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Date: October 30, 2022
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Thanks so much for you concern! Your opinion is really valid, and I promise to be very careful moving forward. The reason we have moved ahead so fast is because I have actually known him for years and years, so we sort of skipped the getting to know each other phase. He's well known to my sibling, who lives nearby, and is mutual friends with all my friends. (Which certainly wasn't true of the ex, and his open dislike of my friends was another ignored red flag.) We bought a property together after discussing at length our life goals and boundaries beforehand. It was also my idea, and his family and mine were very involved in the whole process. I'm never really alone, and have a huge supportive community that seems to be giving this relationship and property glowing reviews. I see a therapist every week for the previous trauma I've suffered, and I'm very communicative with her about what happens in this relationship. So far she seems really cool with how this is progressing. He is very aware of my need to be in healing, seeing a therapist, taking depression medications, etc. He actually has been a true godsend through all this. He is extremely gentle with me, and has given me no reason (for real this time!) not to trust him. However, I understand (now more than ever) that trust is earned, not inherent. Your advice is still solid, as well as the other poster who mentioned it. Honestly I'm just touched that anybody cares about what I went through. Thank you! I promise I am being well looked after, and am very safe. If that ever changes I know I've learned my lesson about walking away in a timely manner. I really have no desire to ignore r/reltionship_advice again when you all gave me such solid advice last time. Everyone here is still so supportive and honest. Thanks to you, and to everyone!
I can tell you, she sounds like she is more worried about her social media and she doesn’t want to upload a photo of her with you and your black eye. It’s not looking good
Thank you so much for that, I’m so appreciative that I can get this advice from somebody who has experience.
You are catastrophizing. The actual risk is 60 seconds of awkwardness that turn into a fun dinner story to regale friends with. Nobody is going to spend years in a state of emotional tumult over a botched coffee date invitation.
The risk of the worst-case scenario is tiny compared to the best-case rewards: your soulmate who fills the rest of your life with happiness and long, intense orgasms.
And the truth is: rejection is the less likely outcome. If he doesn't have a girlfriend and isn't gay, there's a very high chance he'll say yes, because that's how humans work. If he does have a girlfriend or is gay, than there's nothing to feel embarrassed about anyway.
You're at the perfect age to start transforming from someone who identifies as “shy” into a person who is willing to take some risks and not have a fear of embarrassment rule your life. Start practicing self confidence. It's a skill that will serve you well in love, work and adulting in general. And what better opportunity for taking your first, tiny risk?