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barbysweet, 25 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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So, full disclosure: I didn't actually read your post beyond the title. That being said, I also don't need to.
Am I the reason my boyfriend cheated on me
No. It's not just that you weren't, it's that you can't be.
I mean, yes, maybe the relationship wasn't perfect. Here's the thing: no relationship is. Even the ones that last until one of the members dies of old age — you know, the relationships that count as successful — have bad times and troubles and difficulties. So if your boyfriend is expecting everything to be smooth and perfect, you already have problems.
Second off, even if there is motivation for him, it was still his decision to act on it. Cheating isn't some series of accidents where you're just walking down the street and then magically your pants fall off and your dick gets hot and suddenly there's this woman bending over in front of you when you walk into her and suddenly you're having sex. Cheating is a series of decisions, of conscious decisions. He actively put himself in a position to cheat, or actively decided not to remove himself from such a situation. He made choices. And he did not have to make them the way he did. Those are mere facts and they will never change.
It's good to maintain an attitude of self-centered improvement. “What can I do differently?” This is a good attitude to maintain because, simply put, the only thing you can actually control in life is yourself. But don't make the mistake of assuming that, just because there were.some things you could have done differently or better, that means the entire thing is your fault. Some people like cheating. Some people get off on cheating. Some people are assholes. And at that point, when you ask the question, “What needed to be different for him to not cheat on me,” the answer is, “Nothing. There is no outcome in which he doesn't cheat because he's just an asshole.” And if that's the case, you just shrug your shoulders and walk away. Regardless of what you've seen on television, it's not your job to turn him into a different human being than he is.
This is about me because this is me asking for advice. My wife has no issues with me that she's ever brought to my attention.
The fact you're tryna make me feel bad about this speaks volumes about you as a person.
Typical “women are always right” bs. Fuck off if you're not here to give actual advice on the topic
The person I was involved with was an innocent party and she did not know it was an affair. I also don’t see this as punishment for an affair per se; it’s punishment for breaking the law, I’d just have a hand in facilitating it and would be content to see it happen given the context.
Not really ghost her since we are still in that group chat (I “liked” a few of her texts but I’m strategically avoiding her and usually liking only the others’ texts) but I guess telling her that I would let her know and then not writing her back is a hint that’s good enough?
Trash took itself out. Congratulations! I hope you got the leak under control.
Omg I love your username!