not expose any of your details that would allow her or her friends to find or harass you. There is a small chance that this is why she contacted you and the story is all a ruse. Unlikely maybe, but even if not, as you said, way above your or our pay grade.
Maybe send her a list of women’s shelters if you are so inclined. I would not pursue any further contact beyond that. Inform her you will have no further contact due to her past behaviour, block, never look back.