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Andrew, Mary, y.o.
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Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Andrew, Mary
Date: October 3, 2022
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I'm not benefiting actually.. we used to have a great relationship before, and then things got messy and I broke up with him. It turned out that his behaviors at that time were because he was hiding his sickness from me and he was afraid to tell me he's sick. The breakup lasted half a year and I talked to him in order to know where this breakup is going.
I was in the middle of darkness and my therapist told me I had to talk to him and know if he really wants this or to end this forever on my part.
We talked and he wanted to do the work.. but as I'm seeing he doesn't do any of the work
If your gut is telling you something is off it usually is. See if you can check his phone, email or computer and bank and credit card statements. This would bother me and I'd want some answers.
It looks like there are three things at play here:
His mom is having an affair, as is his sister. He is unwilling to enter into an official relationship with you He has lied to you about his mother's relationship, through either omission, “misrepresentation”, or outright lying.
Basically OP, you have someone who is hinting marriage but isn't even willing to call you his girlfriend. The “situationship” implies that he gets all the benefits of a relationship but without having to put in any work. It also implies that he's not monogamous because again, it's not an official relationship. A “situationship” is something that can be picked up, put down, or discarded at any time, whenever it suits the person most benefitting from it – and OP, you are not the person benefitting here. In his mind he likely views monogamy as an “agreement” that he's not actually bound to honor because you're not actually his girlfriend. You're a friend with benefits. To be honest, I doubt that his hints at marriage are anything other than a carrot he's dangling over your head to keep you around – in other words, he's telling you what you want to hear without intending to follow through or become a better person.
His family has shown that they do not prioritize monogamy and faithfulness. He has shown that he's willing to lie for them, so that their cheating isn't discovered – even if the person he's lying to isn't a partner or in a place to expose the cheating.
OP, there's almost certainly more going wrong with this “situationship” than worries of him potentially cheating. I would wager that you are the one putting 200% into everything and he puts in 10-50%… but makes you feel like those halfhearted gestures are equal to yours. They are not. As far as cheating goes, I would say that he is likely already cheating on you – although in his mind, it's not cheating since you're not his partner. You're just there.
You can do better. You deserve better than someone who isn't even willing to call you a girlfriend or be honest with you. If he were to marry you, he'd likely drop whatever pretenses he has because you'd be “trapped” with him.