I would love my partner to be my only sexual outlet.
However there is the problem of logistics:
Am I tried? Is she tired? What days of the week? Every day preferably but…
What kind of sex? What about that time of the month? My experience is I will gladly shove it in and pop off, but most women want a bit more. Thats more time.
I mean a sex day normally looks like:
Get home, go to the gym (90 min), hope that its not a day where I come back destroyed, shower (both of us) 15 min each. Rest for 30 min. Work her up, takes a minimum of 15-30 minutes. Do the do. Im in the “takes an hour to cum” category.
Literally we are looking at fucking around 8 if Im lucky.
Dear OP, I cannot even fathom the pain you and your wife are experiencing. My heart breaks for you. It sounds to me though, like you are a wonderful husband. Who else could she scream at and hit and be hysterical to, and still be held and loved? Keep trying. But, you need extra support too. Individual counseling might help, support groups might help, it’s naked to know, but keep trying and don’t give up. Is there a cause or charitable organization that your children cared about that you could devote your energies toward? That can potentially help to alleviate the feelings of despair and helplessness. You’ll be in my thoughts. ❤️
Dude it's going to be naked and you're going to waver a thousand times but throw that shit in the dumpster. In a few months you'll be genuinely happy and less stressed. Sleeping like a baby knowing nobody lying and cheating on you.
You can't make a person change, you can only decide how much is too much before you walk away.
If you've tried to communicate this to them, perhaps suggested couples counseling to work through some of the blockages in communication, and they still are doing this well, you've got to decide whether or not it's worth it to stay.
Personally, I can forgive almost any true mistake if proper apologies are made. But this? This goes under the category of 'intentionally causing harm' and that's a naked NOPE for me.
it sound like they was busy with their bf. it seem like they wanted to focus on their date. it can be tiring to be an FP, or having someone depend on you 24/7. or possible that they was burnt out and just wanted to be alone with their bf. it sound like they felt like they might be done with you. don’t crawl back, focus on yourself
”ive been straight my entire life and have never thought about another woman sexually until I met my best friend”
Just want to say, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise that just because their journey was different than yours and knew earlier. Sexuality is weird and I believe you and your self discovery is completely valid. Sometimes it takes others longer to unlock that side of them if they’re meant to have that side unlocked.
I was completely straight (never once thought of a girl more than a friend and was kinda repulsed by the idea of a girl liking me.) until a close friend of mine changed it all when I was 17. Same thing happened to my ex-best friend, was straight her whole life until I ignited her discovery when she was also 17. I’d been friends with her since middle school and it took her 4-5 years for her view on my to turn romantic, & it’s when we became really close since before that we weren’t that close. It’s been 4-5 since my discovery and I don’t really like girls (it’s rare for me) so I just consider myself straight lol.
Your best friend is married so I wouldn’t recommend pursuing her. If this self discovery is making you want to explore yourself, then go for it since you are already in an open relationship, and if you don’t feel like it and it was just your best friend who made you feel that way, then continue on with your boyfriend and some new girl will come to you.
I’m all for trying to prevent harassment and assault. But I also think it’s important to de-escalate situations, rather than escalate them.
Your big friend getting involved is necessarily an escalation. Even if he doesn’t do anything – he obviously could.
This situation may not have been amenable to de-escalation if the aggressor was on drugs. Call the police, take video, don’t leave the victim alone with the aggressor – but don’t get physically involved unless there’s no other choice. There’s just so many possible ways to make a bad situation much, much worse.
That’s adulting homie. Give her a call. No answer hang up, no one likes VMs. She does, hey, how are you? I was wondering if you’d like a to grab a drink. Either way have a drink. Game. Set. Match.
How long do you think you can live like this. Is this the man you want to be the father of your children. Work a part-time job money is not a legitimate excuse to subject yourself to abuse If they are truly your friends they should have a problem with him. The truth is you are genuinely embarrassed. This is your life the best part is YOU decide what it looks like.
I’m curious, what are the genders of the other managers. Are they all male? I do not understand why the boss would give a rats ass if a married couple were involved in buying him out… seems like if any problems were to come from that it would be on you and your husband down the road and the boss would have already been paid and out.
You do realize that “he views food as an expression of love” is a manipulation, right? He is saying this as a way to guilt you (“if you really loved me you would make dinner”) and to make it so that you have to cook dinner to show that you love him. If he really believed this, it should be absolutely no problem for him to cook dinner about half of the time, as a way for him to express his love to you. And if it’s so easy and doesn’t take much time, why can’t he pitch in?
Does he do any of the other household chores? Because he should- if both people work full time, both pitch in equally with doing the cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, outside work, etc.
I would tell him what days you will cooking for the week, make a plan, and stick to it. He will either step up, or not eat. I would make sure to get yourself something for just you on those nights.
You’ve only lived together 2 months. If this is what he is like now, he has a bit of time to grow up and step up. If he doesn’t, I would not stay with a man-child who I would have to treat like I’m his mommy for the rest of my life.
Do what you want, tell your boyfriend less. Do you tell him about every bowel movement you pass or every blood clot during your period? Of course not. There is minutiae that’s not worth sharing to keep the spark alive.
Nahh trust what your husband told you George said – hubby is literally your ride or die. Your bother can be a better father and husband without your forgiveness ??weird ass bro lol keep the no contact and live your life!
I was laid off- I am still currently the breadwinner with the severance my company gave me for working so naked. Our lease is ending in a few months and I will still be finantially responsible (for the rent 2/3 and utilities/ dog food and care 100%), especially with cost of moving out. I was doing research and it looks like since I bought her with my money, and have paid for basically everything she is legally my dog. My name is the only on on documents so it would be an easy arguement if that were needed.
I do see your point in him needing the emotional support of a dog in the event of our breakup, but I also see the point of others' comments saying that if he can't really take care of himself he may not give the best treatment to her through no malintent of his own 🙁
So * She only wants to date men in the top 1% of US income * Men in the top 1% of US income almost never have a problem dating someone who makes less than them, even significantly so. * There are many women who see men who make more as more attractive. I've met otherwise normal women who have a massive moral blindspot and believe this, so it's possible to find a healthy relationship among women who value income.
So she's going for an extremely small amount of men, who all will have significantly more options than the average guy.
No you are not overreacting. You married a man who actually doesn't put you first. It is time to go to see a divorce lawyer and move on. Talk is easy, actions speak louder than words. Instead of trying to work on his relationship with you, he is spending money on a friend. Just speak to a lawyer and divorce him.
He didn’t stop cheating. He’s still cheating, they just may not be talking this week.
If your gut isn’t proof enough, and the evidence isn’t proof enough, and he’s proven himself to be a liar and a gaslighter, why would you trust what he says over what you see?
Why would he take accountability for something he plans to continue doing?
You are choosing to stay, so he is choosing to keep you in the dark because apparently the only proof that will make you leave is possibly catching him balls deep inside of her, and even then he could tell you it’s not what it looks like, and you’ll continue to questions what you know you saw for years.
He is winning because you aren’t leaving, so he has no reason to be accountable.
Yes! Please! Please don’t be like other people on here and keeping playing this game. You are worth so much more! We’re only given one shot at this life. Do you want to spend what years you have been blessed with, wasted on someone who can’t be honest with you? Let alone keep his pecker in his pants?
There are amazing, loyal people out in the world and they’re worth searching for. My friends always called me picky (my family even told me that they feared I’d never marry) but guess who just celebrated her 10th anniversary? No cheating. No stepping out when things got naked. Since the day we met, whenever I catch him looking at me, there’s this shine in his eyes thats only cast my way. None of my friends can say that. Don’t settle for anything less! You’re so worth it!
Love will never be a bed of roses, but I always preferred Lillies anyway! 🙂
We both have bad exes that we've said there's no way we'd go back to them. I'm thinking maybe of starting the conversation with “how would you feel if you saw I was following my ex on Instagram and liking her posts?”. I think she would admit she'd feel gross about it and then I can bring it up.
I would just celebrate the anniversary on a later date. At the end of the day it's about celebrating the occasion together, the physical date is literally just that…a date. The only thing that makes it special is the two of you celebrating it together. You're 100% overthinking this dude.
You should expect to talk about yourselves, your relationship and whatever issue is troubling you right now. You should expect that both you and your partner will be asked to provide your own, subjective, takes on the situation. And you should expect the therapist to help you empathize with your partner, so that you understand where they're coming from, and do the same so that your partner empathizes with you.
The therapist probably will not recommend that the two of you break up, if for no other reason than finances: if you break up, you stop coming to see the therapist, and the therapist makes less money.
You should expect to talk about yourselves, your relationship and whatever issue is troubling you right now. You should expect that both you and your partner will be asked to provide your own, subjective, takes on the situation. And you should expect the therapist to help you empathize with your partner, so that you understand where they're coming from, and do the same so that your partner empathizes with you.
The therapist probably will not recommend that the two of you break up, if for no other reason than finances: if you break up, you stop coming to see the therapist, and the therapist makes less money.
I have a lot of friends. I hang out w people regularly. Usually she’s included with what we’re doing, but also a lot of the time I go out and do things w my friends, as she does with hers separately from time to time. Most couples I know live together or see each other regularly, so I don’t want to pin it as much as I desperately need her by my side all the time. But for a relationship like ours where we don’t see each other every day, I generally carry the expectation that we’ll see each other most weekends, barring something that is going on that we need to attend, or will at least make the effort to. I’m giving her her space, it’s just difficult to come to terms w it when I already don’t see her a lot
It's extremely sensible for a couple to sit down and discuss how they're going to manage their shared finances before they move in together/get married. That doesn't mean, as your boyfriend seems to think, that the only possible decision is that you turn over all your finances to him and you have “trust issues” if you don't.
Your proposal, of a shared bank account into which you both pay and from which bills are paid and shared savings set up, is extremely sensible. You might end up modifying it later, but for me it sends up a huge red flag that your boyfriend wants full access to everything you own and it sounds like he's trying to pick a fight with you when you say no.
Yes you’re right to feel bad about this! What is he joking at? Getting you to replace your mom? My advice is to address this blatantly and disgustingly so he either stops or break contact. “Your behaviour feel incest-ish and it’s very unwelcome” my advice is to text something vile like this.
she wants a family, so do I. we think the same way about topics like family, everyday life, our duties as husband and wife and mom/dad
I agree, why the down votes?
Leave her
I would love my partner to be my only sexual outlet.
However there is the problem of logistics:
Am I tried? Is she tired? What days of the week? Every day preferably but…
What kind of sex? What about that time of the month? My experience is I will gladly shove it in and pop off, but most women want a bit more. Thats more time.
I mean a sex day normally looks like:
Get home, go to the gym (90 min), hope that its not a day where I come back destroyed, shower (both of us) 15 min each. Rest for 30 min. Work her up, takes a minimum of 15-30 minutes. Do the do. Im in the “takes an hour to cum” category.
Literally we are looking at fucking around 8 if Im lucky.
I understand, thank you.
I concur . Thank you. I did take your advice ?
Dear OP, I cannot even fathom the pain you and your wife are experiencing. My heart breaks for you. It sounds to me though, like you are a wonderful husband. Who else could she scream at and hit and be hysterical to, and still be held and loved? Keep trying. But, you need extra support too. Individual counseling might help, support groups might help, it’s naked to know, but keep trying and don’t give up. Is there a cause or charitable organization that your children cared about that you could devote your energies toward? That can potentially help to alleviate the feelings of despair and helplessness. You’ll be in my thoughts. ❤️
I mean why didn’t you think that isn’t suspicious. You only met him 3x in a 13 year span he met you once every 4years
Call the police on him if he tries to drink and drive!
Mothers against drunk driving…Save a life or more!
Dude it's going to be naked and you're going to waver a thousand times but throw that shit in the dumpster. In a few months you'll be genuinely happy and less stressed. Sleeping like a baby knowing nobody lying and cheating on you.
Ok I say 14 paragraphs but it’s more like two sentences per and only separated so the first letters will stand out.
You can't make a person change, you can only decide how much is too much before you walk away.
If you've tried to communicate this to them, perhaps suggested couples counseling to work through some of the blockages in communication, and they still are doing this well, you've got to decide whether or not it's worth it to stay.
Personally, I can forgive almost any true mistake if proper apologies are made. But this? This goes under the category of 'intentionally causing harm' and that's a naked NOPE for me.
Your dad sucks and he treats woman badly, don’t look at your dad for an example of a healthy relationship.
it sound like they was busy with their bf. it seem like they wanted to focus on their date. it can be tiring to be an FP, or having someone depend on you 24/7. or possible that they was burnt out and just wanted to be alone with their bf. it sound like they felt like they might be done with you. don’t crawl back, focus on yourself
”ive been straight my entire life and have never thought about another woman sexually until I met my best friend”
Just want to say, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise that just because their journey was different than yours and knew earlier. Sexuality is weird and I believe you and your self discovery is completely valid. Sometimes it takes others longer to unlock that side of them if they’re meant to have that side unlocked.
I was completely straight (never once thought of a girl more than a friend and was kinda repulsed by the idea of a girl liking me.) until a close friend of mine changed it all when I was 17. Same thing happened to my ex-best friend, was straight her whole life until I ignited her discovery when she was also 17. I’d been friends with her since middle school and it took her 4-5 years for her view on my to turn romantic, & it’s when we became really close since before that we weren’t that close. It’s been 4-5 since my discovery and I don’t really like girls (it’s rare for me) so I just consider myself straight lol.
Your best friend is married so I wouldn’t recommend pursuing her. If this self discovery is making you want to explore yourself, then go for it since you are already in an open relationship, and if you don’t feel like it and it was just your best friend who made you feel that way, then continue on with your boyfriend and some new girl will come to you.
Selfish people. Instant dopamine hit from getting what they want is more valuable to them than their morale and integrity.
There’s nothing to do, you repeated the same behaviors and she’s had enough and broke up with you. She realized you’re not going to change
I’m all for trying to prevent harassment and assault. But I also think it’s important to de-escalate situations, rather than escalate them.
Your big friend getting involved is necessarily an escalation. Even if he doesn’t do anything – he obviously could.
This situation may not have been amenable to de-escalation if the aggressor was on drugs. Call the police, take video, don’t leave the victim alone with the aggressor – but don’t get physically involved unless there’s no other choice. There’s just so many possible ways to make a bad situation much, much worse.
That's a good idea going low contact with his mother.
He picked her to be his partner. Red flag. You’ve been dating only a couple month. You also don’t get along with her. Do you trust her?
That’s adulting homie. Give her a call. No answer hang up, no one likes VMs. She does, hey, how are you? I was wondering if you’d like a to grab a drink. Either way have a drink. Game. Set. Match.
Because she wants to guilt you into coming back. I pity her child, she'll use him as a tool against others until he's an adult.
Pretty sure it is!
Your fault??♀️
How long do you think you can live like this. Is this the man you want to be the father of your children. Work a part-time job money is not a legitimate excuse to subject yourself to abuse If they are truly your friends they should have a problem with him. The truth is you are genuinely embarrassed. This is your life the best part is YOU decide what it looks like.
sad reacts
you're a real bright one aren't you? good lawd.
how the hell you been married since you graduated high school
I’m curious, what are the genders of the other managers. Are they all male? I do not understand why the boss would give a rats ass if a married couple were involved in buying him out… seems like if any problems were to come from that it would be on you and your husband down the road and the boss would have already been paid and out.
That’s why u don’t get engaged after 6months. Try 5years next time
I mean they've proven over and over squirting is almost entirely piss. So… yes. If he's into it he is. People just like to pretend like it's not.
I mean if he’s pushing it you need to decide if your gonna let him push that boundary.
And I get the feeling insecure about yourself during sex. I’ve been married 6 years now and I still keep my shirt on. Take that one step at a time.
You do realize that “he views food as an expression of love” is a manipulation, right? He is saying this as a way to guilt you (“if you really loved me you would make dinner”) and to make it so that you have to cook dinner to show that you love him. If he really believed this, it should be absolutely no problem for him to cook dinner about half of the time, as a way for him to express his love to you. And if it’s so easy and doesn’t take much time, why can’t he pitch in?
Does he do any of the other household chores? Because he should- if both people work full time, both pitch in equally with doing the cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, outside work, etc.
I would tell him what days you will cooking for the week, make a plan, and stick to it. He will either step up, or not eat. I would make sure to get yourself something for just you on those nights.
You’ve only lived together 2 months. If this is what he is like now, he has a bit of time to grow up and step up. If he doesn’t, I would not stay with a man-child who I would have to treat like I’m his mommy for the rest of my life.
Do what you want, tell your boyfriend less. Do you tell him about every bowel movement you pass or every blood clot during your period? Of course not. There is minutiae that’s not worth sharing to keep the spark alive.
You only have one family and her mental break is a priority but you can't take back missing out on some things like this.
You can forgive her for being unstable it can happen to any of us under pressure but I wouldn't have listened to her in that moment myself.
Nahh trust what your husband told you George said – hubby is literally your ride or die. Your bother can be a better father and husband without your forgiveness ??weird ass bro lol keep the no contact and live your life!
She said no, regardless if she really is talking to another guy or it was the nicest way to let you down.
Leave it at that.
And you say “yes partner , the kids , and I are all free”
After 15 years , this isn’t a “them” thing
I was laid off- I am still currently the breadwinner with the severance my company gave me for working so naked. Our lease is ending in a few months and I will still be finantially responsible (for the rent 2/3 and utilities/ dog food and care 100%), especially with cost of moving out. I was doing research and it looks like since I bought her with my money, and have paid for basically everything she is legally my dog. My name is the only on on documents so it would be an easy arguement if that were needed.
I do see your point in him needing the emotional support of a dog in the event of our breakup, but I also see the point of others' comments saying that if he can't really take care of himself he may not give the best treatment to her through no malintent of his own 🙁
I do not know what is better.
So * She only wants to date men in the top 1% of US income * Men in the top 1% of US income almost never have a problem dating someone who makes less than them, even significantly so. * There are many women who see men who make more as more attractive. I've met otherwise normal women who have a massive moral blindspot and believe this, so it's possible to find a healthy relationship among women who value income.
So she's going for an extremely small amount of men, who all will have significantly more options than the average guy.
Tell her to have fun with that.
His reaction was a huge red flag. HUGE! Run!!
Fakeeee
No you are not overreacting. You married a man who actually doesn't put you first. It is time to go to see a divorce lawyer and move on. Talk is easy, actions speak louder than words. Instead of trying to work on his relationship with you, he is spending money on a friend. Just speak to a lawyer and divorce him.
That's your challenge, to find some way to break the ice.
Can't really go up to someone you don't know and just ask them out.
If there is some activity she is in, or class or something you can mention or complement her on. Get creative.
I hope you two don’t have children because you need to run away from this psychopath. Dude is clearly unstable when he’s mad.
Don’t mind me, i‘m just gonna lurk here until i‘ve figured out if my mind is too far, not far enough or appropriately far in the gutter here… ?
He didn’t stop cheating. He’s still cheating, they just may not be talking this week.
If your gut isn’t proof enough, and the evidence isn’t proof enough, and he’s proven himself to be a liar and a gaslighter, why would you trust what he says over what you see?
Why would he take accountability for something he plans to continue doing?
You are choosing to stay, so he is choosing to keep you in the dark because apparently the only proof that will make you leave is possibly catching him balls deep inside of her, and even then he could tell you it’s not what it looks like, and you’ll continue to questions what you know you saw for years.
He is winning because you aren’t leaving, so he has no reason to be accountable.
Yes! Please! Please don’t be like other people on here and keeping playing this game. You are worth so much more! We’re only given one shot at this life. Do you want to spend what years you have been blessed with, wasted on someone who can’t be honest with you? Let alone keep his pecker in his pants?
There are amazing, loyal people out in the world and they’re worth searching for. My friends always called me picky (my family even told me that they feared I’d never marry) but guess who just celebrated her 10th anniversary? No cheating. No stepping out when things got naked. Since the day we met, whenever I catch him looking at me, there’s this shine in his eyes thats only cast my way. None of my friends can say that. Don’t settle for anything less! You’re so worth it!
Love will never be a bed of roses, but I always preferred Lillies anyway! 🙂
We both have bad exes that we've said there's no way we'd go back to them. I'm thinking maybe of starting the conversation with “how would you feel if you saw I was following my ex on Instagram and liking her posts?”. I think she would admit she'd feel gross about it and then I can bring it up.
Yeah you too
Huh what? Infidelity?
I would just celebrate the anniversary on a later date. At the end of the day it's about celebrating the occasion together, the physical date is literally just that…a date. The only thing that makes it special is the two of you celebrating it together. You're 100% overthinking this dude.
You should expect to talk about yourselves, your relationship and whatever issue is troubling you right now. You should expect that both you and your partner will be asked to provide your own, subjective, takes on the situation. And you should expect the therapist to help you empathize with your partner, so that you understand where they're coming from, and do the same so that your partner empathizes with you.
The therapist probably will not recommend that the two of you break up, if for no other reason than finances: if you break up, you stop coming to see the therapist, and the therapist makes less money.
You should expect to talk about yourselves, your relationship and whatever issue is troubling you right now. You should expect that both you and your partner will be asked to provide your own, subjective, takes on the situation. And you should expect the therapist to help you empathize with your partner, so that you understand where they're coming from, and do the same so that your partner empathizes with you.
The therapist probably will not recommend that the two of you break up, if for no other reason than finances: if you break up, you stop coming to see the therapist, and the therapist makes less money.
I have a lot of friends. I hang out w people regularly. Usually she’s included with what we’re doing, but also a lot of the time I go out and do things w my friends, as she does with hers separately from time to time. Most couples I know live together or see each other regularly, so I don’t want to pin it as much as I desperately need her by my side all the time. But for a relationship like ours where we don’t see each other every day, I generally carry the expectation that we’ll see each other most weekends, barring something that is going on that we need to attend, or will at least make the effort to. I’m giving her her space, it’s just difficult to come to terms w it when I already don’t see her a lot
NTA.
It's extremely sensible for a couple to sit down and discuss how they're going to manage their shared finances before they move in together/get married. That doesn't mean, as your boyfriend seems to think, that the only possible decision is that you turn over all your finances to him and you have “trust issues” if you don't.
Your proposal, of a shared bank account into which you both pay and from which bills are paid and shared savings set up, is extremely sensible. You might end up modifying it later, but for me it sends up a huge red flag that your boyfriend wants full access to everything you own and it sounds like he's trying to pick a fight with you when you say no.
No.
Yes you’re right to feel bad about this! What is he joking at? Getting you to replace your mom? My advice is to address this blatantly and disgustingly so he either stops or break contact. “Your behaviour feel incest-ish and it’s very unwelcome” my advice is to text something vile like this.