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Baby-Michellxx Public Chat Channel
Date: October 29, 2022
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So my suggestion is you don’t bring up sex again for a while. Make sure you’re picking up after yourself in the home. Do some chores you don’t usually do, take the kids out alone some Saturdays or Sunday’s and encourage your wife to reconnect with her friends. Motherhood can be lonely.
Plan dates, including babysitting. Don’t ask for suggestions, just surprise her with an outing you know she’ll like. Compliment her (motherhood makes a lot Of women feel unattractive) and commit to this over a handful of months. Don’t mention sex.
Think kind of “take charge” activity can really reignite spark in a marriage and encourage intimacy in a way that asking someone for sex all the time just doesn’t. Try this, and if it doesn’t work (and it won’t straight away, it takes time) consider whether her libido is health related.
The fact that he needs you completely out of the house (and can’t just lock himself in the bedroom, or have you stay in your office for a couple hours while he has run of the house) seems to suggest there is more to his need than just “alone time”. It seems like he is hiding something – porn, masturbation, smoking weed, drug use, gambling, or an affair come to mind.
You might think about how this will impact you in the future. If you plan to have kids together, how will he handle having zero alone time when raising children?Will he continue to use “introversion” as an excuse to be distant or absent, causing you to feel unwanted? Your relationship feels one-sided because you make all the effort – this won’t improve with time, and in fact may get worse as he takes you for granted. How will that feel after another year? Decade?
If he doesn’t want you around to this extreme, it seems the relationship is probably on its way out. Your partner should be happy to have you around, at least most of the time! Otherwise, what’s the point? You sound more like a convenient and very accommodating roommate who provides relationship perks on demand, then gets lost when he says so. You’ve made more than enough compromise. If he can’t or won’t see your perspective, then it may be time to let this one go and find someone who wants to be with you.
But I feel like I’m being so dramatic over a list by wanting a divorce.
You’re not wanting a divorce over a list. You’re wanting a divorce over an abusive, racist, bigoted family, and a husband who doesn’t support you. The list was just the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
In that case, consultation with a sex therapist might be more useful as a first step. You should go together.
If it was loss of erection, that could very well be a medical problem, and would justify seeing a urologist.
So what is he doing about it? Why are you the one coming here asking how to fix him?