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Alyssa, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 23, 2022
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Fucking ikr, however, therapy in Scotland is shit, her parents wouldn’t like approve at all as it’s “bringing shame on the family”
Personally there's nothing to tell. You didn't cheat. Even in relations there are secrets. Some boundaries have to be experienced to be known. It's done, move forward
Thanks for the reply! Ouch..I didn't even considered this as cheating, that hurts lol
This 100%
Why not just believe all this about him?
Believe that what he says and does IS how and who he is.
Youve dated him for 3 months, if this were someone I was dating I would have been already gone.
These are lessons learned at a very young age. In all likelihood GF was an ignored child. Its a pattern thats imprinted on her by her parents. Breaking through that will involve basically rewiring her brain.
My opinion is that you’re not who/what you think you are. You’re not a good person and should let the poor woman who is waiting for you go.
/s next time lol. I’m sure you understand the difficulty of distinguishing sarcasm through words.
For the love of god do not marry that woman, and the two of you need to stop bringing innocent lives into the world. They don’t deserve that. You two need serious mental help and I’m genuinely concerned for all of your kids.
Yep.
Well, 'tis the season…
I would think health normally declines the older you get…
did you want me to call him that??? your point is valid as i obviously agreed with you ffs. are you american? try actual therapy if youre able
Stick to your plan!! A daycare with other kids is germ city!!
First comment said exactly what I was thinking about this post being incredibly immature and all of you who see this are right in thinking that. I agree. I am trying to learn here though.
You owe it to your wife and kids to sit down with your wife and figure out how you both want to proceed. I have friends who are divorced but they live! down the street from each other. The kids bounce back and forth with ease, they do family dinners at least once a week with serious partners included. They love each other but transitioned to co-parenting friends. Neither can move until the youngest is 18 unless both parties agree. They realized they are not good in marriage so they made something that worked for them. There are 2 other couples in my daughter's school who do something similar. It takes a ton of openness and communication and commitment to doing what is best for their kids.
What you are doing now is lighting a fuse on a bomb….it won't end well.
Yes. Absolutely. I don’t know why my family decided they were okay with that. It’s incredibly disturbing to think about because he’s always been invited to the big family events and parties and a lot of them have small children.. it’s literally like they do not give a shit or they think he’s changed maybe? It’s disgusting to me.
Yeah your best friend was working away in the background and got what he wanted
They are upset you found out only , of course neither told you themself.
Probably was going on for longer than you realise
Do not go back to this girl , and personally I would slow down the relationship you have with both of them to an absolute crawl.
As soon as you do this their true colours will show and what they actually want will become a lot more obvious.
Good luck dude.
Yes, but also know I find it weird in general when people post any picture of themselves to social media unless it's wedding photos etc. I seriously don't understand the point, you gain nothing except validation, and if you're in a happy relationship why are you seeking validation from random people that follow you on socials?
No I’m going to ignore it
Just walk away, stop entertaining it, don't even go there
But it’s currently in the drawer. And the question is not “how did it get there.” It’s “why is it being kept.” And your response might be: “because you left once, you might leave again, and he might want to call that girl again” ? – and I guess you would be right in that regard.
That conversation is only in your head. You're reading too much into this.
He's a guy, It's still there because he hasn't given it a second thought. If it bothers you just toss it, he probably doesn't even realize it is there.
All he needs is room for toothpaste, a toothbrush, a razor, and deodorant.
What about suggesting it's just you that initiates for a while? It sounds like you've talked about it a lot already and he isn't respecting where you're at, especially regarding timing.
“Breaking up with her is not an option.” Why not? It sounds like you're being wildly taken advantage of.
Yes! And I mean, how do you even get in the mood for sex if first you're lectured about birth control and abortion and then he disappears for an unknown time into the bathroom.
Also even if the interaction goes great and they’re save now and it was a good thing… he‘s teaching these young girls to trust strange men who tell you they‘ll drive you around. Even if it‘s due to good intentions, there might be serious consequences either way. Sometimes it‘s hard to not take it personally, but ultimately I‘m always somewhat glad and proud when a kid stands it’s ground against me.
Has two wrongs don't make a right gone out of fashion?
It’s true because demographically, she moved away with her mom and was only with her dad sporadically with her brother and her older brother (the twin of her older sister) and not only night. Her mom was over protective because she knew the first wife accused her ex husband of SA. Ironically she wanted to protect her own child but didn’t care about the older daughter, who she was the step mother of for 10 years.
My fiancé is also featured in a podcast about it and talks about it for 2 hours. It’s on Spotify. I agree for the help from a professional. She goes to Alanon meetings for children of dysfunctional parents and therapy and has been for 6 years. Maybe a new therapist that’s a specialist would help
Why would you want to be friends with someone who cheated on their spouse? Friends are a reflection of you. By keeping her in your life, your complicit in her actions. It sounds like your already a sympathizer, and THAT is a red flag to me personally that you are open to cheating yourself if the reason is justified.
I already have myself figured out. I'm not huge for attention nor even need it. But thank you for your advice.
I'm a woman, and I've had a child, and I can honestly see where you're coming from. I actually don't think you're saying anything wrong. I wouldn't tell her “hey babe, your gut is super unsexy. Get on a diet asap”, but I would encourage healthy eating and exercise. Maybe start going for walks together? You could take the baby too. Or even get bikes (and a bike trailer) if you don't have some already, and go for bike rides.
He just finished banging you. Obviously he’s pro-your body.
I’m assuming you moved in with her, so she has every right to ask you to move out so she can focus on whatever else it is she needs to do. You sneaking into her place is just creepy, honestly, and I don’t blame her for blocking you. If you had stuff there you needed, you should have just asked her to gather it and let you come get it at an agreed upon time. You’re lucky she didn’t call the cops for trespassing.
The guy is asking how much is appropriate to pay, not even a hint about wanting to get out of it.
Why did you jump to this assumption? It takes two to tango, clearly both parties have stepped up, op just isn't sure whether he should marry someone because of this (he absolutely shouldn't)
have a look a deadbedroom. you don't want to go there.
take the lead. don't let him finish.
You are nuts bro.
This has to be fake!!
Feels like we’re not getting the whole story here
Here’s a crazy idea: how about spending more time with your girlfriend?
Your girlfriend is feeling abandoned by you. It sounds like you’re spending every free moment playing the game instead of interacting with her.
Take her out on dates instead of playing games. Talk to her. Play games with her.
Your SO is supposed to be important to you. More important than video games. This is a person who has chosen to be with you so you better treat them as though they’re important to you. Because they can choose to not be with you if they don’t believe that they’re important to.
Considering? No you NEED to divorce her. Don’t be a doormat while your wife goes and gets fucked. You really think this is the only time she has cheated on you or has tried to. There will be many more instances of this
Personally, I'd encourage him to go–especially considering it's a great opportunity and it's free–and then plan to have a birthday celebration 2 weeks late with him. It would make my birthday last longer that way, too. 🙂
Thank you for this. The physical stuff shocked me big time. I mean we both agreed we weren't going to jump into anything “official”. We discussed sex. Yet we haven't had it. At all. Or hugged. Or kissed. That is extremely weird. We've been texting and discussing becoming sexual for over a month now, yet it doesn't happen. I have made it clear that I'm interested in that. I don't pressure people or put a “time frame” on things, but I certainly expected to have SOMETHING happen by now.
Remindme! 2days
What you do is be firm about your expectations and that it's not going to change. You're seemingly beyond just suggesting any sort of logic.
I never come here and respond essentially saying “this is how it is, so fuck your partner.” Like anything else, context matters. We're talking about random passing of gas and a lecture every time.
So unless you're willing to stop doing so in front of her which would be your only other option, you shouldn't have to just deal with a complaint and a lecture every single time. That's absurd. The only way to get through to her would again be to be firm. Good luck.
She's always going to keep putting it off. She has to admit she did something horrible and her relationship is going to be over.
Telling someone they're being cheated on is the right thing to do, but if you're going to face significant social reprecussuons for it, I wouldn't do it.
It would have been better to not do that. As to honesty thats up to you. Only you can decide what you are willing to tolerate.
That’s just bizarre. Most people make money by providing either a product or a service to someone else. So you would have to feel weird about almost everyone.
They’re not your friends. They’re trained to help at a level your friends and family usually can’t. Don’t hold that against them.
I replied to them but I'll say it to you. Their comment about saying you'd never sleep with Marcie because of the age gap is stupid advice. So if Marcie quits and your new asst is your age now what? Don't put down Marcie or point our reasons why you obviously wouldn't have sex with her. That's cheater talk.
Her intentions were to ignore someone she doesn't care about at all.
I agree with the sentiment but this is how abusive/controlling/manipulative relationships start which is probably why they’re excited about it.
They’re trying to spare someone pain
Doesn’t sound that amazing, loving or supportive—does he really feel entitled to a say in how you look or what you do with your body?? I would run for the hills if I were you!
I love him aside from the things that are bothering me. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him and it's because we get along so well and share a wonderful sense of humor, we can talk about any topic at length. He understands how I think when I make decisions for myself or us. Things seem to fall apart with communication when I feel like I need to mention something that bothers me and he gets extremely defensive. It seems like it turns a mole hill into a mountain and I always end up feeling like leaving is the only option
OP, it’s not just about his mom. He’s still referring to his ex as his “future” to your face. That is so unkind. He is an asshole.
My (now ex) had major depression and was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Nothing I did or said made any difference. One thing I learned is that I could have literally handed my ex the world on a silver platter and they would still have been depressed and suicidal. Even if you would have stayed with him doesn't mean that he wouldn't have tried to commit suicide at some point.
Age gap is 11 years.