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Date: October 8, 2022
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You can spoil your partner different ways other than presents… Good food, activities etc
I personally think having a great friendship first is only worth risking ruining the friendship if the aspects of the long friendship carry over. In this case it doesn't sound like that's the situation.
I can tell my best friend hot truths about themselves from a place of love. 1y relationships can't normally survive that blunt, tough love, candor that a decades old friendship can.
It doesn't sound like you're dating your best friend now. Sounds like you're dating someone who barely respects your opinion and definitely doesn't respect you as a partner in managing your home (and any kids inside) and that's after a VERY short year of dating.
I think in this case you should separate that friendship and look at this through the lens of a new relationship, because he doesn't seem to be participating like a bff of 10yrs would.
Heck, I parent my bffs kid, I've been here all his life. No way he's throwing a tablet tantrum on my watch because he sees me as an authority figure, an adult in his life, and always has. And I'd never be told to just let him act wild so he doesn't get upset, and if I were, I'd tell my bff how absolutely absurd that is.
You shouldn’t lie, but plenty of info doesn’t need to be shared. Nobody actually wants to hear every detail about your relationship with your ex.
Okay, so. You feel that you made a mistake.
But plenty of women have chosen to not report and not regretted it and plenty of women have chosen to report and regretted it.
The statute of limitations for SA is like… Ten years so, if you feel that strongly about it you can probably still report it!
But either way, it's not your responsibility or OPs girlfriends responsibility or any victims responsibility to stop rapists from raping.
Guys, get a grip on reality. The only one who cares how huge your dick is is you. Your partner wants your attention and intimacy – a big dick provides neither.
A few of my exes were way above average. I’ve met a few guys even bigger that I wouldn’t even attempt. “Bigger” is a turn off for me, and many women I know, as we are not built for that.
Anything above “average” hurts like crazy and is zero fun for TONS of women. Sure, some are size queens who love a deep ride, but that also means they’ve got a deep slot!
Be glad you have what you do, and that it works so well – lots of guys don’t even have that!
I mean it's definitely situational but if you feel like she likes the thing more than you it'd be hurtful to me at least.
It’s definitely a weird and little creepy gift. If he seemed sincere in his apology to you I feel like it’s something to work past. Look for any more weird behavior.
Yes but given that she’s not even 12 weeks yet and he’s already dating someone else (after being split for only 3 weeks) I can understand her concerns.
He can date who he likes but she does not need to get to know them and she does not need to agree to having them around her new born baby.
I mean, it's pretty clear when people spelled it out for me here
If you were using condoms from her house, it is possible that she sabotaged them somehow.
I use that term to mean
You don't get to redefine words.
She manipulated him. She didn't groom him. Grooming happens to minors. You can tell the truth about what happened to him without misusing words.
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How does your boyfriend feel about what happened?
Lol I love how people are like “the baby won’t eat! The baby won’t sleep!”
Like, they’re barely cognizant, they’ll sleep when they’re tired and eat when they’re hungry.
Agreed. Going to bed together will certainly have much more positive effects on the relationship overall
a lot of people, especially women, gain weight through their 20s as their bodies change and grow. you focus on her “health,” but does she have health problems? was her weight gain precipitated by a significant lifestyle change or some kind of trauma or emotional distress? because if she's gained weight with no other real change, she's not unhealthy. what would be unhealthy is being in a relationship with a partner whose love is conditional on her staying under a certain weight. what happens if you have kids and her body changes, or if she does go through a significant health problem? will you still love her?
I had life saving GI surgery a few montha ago (infected swollen gallbladder that had become… well… gangrenous basically and it was getting septic) and 3 months out it has been absolute Hell on Earth. Knowing that there might still be time for me to get better from what you just quoted increased my mood a lot. I know it may be random, but thank you
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It's not cheating, right?
I get that he feels awful, and he’s totally right to feel that way. I can’t get over the total helplessness, and also the internal, maddening rage, I’d have felt in your shoes. I mean, no one was listening to you that you did not cheat, literally everyone took the word of some co-worker trying to hit on your husband rather than you! Your life was fucked up and you were thrown away, AND you’re pregnant and going thru hormonal changes and morning sickness. When you’re married and pregnant, he should have been by YOUR side, sticking 100% with you, his wife!
And then he demanded a divorce AND cheated on you? Feeling bad now may cause him to think twice next time, but it still doesn’t address the compete disregard for you and your child that he dove right into. Like, WHY would he believe this Ali over you? More specifically, he absolutely had to have some doubt it was true. Why did he not listen to the doubt? Why did he choose NOT to give you the benefit of the doubt? I’d ask these questions, and “I don’t know” is an unacceptable answer. He’s just gonna have to dig really fucking deep to root out his reasons and explain them fully, with no promises on your end.
For now, cry when you need to, take your time and space, this was some life-changing, deeply disturbing and hurtful emotional harm you’ve been through, and while pregnant! Be patient with yourself, healing takes time, and remember to practice good self care, too. Eat healthy, get your rest, explore your interests a bit more. I’m hoping the best for you!
I remember a woman saying her bf had a perfect “bf dick”. The dude was crushed.
Ghost him for 2 months as well ???
Someone who truly loves you doesn't ghost you for a month over an argument that happened a month previous to the ghosting. You are right not to trust him right now after he hurt you so badly. Do not move back in with him until he and you get some therapy for whatever issues you have and learn to communicate better.
Be very cautious with this. Trust is very hot to earn back.
Sure, I can´t see how that could possibly go wrong.
For most people, physical attraction is a requirement for romance. Its not a requirement for friendship or love, though. You're not being shallow – it is what it is.
Maybe re-evaluate what kind of relationship you can have with this person.
Thanks for your insight. Well how do I move on…during our last meetup, should I call it quits? How do you keep the door slightly open for them, without making it seem like you’re waiting for them? I won’t wait for him, but my heart probably won’t move on for a while.
I think the online stalking is the purpose of social media, it's not a red flag especially when compared with rape plans…
Get restriction order first, then break up.
Your reasons for not wanting kids are valid. And just to let you know, having kids is selfish, too. Ask anyone why they had kids and the answer will invariably start with ” I wanted.” So don't fell bad about being selfish.
Everyone talks about the Kodak moments of raising kids; no one talks about the unpleasant stuff. Sleep deprvation
She did hot uninvite you, she was just polite about it. Don't you dare show up to her wedding and ruin HER day.
I think it would be unfair to all our friends and everyone else there to deny them from seeing me
You are the main character to your life and your life only, that's it.THE WEDDING ISNT ABOUT YOU. If your friends want to see you this bad they will come to you. Seeing you is really not the privilege you think it is. How self absorbed can you be? Who do you think you are???
She clearly told you not to come and understandably so after your behavior through all of this. Respect her wishes and don't go. It's simple, really.
Ok thank you. I'm having a hard time with this.
The audacity radiating off of him. He gave you an STI and now is angry because you want to use protection so you don’t get another one? I would laugh him all the way out the door.
At the end of the day, it’s your decision what goes in your body (in any capacity) so if you don’t want to have unprotected sex then he needs to respect that. If he doesn’t want to then you do as he says and not have sex at all ?♀️
She’s not implying you’d rape her, she’s implying she’s rather the kids be home so she doesn’t feel obligated to please you. How old is the baby? Sex is likely the last thing on her mind and she feels pressure by you. You guys need to sit down and openly talk about this.
How is this still funny to you? I wouldn’t be able to touch the guy. I’d worry this was some sexual thing he was forcing or something because he seems to enjoy it? I’m freaked out just reading about it
Your relationship sounds wonderful. It sounds like she is the right person from your description.
Honestly, love isn't like the movies, full of excitement and lust, it's calm and safe.
Can you talk to a therapist about your feelings? It feels like we are missing some info here. If you know you don't want to marry her you 100% should not waste any more of her time.
Does he have a girlfriend?
Look I’m pretty deep in the fitness community and it’s very well known that trainers fuck their clients all the time, so his feelings aren’t invalid. Why not get a female trainer?
Yeah you're not in the wrong. His insecurities should not be imposing on your life. In fact if I were in your position I would be extremely angry. Sometimes people who are overly accusatory of cheating are likely cheating themselves too, so I think you should be extremely wary of that. He sounds extremely manipulative.
“You damaged me immeasurably. Permanently. You destroyed any chance I had at having a home I could feel safe and secure in as a child, all because you couldn't handle not getting all the attention. You and that trash you call a mother ruined my childhood and teenage years, and now you think you are entitled to forgiveness because you went to therapy for some self-inflicted addiction problems? You think you can say some words now, and it's magically all better? We're suddenly real family? There is no way to atone for what you took from me, and for you to force this conversation on me shows you are still the selfish little prick you were when I last knew you. You will never have my forgiveness. Have some self-respect and never contact me again.”
Agreed. Hire a bouncer. A humorless ex-cop bouncer.
Unfortunately she has clearly been exploited. He is just another generic creep using a camera to creep on women. Many models go deer in the headlights and with the flow, and while I think her goal was earnestly to try and excite you he likely exploited that as well.
And that's it, she probably meant well. She saw it perhaps as a two birds one stone sort of thing where she could help the friend and turn you on. But in that I think she was naive, both on the read on whether you'd be into it, who it was with, and the risk she was taking in general.
And you are allowed to be upset and disappointed. It was a boundary that seemed obvious. But also appreciate she will likely realise what happened as you discuss it and she may react in ways you don't expect.
This is a great answer.
I’d absolutely fight my former friend, though.
Ask him if it would be any different if you read it instead of hearing it? That’s basically what women did in generations before. My mom and her friend read “Lady Chattely’s Lover” in the 1960’s. Scandalous in it’s time, but relatively tame for today.
I want to get better I want to be better I want to get over them and not stuck in the past and move on so bad. I tried therapy journal reading books basically almost all the things people usually say to do to be healed
Ex wife and ex friend, have some respect for yourself op. She gets very hot in from of other men and thinks you'll enjoy it, not wife material.
She is 32 and requires her guy to make over 400k. That's a pretty small pond she is fishing in. She better get used to being single.
I'm gonna end up overthinking it.
Doing it already.
Relax, enjoy the relationship. If it turns out he is a shit you will find out soon enough. If he turns out to be a good guy you win.
Is that right?
See, I thought it was just basic sexual marketplace economics.
Higher mileage equals lower value.
I'm sure there are some that like it different. I love a free market.
You three adults should sit at one table for that question and you should ask the son beforehand what he wants
He seems very afraid that if he says no to anything she will try to keep him from seeing his son. That is not a good sign at all. Is that the kind of person you want to marry and have kids with?
But you’re right. Going to have to work on insecurity issues, as well as find someone who finds me sexually attractive and wants intimacy with me.
Can you file and EEO complaint with HR?
Or your states human rights commission? (If you're in the US)
And when she says she won’t leave you?
It’s bizarre to me that you see it as more conceivable that your dad tried to sleep with your 21 year old girlfriend he’s known at least since she was 17 than that he, a man who has repeatedly said you should break up with her to focus on improving your education, would offer her money to make that happen.
Completely agree. If my husband wanted to go on what are clearly dates, we would not have a happy household. It seems silly to have to say this, but when you get married, dates with other people are one of the things you have to give up. And the fact that she knows the guy is attracted to her and she still wants to go on a date with him makes it even worse.
to me, the only reason op is being defensive is because everyone is agreeing with her mother that she is going to be abused.
what she is hearing from these comments isn’t a caring nudge towards research and therapy. it’s a reinforcement of hearing her mother say to her face that her unborn child should die. obviously op is going to react negatively to that.
but how do i break up with her?
By not overexplaining yourself. I know you're going to want to tell her honestly what your issues with her were, but we both know she's not going to actually accept any of that information. Worse, if you give her a list of reasons then you give her data points to argue against and the whole thing, at least in her mind, becomes an “if I can debate you about how this isn't really true or isn't really a problem then we get to stay together” situation, almost a game she'll think she can win. And if you're already worried about your resolve then you definitely don't want to turn this into a debate.
Instead just stick to a script. “I'm sorry, but this just isn't working out. We are breaking up.” Just those two sentences, in response to every attempt she makes to argue. I know that will feel cold, but she's not going to leave without a fight and this will keep you from getting off track.
Couples with kids, go on vacation without their kids? Maybe I come from a weird family, but my parents growing up never went on vacation without us. We were never allowed to be left alone…
That's why I'm surprised to find this out. People go on vacation and have sex in public, where other families are vacationing? Lol.
I'm about your age. If you asked my neighbor from where I grew up what they thought about my dad, they would say he is the sweetest and kindest person they know. He would have outbursts like this. Maybe once or twice a year. Whiskey bottle in tow. I don't think he was an alcoholic, just had anger issues and he always drank when he got pissed off. No idea why every time. Being around a usually nice person that becomes unpredictably angry and violent with no logical reason is a terrible thing. When he'd have his outbursts, he threw and smashed everything in sight. When he cooled, he would act like nothing has happened and would be right back to his pleasant and funny self. Imagine one of the few vivid memories you have from your childhood is a glass ashtray flying inches in front of your eyes and shattering a mirror you're standing next to, because your own father threw it at you to tell you to shut up and go back in your room. The same person that would tell you silly jokes and gave you piggyback rides. I still have to constantly remind myself “This person is not angry at me just because they haven't said anything in the last 5 minutes,” because I always find myself assuming people are angry at me for no reason, unless I confirm that they are not angry or upset with physical evidence (I have to see them smile, I have to hear them talk, etc). Dad's behavior began day 1 of my parents getting married. My mom put her hair up in a ponytail, he didn't like it. He grabbed her by the ponytail, dragged her across the living room, ripping out the curtain that got caught in the process, telling her the hairstyle was indecent, and a married woman shouldn't do that without his permission. The kicker is, we're not from a culture where that is indecent. He just made that shit up. Also, he was always nice and sweet before they got married. Just a complete 180 as soon as she was “trapped,” which was true for that time in our culture – divorce was not an option then. He only showed that side to his family at home, only to his wife and his children, who were the weak and powerless in the power dynamic. He's always been nice to outsiders, strangers, relatives, everyone else, because his social status mattered.
Please stop this now, for your children's sake. My mom is still with dad. She's the best person I know, but I've started resenting her because I'm forced to interact with him because of her. I've loathed him since I could remember, and I hate him more now as an adult because he presents a big moral dilemma that I don't know how to deal with. He provided for our family and was pleasant 80% of the time. It's just that he was a ticking timebomb when he was being goofy and funny and nobody knew when he would blow up. Now he's nice all the time because he knows he's the with no power. That really fucks with you, especially to a developing child. Let alone to an adult. There's no way out of this fucked up situation once you become family.
I mean talking about girls with your mates is one thing but this is a whole other can of worms. I will say that many of my female friends have admitted to doing the exact same thing with pictures of men. I find it weird as fuck, but it’s kinda just porn sharing isn’t it? I find that weird but I don’t think it’s monstrous from what I’m hearing.
Indeed, he also disrespects me while sober, but in more subtle ways…
Well sounds like its over..on to the next one..Before you ask, its not about your looks thats the problem.
I appreciate what you've said. I thought about it, and I was getting too caught on how absolutely mortified I'd be if he told me that I smelled like urine. I'd hate finding that out and I'd probably try to die under a rock, but you are definitely right that I'd rather be able to fix it than go through life unknowingly attacking others with my body odor.
Bob is not your friend, seriously he organized a party in which YOUR future wife was not invited but you let HIS wife come to your party.
Do you see how Bob and his wife don’t respect you and your fiancé enough to even have the same courtesy you extended to them?
At this point doesn’t matter what your fiancé did, by continuing your friendship with Bob and hanging out with people that deliberately snub your fiancé you are showing to whom your loyalty is, and that is not your future wife, your loyalty is with your friends.
Also don’t you find it weird that Sarah went to your party deliberately to snub your fiancé? She could have stayed home to avoid the drama, moreover Bob thinks it’s ok to pull this stunts.
Is this the type of people you want in your life? Or are you afraid they will give you the cold shoulder too?
You've already lost her mate
Small town :/ I've tried. Everyone just goes to the bars. But I know, I don't like lying to her anyways it makes my stomach hurt but I could only imagine if I didn't tell her this girl was my first love and it slipped later ? that would be insane. I would be devastated if roles were reversed, no doubt.
Oh you’re “pretty sure” huh?
You have some valid concerns. Anxiety can get worse and become debilitating. I think that if you want to continue this relationship you have to realize that this is who your fiancée is. She has mental health issues and this has to be taken into account when planning the future. Any added stressors can make the situation worse. Do some research on your own on anxiety, perhaps consider couples counseling. I know someone who has anxiety that has gotten so bad over time that they can barely leave the house now. This doesn't always happen but it can and should be considered, especially if you see her anxiety getting worse.
I'm 100% not into men and I'd never cheat. But people wouldn't believe me if the other people who were there are protecting the guy and saying I consented when I absolutely didn't
Maybe he has deleted his account and it's another person with the same username
You asked some guys girlfriend to fuck you and you don't understand why her boyfriend would not like you anymore?
What planet are you from.
Completely inappropriate.
If I was that guy I would cut contact with you completely and if my girlfriend wanted to stay my girlfriend she would to.
If she shows back up, call the cops, get a restraining order and whatever else you need to do.
confidence do come from others and validation thats why ppl who get dates back to back or have options have confidence because they dont get rejected like that. when u get rejected all the damn time its hard to gain confidence. like i said its easy for a women to get a boyfriend quick
Break up with her
Do whatever you want. Don’t let him tell you what to do. My boyfriend and I have the exact same age gap as you guys. I get what he’s saying and how you feel cos sometimes he’s the same way if I go out a lot or by myself but, he understands I want to have fun right now.
You need to COMMUNICATE in a calm way how you feel. Your feelings are valid. His feelings are valid. Explain in detail how you feel like he’s judging you. Explain how you feel that life is short and sometimes, if you can do it, you should!! Explain you don’t ask him to the concerts because he doesn’t listen to music but you’d be more than happy to invite and include him from now on if he’d like to go with you.
A relationship requires work and compromise from BOTH sides. You need to calmly listen to how he feels as well. It all may just boil down to his tones, and you misunderstand how he intends it. It may very well be a simple misunderstanding about how you communicate. But tell him in the terms you stated above, you feel life can be so short, you want to do things that make you happy and you feel like he’s judging you and it rains on your parade. Be open to what he has to say as well!!
He sounds like a decent enough man, I truly hope it’s just miscommunication, and that you both can work through it!! Good luck!
The only answer you need. Time to close this post and handle business.
But nope, your pathetic as stayed. You need therapy.
8 months………. Look you having been a sexworker is gonna be a dealbreaker to a lot people, it's good that you're upfront about it which is why his behavior is completely unacceptable and gross. If you had kept it from him and he find out then I could understand his behavior somewhat, but he knew and still decided to get in a relationship with you and now is berating you? Yeah no that's gross. You need to end it
This guy cares about gas money more than he cares about you. You can do much better. ? I'd hate to be in a transactional relationship. Good luck to you.
“Loving and supportive”
Title is about bf literally being unsupportive.
??♂️
“Hey wana go on a date”, try that.
Then he needs to return to his place and give you some space!!! Get some friends to back you up, call the cops if you need to, you need to tell him to go home!
So do I but definitely not co-workers lmao.
I think that a long distance relationship is not easy for anyone but particularly harder for someone with your understandable trust issues from your past. Are there plans to bridge the distance soon?