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I meant to have that as an option as well lol, thank you for the advice
My girl.
But people stay with their spouses through cancer, dementia, addiction, debilitating accidents. I feel cruel for being tired of him, for wanting to discard him, when he wants to stay together, he wants to try to change.
Yes, they do – but NONE of the things you listed are deliberate choices. Your husband being an ultra-religious, conservative jerk is a choice he himself made. Honestly, reading your post makes me really wonder why you married him in the first place?
From you saying he wants you to be a SAHW, why did HE marry you when he knew you had a successful career already?
The entire thing just sounds like you had some fundamental incompatibilities from the get-go and just decided to get married anyway, for some reason.
So yes – it is very much okay to give up on this. You aren't really compatible in the first place. You list the following about his positive qualities:
He is generous with others (donates a significant amount of money), does chores, works very hot, always remembers my birthday and our anniversary. He is honest (to a fault sometimes). He's VERY intelligent, likes to read to the kids and explains historical concepts well to them.
The first one should feel like a slap in the face to you, not something you like him for. He's generous with everyone BUT his wife – with whom he is a tightwad. Cool. So much for being #1 in someone's life, eh?
Everything else you listed there can be had from most functioning adults. So if that list is all he's got, while also doing all that other crap that makes you feel exhausted, awful, and tired all the time, then why is it even a question?
So once again – from an internet stranger – it is absolutely OKAY to give up here.
Good luck, friend.
You two want different things. Added to that, one of you has broken some of the trust of your relationship by being careless with your money.
I think you need a divorce because you two need different partners.
Here’s how you lose weight – dump this AH. If he isn’t attracted to you because of some extra weight – I mean it’s not like you are obese… Don’t fall for his BS that all you need to do is lose weight. Get rid of him!