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Angel, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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This is my fucking life. This is what I deal with on a daily basis. I’ve already gotten high. I think we’re done. Don’t tell me I’m a fucking troll
As long as you don’t do the same thing and he agrees it should be ok, most of those are normal too, the others a little bit too much but as long as you do it it’s alright imo
DO NOT CONTACT THE BF. She blocked you dude. Take a hint. If she wants to talk to her friend she will. Stop being a stalker.
I used to be with someone like this, so trust me when I say he will not ever get better. He doesn't care about how you feel, he just cares about hurting people who've done nothing to him. Get our while you can because if you move with him he WILL make it difficult.
It sounds like he has made being a political contrarian his identity and he is fully entrenched. Good luck, It doesn’t get better until there is intense self reflection and a willingness to literally change his personality which most people will not do.
Thank you, I genuinely don't know if it is true or not, but the way OP mentioned his lack of assertiveness and that she wouldn't want to be with someone like that made me wonder if she said that to make him realise that she might leave him if he didn't shape up. People can get complacent pretty easily, and sometimes it takes a shock to snap them out of it.
Thank you, when I asked him in August I was really excited about the prospect of living together. I knew it could be risky but that’s also why I decided to not move out of the property that I have a bought on my own. Things have changed a little since he moved in, maybe it’s more noticeable now that we spend more time in each other’s company, so I’d anything, it’s given me some clarity.
I am just now seeing this. Late to the party as always. But when you said he forwarded the link to your GF my eyes got so big I could have used magnifying glasses as contact lenses. YOU handled everything right. You opened up to your friend and he opened you up to your GF. Honestly I feel like it was half a dick move and half removing the band aid with one nude pull. He got you and your GF talking and that's all that matters at the end of the day. But if you ever murder someone or start dealing drugs don't tell him, or at least don't write about it on Reddit; he'll send the cops the link. At the end of the day it does sound like he has your back. So I'll cut him some slack.
Your GF loves you, you know that right? There was a ton of love behind her frustration. I don't like that she discussed WTF could be your issue with others. But as humans we tend to seek out answers for things we really want to know. Plus she probably felt like you were hiding something, which you were. It's like she felt you didn't trust her enough to tell her. She has to understand after the abuse you endured and the betrayal by those that were supposed to love you; being able to open up and trust ANYONE 100% is going to be a journey. You're on that journey, you've been on it, and you've made progress. You're farther along than me just by revealing your scars. I know that had to be so uncomfortable. I felt anxiety just reading it. But like I told a commenter on your last post, you're the brave one. And you have a girl who loves you and wants to help you be the best you that you possibly can. So happy for you, truly. Only word I have of caution is for your GF. She sounds like she's dong great and being incredibly supportive. I applaud her. But you stated, “she confessed she is still upset at the situation because this is a huge part of my past that she never knew about”. Ask her, for me, not to push for you to share. If you get the urge to share things, share away. If you have an epiphany with your therapist you want to discuss with her, that is fantastic. But you are going to discuss things in therapy, events from the past you wish you could forget. You're going to have a TON of up days going forward as you open up and release your pain. But some days you're going to relive some pain and it may take you a while IF EVER to be able to share that with her. She needs to understand it isn't being secretive if she doesn't know something about a past like yours or mine. We've endured things nobody wants to hear, is not a pleasant subject to discuss, and it's even nude to admit to ourselves they happened. But you're going to push through, I think together, and I hope you both end up so happy you're both positively fucking giddy.
Thanks for the update, I know I wasn't the only one anxious to hear what happened. Peace be unto you and all of yours.
I drew a picture of my hand (or you could trace it) holding a heart that said, “The best thing I've ever held was you” and framed it.
I guess I don’t understand the desire for total privacy so many people have these days. My three kids and I have willingly shared our locations with each other for years and years. They’re 21, 23, 25, and they’re about as modern and independent as they could be. None of them live with me or are under any constraint to share and we all trust each other with this info, usually only looking at location to avoid calling when someone is at work or in class. And obviously for security if we can’t be reached, as women it feels like one extra bit of security.
He’s abusive and gaslighting you.
Leave him.
He doesn’t care one iota about you.
Oh, there most definitely is and it has nothing to do with a threesome. He wants your friend to witness him cheating and accept it so he can f around with his ap guilt free. Nope. She needs to tell him what I said and then add, and if you still insist that's not it then my mfm happens first and I have just the guy just as I'm sure you have the gal already.
A 28 year old single father hanging out at campus with his 21 year old girlfriend was probably like hanging out with a parent… which you are. Her friends are right.
While I do think her being dismissive of you is kind of a dick move, I also believe doing nice things for someone because you want gratitude is wrong.
I would do it because I genuinely care not because I expect something back.
I suggest you and her have a calm mature talk so you can voice out your concerns and feelings but also understand her point of view. Then talk to where the relationship is heading.
Speak to the parents and make it very clear that his plan isn't appropriate and won't be entertained. Security will be hired to remove him and any attempts at making your and your future wife's wedding day about him will be treated as such.
First, on your title, he's not hiding it. He's lying about it.
It's interesting you asked if you're being too controlling, because this is possible. For example, you didn't say how you found out he'd lied about it. If you're asking his friends, this is controlling and annoying. The issue is between the 2 of you.
That said, if your other relationship involved a similar pattern, you don't want to repeat past mistakes.
You should communicate with him. Maybe he was just tired and forgot about wearing the shoes. Maybe discuss buying him some flip-flops to place by the door when he needs something quick to wear.
This chick is not your girlfriend. Refuse to ever speak to her again.
“He hasn't done anything thus far” he probably has but he's just got better at hiding it from you.
end it
Why don’t people know when to end relationships? I just don’t get this
Put a budget together with both of your salaries, just yours and just his. Show him how just his salary won’t be enough to accommodate your quality of life. Babies are not cheap; if he’s assuming you’ll breastfeed it doesn’t always work you need contingencies formula diapers clothes toys etc…
You are making a lot of excuses for him in your answers. Stop. He was messing with a person that was way too young and he knew better. He showed you who he is. No 30 year old should be with an 18 year old. He’s gross.
I don't see what else you could have done TBH, you asked her, she said you should know, you picked things you thought she'd like and also asked a family member for ideas, she said you should have asked her, but you did. It is difficult. I would remind her that when she is requesting you ask her for suggestions, you did try that and she wasn't into it. You are doing your best and she should be supportive. Exchanging gifts is supposed to be fun not a test.
Its going to take her a long time to fix this problem, and only if she is willing to put in the effort. It will not get better on its own.
You need to make the choice, game of thrones or her…
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years and my only complaint about the relationship has always been how addicted to porn he is (he’s been addicted since the age of 10). Literally everything else in our relationship is amazing. I can’t find a single reason to be upset about it other than the porn use. We’re still able to have great sex, but the porn bothers me bc I can tell it affects his mood, etc…
We recently got into a huge argument about it. I was letting him use my laptop since his finally gave out from being almost 8 years old. I was disgusted when I found him using my laptop for porn and told him something has to change for real this time. Since then, he’s been honest about when he has the urge to watch it and trying really nude to make a change. I wanted to find out the drive from it and asked him more and basically whenever he’s stressed he will watch porn. Whenever he wakes up he will watch it as well because it’s become apart of his routine for so long.
Warning: Mentions of SA coming up
I didn’t think those reasons could be the only case, so I kept trying to figure out how a 10 year old could possibly all of a sudden be hypersexual and watch porn for the next decade. Then, when I was scrolling on my main Reddit this morning, I saw a sub in AskReddit where someone asked men that have been SA’d their experience. I saw a handful of men that had been SA’d as young as 5 which turned them hypersexual and not only felt sick to my stomach, but also was curious if something happened to my bf at 10 years old.
When he woke up, I talked to him and asked if there was anything that he hadn’t told me since he wants to do everything he can to stop being so addicted. Sure enough, he opened up right away. He told me when he was 10, he got his parents to let him go to a 14 y/o girl’s house to hang out. She got him to eat her out and do other sexual things. He told me at the time it didn’t seem bad since his friends cheered him on after the whole thing. But he told me now that he thought about it, it made him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Since then, he picked up a very heavy porn addiction. Mainly older women porn. And he’s watched it ever since.
I’m really upset and pissed that this disgusting bitch did this to him. I know her social media and so badly want to call her out or do something, but Im not going to, I’m just upset that she’s a huge cause, if not the whole reason my bf is addicted. I just need advice on how I can help my boyfriend. He’s really trying and wants to stop. He just doesn’t know how.
TL;DR: My bf has been addicted to porn ever since he was 10 after being SA’d by a teenage girl. It made him hypersexual and he can’t go a day without watching it. I don’t know how I can help him aside from not letting him borrow my laptop since his is broken.
43 year old men shouldn't start or continue relationships with 25 year old women. If one does, he is consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of her inexperience, of the power dynamic (could literally be her father), etc. Often there's a note of pedophilia as well.
Yes, the attitude alone here is enough to leave. The age alone is also enough reason to leave.
I definitely want to wait and see what he says. If it’s a difference in schedules and priorities then I will be sad to let him go but if he doesn’t see any ways of improve this then I’ll accept it.