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Anna VK4910, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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I would show her how much of a loser I was and divorce her!! She is disrespecting and degrading you and manipulating you! I would already be getting a divorce because my mouth would've got me one , when she said that to me I would've replied, ” Ya, and this is what it feels like to be married to a bitch!! No one I know would put up with this kind of behavior from a spouse , she's verbally abusive. She doesn't appreciate you or your help and instead insults you! I personally would divorce her. Good luck
Your style sounds like he has some narcissistic tendencies…
But it also sounds like he is setting you up to fail in order to prove that you don't love him as much, or whatever is going through his head. He is already upset about something, and it might be something that he is not talking about, and he may be creating situations in order to justify his feelings and you being the person at fault.
I strongly, strongly suggest that both of you get into couples counseling to start to explore his complex behavior together. I am very worried that he is trying to create situations where you can't keep up on purpose.
We both suffer from depression now and then. I'm medicated and in therapy. He refuses any medication and is only in couples therapy now with me because I said I was in crisis and we needed immediate help. I'm not sure why he neglects his teeth specifically. I've tried asking before and he got very defensive. I'll try asking in a different way.
Move away. Be drastic. My mother moved to Manhattan and her life was so completely different it helped a lot. She was no longer living her normal life where my dad was missing every second of the day.
Maybe Move to Central America and live! on next to nothing. Get out of your current life and start a new one that is drastically different. Some people do this by getting divorced because it helps lessen the pain since their spouse is a constant reminder. Everything right now for your wife is a constant reminder. She needs a long break from that.
Wtf is this?
Red flag: “He has always been very bad with money…”
Why would you want to front him any money?
You said it, “I will always have to take care of him.” Why do you want to marry this man? Why do you want to enable his poor financial decisions? Why do you want to have someone who does not even want to contribute to the household (only doing some chores)?
This is all about you. You are deciding to keep such a person in your life. You are deciding to enable such negative behavior.
Im married, have been only been with my husband. They test every 3 years but they have you come in every year for a physical exam.
no, I trust him that the pictures he sent is actually him- and I know it because he has a friend I secretly talk to (he has anxiety so his friend helps me know what i need to do to help), and he sends me pics and also videos of him, so yes they are real. I do trust him to that extent, but when it comes to my full name, i cannot. I think im aromantic but i dont know
I think you hit the nail on the head that this guy had you on a pedestal and had an imaginary relationship with you for a long time. I seriously doubt any amount of communication would have made this work because it was so one-sided to begin with. There’s a reason a 35-year-old is single and obsessing over a woman 10 years younger, and it’s not because he’s an emotionally healthy person. You basically decided to date your stalker.
Your friends may not forgive you for “leading him on when you knew how much he loves you.” It’s not your fault, but it was pretty foreseeable. Leave him alone to lick his wounds and be glad the only thing he did was delete you. Men who are obsessed and then spurned can be dangerous.
Why does he jump right to “you’re just doing it for attention/compliments” instead of just shutting the fuck up? What was the goal of that comment? To make you feel bad about providing meals for your grieving friend? To put your cooking down as something people don’t actually “need” but that you’re cooking for them for “selfish” reasons? To guilt you into not spending a whole day cooking and instead doing things for his selfish ass?
You did a nice thing for a friend. End of story. Does it feel good when someone reciprocates the nice gesture with a compliment? OF COURSE IT DOES! You would have to be a psycho to not get enjoyment out of that. You don’t have to get ZERO benefit from something for it to still be altruistic. You’re not doing it FOR the compliments, you’re doing it because it’s your love language and you enjoy using your skills to provide meals for others.
Many people don’t even like cooking and by offering your services, that you are more than happy to offer, it takes the burden off of others and everybody wins. How could your boyfriend possibly have an issue with you getting enjoyment out of it? He sucks for making you feel bad about this and doubt your motivations. Pretty shitty that he sees you enjoying it and wants to take you down a couple pegs to get to his level because it doesn’t have much to offer.
100%.
Ask her what she wants.
Run.. I don’t need to read past the title. Just run
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Her comment was positive! She said she likes his dick better than big ones.
Ugh, no way. Absolutely not. Even IF you're willing to think about working it out, do NOT move in with him. The fact that he:
a. ghosted you for a month; and
b. thinks he can fix things by getting you to move back in without any efforts to just rebuild
shows an epic amount of emotional immaturity and inability to approach relationships like a grown up.
Move on. This guy blew it.
Agree with everything you've said here but:
Honestly, moving forward there’s nothing you can really do or say to address what was said.
She could at least apologize for hurting his feelings even if unintentional.
This cannot possibly be true.
We believe in you OP, you are a beautiful person and you deserve a beautiful life
I didn’t read past the title. You’ve change and he hasn’t. Life changes aside, if everyone thinks this and his mother is the only one to tolerate it, why did you marry him? Sounds like you’re a already separated, the reasons you like this won’t change. So plan, try And part ways, 2 decades already are you ready for 16 more years with him ? Life is too short to be with someone that you’ve outgrown.
You were on a break!!!
The answers in this thread are hilarious. Everyone has a theory about why she’s tired. Who gives a shit? She’s unwilling to seek any professional help. This is a relationship question.
Your relationship is doomed. You can stay and live! with being blamed for everything that goes wrong or leave and find a partner who takes responsibility for their actions
My advice is to marry her.
She is probably frustrated about that, and it is coming out in other ways.
You’re right and I apologise for that. I was frustrated on your behalf. I just want you to want better for yourself and to leave. Sending you hugs instead of harsh words.
He makes me feel god awful about this not working. He says that I always make excuses to get out of it,
Your boyfriend is trash. You need to wake up and see it. People who love and respect you WILL NOT treat you like this.
Honey, please see this guy is treating you badly. He can buy an asshole shaped fleshlight and be done with this, but he's harassing you instead.
I repeat: A LOVING AND RESPECTFUL PARTNER WILL NOT TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM
He makes me feel god awful about this not working. He says that I always make excuses to get out of it,
Your boyfriend is trash. You need to wake up and see it. People who love and respect you WILL NOT treat you like this.
Honey, please see this guy is treating you badly. He can buy an asshole shaped fleshlight and be done with this, but he's harassing you instead.
I repeat: A LOVING AND RESPECTFUL PARTNER WILL NOT TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM
Do yourself a huge favor and stop consuming garbage content.
He makes me feel god awful about this not working. He says that I always make excuses to get out of it,
Your boyfriend is trash. You need to wake up and see it. People who love and respect you WILL NOT treat you like this.
Honey, please see this guy is treating you badly. He can buy an asshole shaped fleshlight and be done with this, but he's harassing you instead.
I repeat: A LOVING AND RESPECTFUL PARTNER WILL NOT TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM
Tell him you are willing to have a DNA test to prove the child is his
You guys are so young and you were kids when you got together. What is the rush to get married?
I have instagram, i literally only follow about 30 of my friends and colleagues and have never once liked or searched for any suggestive content on that platform – i mainly look at/post pictures of cars and architecture and yet my 'discover' page is still literally about 80-90% women in lingerie & obscured nudes.
Not saying you're wrong or that OPs BF idnt up to snything, but I think the discover page pushes alot of stuff that's just generally popular at you. Worth taking into account.
But you absolutely CAN quite literally leave. It’s just going to be very hard and maybe you’re not ready for that right now. But you have to decide at some point that this is not a healthy environment for you, your pet and your child
This comment perfectly encapsulates it. It's devastating sometimes to learn, whether it's a parent or past partner, that they were capable of not being shitty but you weren't worth them changing. It doesn't make sense, but it's hard not to wonder and see it as a reflection on you somehow.
Its not necessarily though. Sure i agree sometimes it does involve romantic feelings, but it doesn’t always have to be about romantic feelings. It can just be feelings about a situation or an experience.
Yes, she's trying to hurt you. You should absolutely cut ties.
If he said you're at your best when you're expecting, it's probably not his first. Idk, it's pretty logic in his mind, it reminds me of the old cliche of the rich guy who brings jewelry to his wife to calm her because he knows it will calm her. For him, fight can be resolved with a baby.
Sure, but he might not want that. And that’s okay too. None of you are wrong/right. You’re entitled to want to work it out. And he’s entitled to choose, not to be with you.
His kid is staying with him. The other kid stays with her mom. He doesn't pay child support because 'he doesn't have a job. I need serious help with my self worth.
Not necessarily. He stated somewhere that she wanted to go to a private university. I don’t know her situation but I had a friend who insisted to go out of state, to a private university in California. One where celebrities and rich people send their children. Her family couldn’t afford to pay a penny towards her tuition. I just googled it and a 4 year is roughly 250k. She went for education and she’s now a teach, whom make roughly 30-50k a year. She did have a good amount of scholarships which likely helped a LOT, but it is still possible without going to med school.
Honestly? Yes. He's showing no respect to you or how you feel.
I hadn't considered that… it really was all about her. Attempting to bring the focus on to me in any way really upset her. Saying that I was confused why I would keep writing when she didn't answer really set her off. The whole thing is disturbing. Maybe it was really a jealous outburst of my attention being elsewhere.
Thank you, I have been prioritizing my family and will continue to do so. Perhaps a pause is best while I sort though these feelings and take care of myself.
Yeah there is no way you should have children with this person
Oh sorry I didn't further explain that it is about control.
Guarantee you that any man that only wants a virgin is insecure. Lmfao
Jeeesus, I pity whoever has to deal with you in relationships. How incredibly selfish and short-sighted.
It's pretty common for women to avoid confrontation in the moment.
It could be that he kind of sprung it on her, and her default reaction is just to play along until she can get away.
If she told you about it, you probably don't have anything to worry about. Unless she is obviously & overtly trying to make you jealous by describing his attractiveness etc.
All you can do is work on yourself. It’s his decision if he ever wants a relationship with you.
Go to therapy and figure out why you did what you did and ways to cope with it. Communicating with him is the last thing you need to do right now. You need to focus on Yourself first.
If he wants to talk to you then talk to him but you will have a very long way to go. You have to rebuild a 10 year friendship before you could ever date him. And honestly dating him should be the last thing you ever think of.
If you keep messaging her you will come off as desperate. You can't determine if she needs space? Even I can determine it for your post. You need to give her space and move on. If you chase a butterfly it'll never come to you but if you sit down and ignore it, it will. I know its not what you want to hear and i know how tough it can be but she does not deserve you wasting anymore time on her.
Break it off, he saw an opportunity to sleep with someone and did, he had every opportunity to stop it, from the kissing to the taking eachother clothes off ect and he didn't, I'm so 'weak”.
Honey he will do it again, because he doesn't value you no matter what he says and he clearly weak minded, he fucked someone else because he was unhappy In the relationship ??♀️
This is the typical cheater go to,
I was unhappy, it ment nothing, I love you, you can have full disclosure of my phone, we can go to counciling ect
That just crap they spew to keep you around.
Do not move in with him, just end it and block him, your no married, nit financially tied, so walk away scot-free.
It wasn't a mistake it was a choice, there so many way he could of dealt with what ever was going on in the relationship, while you was keeping him a priority, you where second-rate, Cheating is a choice and he chose someone else over you.
Cut ties now before he ruins you completely
Text him and then block him everywhere say.:
” this isn't going to work for me, this isn't something I can get over, cheating isn't a mistake you made a choice, and your choice was to have sex with someone else instead of voicing your issues with me, because your so 'weak' right?? No because your a f#cking coward. I deserve better than this and better that you, I really hope it was worth it. I will move on from you and find better, but you will always be a sad 'weak' little boy who needs validation from other women, good luck to the next women that crosses your path… do not contact me anymore, you are being blocked”.
And then block him. Live! your life
So he made a plan to cheat on you, followed through and cheated on you, kept it secret for a year and then when he finally told you the truth expected you to support him?
Well I'll give him this: he's certainly got some gall.
But no, this isn't a mistake. It's a serious of choices that he made and his expectation that you would support him tells me he's not really remorseful. He feels guilty but he doesn't really seem to care how it affects you and just wants you to make him feel better for his own actions.
I've been through IVF recently not sure of. You have experience or not but the one caveat I would say is it depends what she means when she says 7 rounds. Some people mean 7 egg retrieval rounds. Some people mean transfers so 7 transfers. She also doesn't specify a time frame so as far as I can see it is all still plausible.
Also some don't accept or won't accept donation until they have exhausted all avenues. That this has only come up in my mind doesn't automatically make it a troll post.
Hon, I'm married.
Guess, how many times my husband has lost his cool, yelled at me and called me names?
Zero.
We're not perfect, but you don't yell and cuss at your SO.
Waving a trash bag with broken glass in front of one's face? Nope, nope, that's a “see ya never”.
I just really like him. He was understanding and we had deep ass conversations and haven’t felt that way in a while. I really wanted to meet him etc but now ugh it’s so conflicted. I’m an overthinker so now I’m just thinking a lot. I even sent him a msg about what you just said to see what his response would be tomorrow.
I will never understand why mods delete the post just to copy paste it on a comment, in this case even cutting part of the post, it's just so stupid.
You comment really just brought me back to reality… I just reflected on what you just said and I can’t but agree… I just realized how many problem I have to work on… especially I especially have to work on my self esteem and my ability to set and respect boundaries. I already started wokring on my depression but my problem was that I only realized I that something was wrong with my behavior about a month ago… that is what I meant with things could have gone different… If I knew I would have started working earlier on my depression… I just realized how mich I have hurt her… but you are absolutely right that is my problem and not hers… that is on me I cannot blame anyone but myself for and I shouldn’t involve her with my mental issues
OP this is how he acts when he only sees you ONCE a month, how do you think he will act if you guys ever move in together?
Cut your losses and run.
He’s showing you EXACTLY what kind of partner he is, believe it.
Your adoptive family is your true family. They made the choice to bring you into their home and love you. Those other people were just involuntary DNA donors. Forget them.
I found my biological family a few years ago and they wanted nothing to do with me. Spare yourself the pain and appreciate the family that raised you.
Not if she's not held accountable. The possibility is because he enabled her by not giving her consequences and making a police report.
Duly noted!