0 views
follow me IG @avrilgoyes1, ♥ [1350 tokens remaining]
Date: November 5, 2022
The ad code is not a valid HTML code.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
What strikes me most about your description of E is that when he showed up with Marie, you describe him as being the same old E with you as he was before like nothing had changed and he treated you with the same respect and affection he had before he started seeing Marie….. Sounds to me like you built up an entire relationship in your head. he showed you respect and friendship and you interpreted those as overtures of affection. Your presumed remoantic connection with E seems purely one sided on you. It certainly wasn't justified shutting him out like you did. I'm not suggesting shooting your shot. But you at least owe E an explanation starting with the truth that you developed feelings for him with hopes of a relationship which were dashed when he showed up with Marie, and that it is now emotionally painful for you to be around them as a result.
It’s never too late to apologize if you haven’t already. Then you can let her decide if she wants to reconnect with you or not.
I'm sorry but I'm going to agree with your wife. You have three children. However one is not biologically hers. That was standing you and your ex-wife are responsible financially for your daughters College. She and her ex-husband our responsible for their son's college. You and her are responsible for your shared child. If she were to contribute to her stepdaughters college fund it would then be three people supporting one child.
I find these situations very difficult because she's a stay-at-home mom so therefore she doesn't have any real income of her own per se to contribute towards her children's college fund. she's dependent upon you.
I think her doing this was something that gave her a sense of self and that by you pressuring her she feels that she must give in because she's a stay-at-home mom and you pay for everything else.
The fact that she shut down and deferred to you is a huge red flag that you need to take notice of.
This is her money from her father. Please let her do what she wants to do with it considering that you have an unfair power advantage in all other decisions of your life together.
And the fact that she chose not to contribute to your stepdaughter you need to just accept that and move on
What a slap in the face. Cut your losses before this guy inflicts real emotional damage, OP.
Do you want to feel good about yourself or do you want to feel like crap?
You know exactly how you feel, you just wished that you felt differently.
He’s not the guy for you. Cut him off. Entirely. No more sex, no more texting, none of this friends BS.
Find a guy that respects you and doesn’t make you feel like crap.
The underlying issue here is communication. It’s odd that the proposal was a total surprise, and that he didn’t ferret your ring preferences beforehand. Is this type of poor communication typical for him?
I keep having to do this on posts, but I cannot say this loud enough… DO NOT PUT HER NAME ON THE DEED!!!! If anything negative happens in your relationship, you have then lost half the equity! It’s not a matter of trust it is a matter of common sense and protecting your investment.
If you were married and sharing the costs of the home then by all means I can see you adding her. However, doing it now could seriously f yourself. Then we’ll be reading your post in TIFU.
I feel for you sir. As you are uncertain of where to go from here, take a deep breath and break it down. First step is to have a plain and honest discussion with your friend, alone and without his wife. This friendship began with you two alone and should end with you two alone and apart from any external factors or influences. I recommend either meeting at his home or at a public location which is private enough for the nature of your conversation but you can remove yourself from. As this will be a distressing experience, I recommend writing down clear and concise key points about how you feel and your logical reasoning for why you must terminate the friendship. You know the nature of the situation best, but from my perspective you treated this man as a brother. Although you recognized that your realities differ, you did not allow that to alter your relationship in the same way he has. Would he behaved the same way if, instead of your sexual orientation, your races differed or if you were another religion? If he fails to recognize the absurdity of his position through the conversation, you must continue to follow through with the termination. Finally, once the conversation is concluded, you must distance yourself from him. Life is strange and perhaps time will wisen him, but it will only hurt to hope in things like this. Dedicate time to yourself and your partner. Healing will take time, but everything has an equal and opposite reaction. Consider it a positive that you’ve observed these discrepancies now rather than much later down the road. Easier said than done, but life will carry on. You still have two thirds of your life and a future with your real best friend, your fiancé. Again, life is strange and we don’t know how it all goes. It may feel terrible now, but you’ve healed and grown from more painful situations in your past when you had a less experience with such suffering. You will continue to heal, grow, and thrive. Best of luck in the conversation, and best of luck in the future OP.
At the same time you have to respect his beliefs as he respects yours regardless everyone is biased because they dislike the religion
Its time to put on your big girl panties and tell him. Its going to hurt.. Its going to hurt both of you. But if your relationship is as good as you say it is, you will get past it…
Those arranged marriages have a high success rate. I am not for or against. Marriage is tough no matter how it is entered.
100%
my spouse has been increasingly energetic/vocal about connecting with a number of my family members (parents, sibs), most of whom I have complicated and painful dynamics with that I've spent decades in therapy addressing.
I agree with this up to a certain point but don't understand why this is more important to her than helping me feel comfortable.
Also, this motivation to talk to them has increased significantly since we almost separated.
What specifically has your therapist had to say about this?
I suppose I had my mind changed for me, didn’t want any, unexpectedly had one, no regrets. I have friends who have never wanted kids and haven’t changed their minds and friends who have. All of it is fine. If you have the means to freeze your eggs maybe do that so that if you do change your mind there are options.
It IS worth going to couple counseling BUT in your case consider it CO-Parent counseling, which will be vital for your children. You two will need to forge a new relationship. I went through this and I can tell you that my son never felt unloved through our breakup because of the help we received from a counselor. Also consider getting your own individual counselor to help you process your personal feelings. You will need it.
Both want to be in serious relationships…both Christian….
u/Software_Outside, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
u/One_Contribution_262, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Tell him now
“What to do with this insecurity and jealousy?”
work on your own hangups, she's just not that into you.
Like I said not a lawyer. Your experience of it is the most important part.
You posted on an advice subreddit, feel free to ignore my take. But I would not stay with someone that would try to force a child on me. That level of selfishness is unconscionable.
They did hurt others. The kids and her family.
Break up; you are not sexually compatible.
For the record, most women get the most pleasure from rubbing their clitorises, not from vaginal penetration, so her masturbating by rubbing her clitoris without vaginal penetration is not unusual nor a sign of asexuality.
Her saying that everything describing asexuality on websites she has read is a sign of asexuality. That's fine, it just means she's not a good partner for a sexual person – so you should break up so both of you can find more compatible partners.
However I have also had a sense that something isn’t right, that there should be something more to it, and I can’t put my finger on it.
Do yourself a favor and only action when you can finally put your finger on something somewhere. In the meantime, keep a diary with the details in case you want to revisit.
Nooooooooooo no no no this guy is bad news. He is making you feel guilty so he doesn’t feel bad about what he is doing to you. He knows he is wrong. Get away from him as quickly and safely as you can
Don't “should” yourself. You identified a dream that kept you going and held onto it until you were out. You survived over 10 years in jail because of what you decided to attach your hope to. It's not wrong to believe in whatever you need to in order to survive. Welcome home. I'm sorry that she won't be a part of your future, but as a guy about to turn 37, there's still a lot of life to be living and people on here all the time restarting their lives and being happier than ever older than you or I. Seek some therapy to help you decompress after your time inside.
Why would you even love or still be attracted to this? This is sick behavior. I would fall out of love so fast. You couldn't have an easier divorce. Sometimes people regret or wish they'd tried harder, but not you. You'll be well-assured this was the best thing.
Not sure why you can't pull the plug, you're already separated. Do you feel you deserve this behavior? You don't. Feel like you can do better? Being alone is better.
Or a combination of both. Maybe take a break from this group, don't attend every gathering, get out and meet some new people/occupy your time with volunteering, meetups and solo endeavors. I feel for ya, OP … this sucks.
Dude just get a divorce, just beating a deadhorse at this point.
You don’t “come out” as polyamorous. That’s not a real thing, it’s an excuse to justify fucking other people.
Dump him.
No I’m talking actual poly people who try to recruit as many monogamous people as they can
I got myself Skylinknet, 1 camera, 1 hub, 2 motion detector, 2 door sensor and a keychain to arm/disarm and panick button for 250$ Canadian, tax and shipping included. The camera has night vision and audio recording.
Your situation raises an interesting question? What is marriage? What constitutes marriage? Is it the paperwork involved? The protection of law that if the marriage fails you are entitled to certain things? If that is the case, can a civil contract between parties substitute it?
Is marriage, the commitment you have to your partner, that you’ll love them, be there for them, cherish them? If that is marriage, does that commitment constitutes marriage only if it is done in front of an officer of law?
I can’t answer these questions for you, I can only tell you my perspective…are you happy, does he love you, do you love him, does he take care of you, is he there for you to lean on if you’d need to, does he respect you, treat you with kindness, show that he cherishes you every day?
If the answer to those questions are yes, isn’t that a marriage already? Only you can decide
Again it’s not that she has these issues it’s that she forces them on her partner. If he doesn’t agree that her way is the only way then he is wrong. It doesn’t sound like many of the things you put here apply
Right? She’s just trying to assert her dominance and control over OP. That’s what this list of demands is thinly disguising.
For all we know they broke up because he didn't want to get married.
Too late they have a kid
Perhaps you should read through my other comments to understand why this isn’t an easy task before judging from the start
Tbf I feel the same way only gf works. Only she can't even put dishes in the dish washer.
She works from home.
I do like 95% of the cleaning and can't even use my kitchen most days til i clean it to use it shits getting old.
I can't really say why its ruining my sex drive.
I've tried to explain that if want to sell this house to it can't be fucking dirty.
To ex: “I will not be attending the wedding. There is no scenario where I show up to this event. Having your family and [fiancee name] harass me is not going to do anything but damage our coparenting relationship, so please ask them to stop. You have refused my compromise and offered no other solutions. If you change your mind about [babysitter] bringing them or have another idea, let me know, otherwise I'm not discussing this further.”
To fiancee (not really, especially if you're worried about coparenting): “Jealous of what? He cheats and lies – which is exactly why I divorced him.”
I think they want you there as some sort of implied pardon.
Yes. She usually does not talk to him he is a casual friend who lives in a different city.
Thanks for this. I think he got super excited and it was spur of the moment. We are usually quite good about communicating feelings and boundaries, so this really caught me off guard. I'm so sad but starting to calm down.
Why are you worried?
Do they know?
Have you fucked before?
Because she would most likely would not accept it or she would blame it on something that she might have done. This way she will think i am a complete asshole that was unhinged from the start
Be honest with people. Call him and his family out on their shit.
Be honest for your child’s sake, show them there’s nothing to hide, no reason to be embarrassed, their dads side is just fully of mean people
Yeah, this isn't good. There's no reason he keeps all of the stuff from his exes either. There's no need for it. I think you definitely have a problem here. If he has nothing to hide, there shouldn't be any issue with sharing passwords, sharing locations, etc.
My wife and I have shared password document and we share each other's location with one another. We never go on each other's electronic devices or snoop on each other's locations but it's a trust thing. Only people who have something to hide would have a problem with it.
He should be able to toss you his phone at any moment and have zero reservations about it if he's being faithful.
Everyone's lines are different but my wife and I consider it cheating if we do anything that we wouldn't tell our spouse about immediately.
You could make a basket of his favorite sweets occasionally.
If he collected things, you could get him one of whatever.
Write notes, telling him all the things you appreciate and leave them where he'll find them. They don't have to be elaborate, just a sentence. “I appreciate you.”, “You're an amazing husband”, etc.
You are beautiful and perfect the way you are! Fuck the dickhead off, you smdeserves someone that appreciates and loves you the way you are
Ita not about that body part it could have been any part it could have been your legs or eyes. He's too immature and the fact he lied? He's putting his insecurities on you.
Snooping at the phone is relatively small compared to the blatant lie(s) – (as she held when he asked again) of her outright lying to him. You point out that she moved to London for him, that doesn't seem insignificant in terms of viewing someone as a not future partner (unless she moved to be in that country for that reason, yet there's no evidence of that and that would be a whole other story). Either way she needs to explain her reasoning.
Unless she makes things right, the question will always be – What else is she lying about?
Bro wrote a whole thesis?????
Why does having a lab diamond bother you so much? It's a far more ethical choice than a mined diamond.
(I grew up with a vaguely Christian worldview, so I've internalised the idea that at the point of marriage, you leave you family of origin and form a new family with your spouse.) With that in mind, your fiancé's sister are still his close family and he feels comfortable talking to them about jewellery decisions etc.
I think this could be a good starting point to talk about what you and he consider private business not to be discussed with family etc.
Male perspective here, it's not okay for him to still be spending time alone with her. Even if it didn't last long and it was nearly 2 years ago, they have found each other sexually attractive in the past and have slept together… It's a lot easier to go back to someone like that and cheat, than to meet a new person and cheat on you with them
Not saying he will cheat necessarily or that he is looking for that kind of attention from her, it's just that generally speaking it's not ideal. A good thing here that shouldn't be overlooked is the fact that he did tell you about her and their brief shared past. It would be far worse if he hadn't told you and you discovered on your own. Him telling may be a sign he really cares for you and wanted to let you know about stuff in advance, without you unearthing nasty surprises from his past on your own
“Black cat personality to match my golden retriever energy”
Please never say something that fucking cringe ever again, Jesus Christ.
But honestly, you're acting way too serious for a first date and it's creepy.
Agreed. Back your friends man wtf
“But if you're together do you just avoid the person and don't tell them why?”
No. Why would I? It happens around every 5 ish months to me so that's why it takes a bit to come up. What is there to hide? Lol.
In all my relationships (the current one being long term) I just did my thing, when they went to kiss me I stopped them and said “cream is yucky” (cause I had cream on lol). Once my ex gf went “Oh herpes?” I said yeah and she said she had it and didn't matter. We kissed lol.
The other 'memorable' time was my current relationship. Everything was the same up to “cream is yucky”, he then asked bc he didn't know about it. I explained “I've had [oral herpes] since I was a baby, just put on this cream and you can't kiss my lips for 3 days (ish)”
Know what he did? Gave me a forehead kiss and told me to tell him the second he could smooch me again. Lmao.
“because they have no idea about it”
Right… I also had no idea he had a throat infection… until he told me… to stay away… to he wouldn't infect me…
“you've made a long lasting choice for them for your own benefit.”
The fucking drama omg. He can't kiss me for 3 days every 5 months… woopie what a choice ?.
I guess I should also immediately warn partners I don't like having sex every week and have weeks off sometimes. Since that's such a choice ??.
Relationship is another word for work.
18 months is a little early to have to work on sexual attraction, but long enough to ask why. Is she bad in bed or something?
Best advice on here.
You are a mat. I think 50% of all of this is enough for someone not end a relationship. You are only 30. You didn't had any long-term serious relationship before this one. Please cut the losses and find someone new now.
Not often, but each time it's a fight. It's probably quarterly or when there's a holiday or if my finances dad/stepmom are visiting, which is again in June. I'm purposely planning to travel when they are visiting to avoid the next fight. It's just this time it was sprang up on me for Easter, he didn't give me any info like the location, I originally thought they were hosting at their condo nearby just the immediate family then found out last night it's an hour away plus all the brothers gfs parents friends.
Probably not
Oh I have no doubt that you're probably right but there are people who do throw away a good relationship on a one night stand, unfortunately.
A long time ago my girlfriend broke up with me because I wanted to spend time with her and she had 3 jobs and school because her parents were being horrible to her. She did it by text and was kind of a dick about it. About 8 months later she called me and we talked. Now we have been married for 20 years. If you don’t have irreconcilable differences and you like this girl, I encourage you to try.