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Date: December 12, 2022
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As someone comes from the same culture, you could talk to him about marriage. The problem here isn’t that it’s you, it’s that he’s 30. Talk to him abt it cuz I’m pretty sure he’ll end up living in Australia anyways so as long as you guys communicate what you want from it you good have a future
I can’t fucking stand men. Seriously to ruin someone’s life like that how selfish can you fucking be… I’m SO SORRY I just can’t fuckin believe this is reality for so many women it’s seriously such a sick joke to be treated like that. Nothing more painful
Boyfriend can go to the doctor for allergy shots.
There is nothing wrong with you. It’s probably bad luck. I would honestly get out there more. Try on-line dating, it has worked for a lot of people I know. Try going out to social events, that might work for you. Don’t put yourself down cuz you can’t find a partner, for some people it’s just easier. Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there!
Your dad seems to hate being wrong and he was wrong in his decision and you haven't mentioned an apology from him and he'd be wrong for not manning up (at 78 years!!) and showing the respect that his wife and daughter deserve.
If he's generally in good health it might be worth expressing the last couple sentences of your post to him. If it's something that can cause issues and he isn't in great health it might be worth it to just let it slide and let your relationship he focused on the love you know you both have for one another.
If he's in good health and it was my family I'm not sure what I'd do – my dad isn't like that.. And I have a hot time imagining the scenario. My mom isn't like this either but im much more comfortable being confrontational.
It's very much an “I told you so” situation and if youre dad is grumpy and hates criticism then I'd find a way to very delicately tell him he's not driving with other people in the car if it results in him or others getting hurt. It's fucking irresponsible and (possibly in his case) very selfish and ego-driven if he throws a fit about it. If it gets to the point you could get aggressive and say “if you want to disown me because of your ego then die without a daughter be my guest but I won't sit here and watch you hurt yourself, me, or my mother… Not because you're too fucking stubborn to be a reasonable man.”…. Or some version of that… Of course if he's not well then that can leave you with a lot of regrets if he perishes before there is resolve…
It's tough.. I hope y'all can figure it out. ?
At first it sounded like he had a reasonable request and gave you a fair chance to in the name of seeing yourself improve your health, but now after reading your comments it's clear this dude is just very fucking superficial. I mean your 150 as an adult woman?
That's literally fucking normal. I believe you when you say you love him but what kind of guy is he if his love for you is contingent on like a 15-20lb difference between your weight now and before.
And the fact that you literally DELIVERED on your promise to improve your health and your individuality as a person is a huge ask. I highly doubt someone like him would even come close to doing what you accomplished. Yet he is trying to convince you to convince him to “give another 6 months”
?!?!?!?!
Yeah he can fuck right off
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Then break up with her. Just tell her you can’t unsee it and can’t forget it or get passed it. Not fair to her to constantly be judged by her partner.
The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit. This doesn’t seem like a good fit.
Being able to see him means turning yourself inside out and upside down—skipping the things that are important to you and falling out of your routine.
Maybe suggest meeting halfway for a date? Then you can go back home? Or maybe..,date someone else altogether. His intensity sounds kind of overwhelming like he has nothing else to think about or do than you.
I hate cheaters but yes, he's both a cheater but also a victim.
Blackmail and revenge porn are ilegal in a ton of countries.
OP, I really feel terrible for you. I hope that you find the strength to deal with this in a healthy way, because none of it is your fault.
Please don’t sit at his bedside holding his hand. There are women who have been happily married for decades that wouldn’t be so gracious.
He has already demonstrated the level of esteem he has for you, and it’s not that high. I genuinely believe you deserve better.
No matter how you choose to handle this situation, please show the world that you will not accept this kind of treatment moving forward. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, I doubt I’d be able to handle a similar situation as well as you have.
I thinks buddy you want out of the marriage or already have woman lined up and this was the excuse you needed to play away. Marriage is about teamwork, commitment to each other, talk and help solve each others problems not sweep under the table as if you have no part to play. She came to you for help and you gave none at all!
Damn this is a tough situation. First of all, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through across the board. I think people forget that loving someone cannot just be switched on and off voluntarily. You can learn something very painful and still love the person.
My advice would be to try and imagine a few scenarios: how you might feel a year from now if he lives, or if he passes, and if you stuck around, or if you left.
Hopefully that will give you some insight about how to proceed. Please take good care of yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Sending hugs.
V true. Do you think I should make a move or wait for her to make the first move? I’m just scared of looking like an idiot if I’ve totally read this situation wrong even though my gut is telling me she wants me.
She stated that she did not do that because she was afraid it would annoy him. She can't seem to do anything without feeling for a trip wire first. That speaks volumes about what her situation is like.
Calling mom to get a read on dad before moving forward is a trauma response. If she were 16 (like a bunch of assholes are telling her she's acting like), it would be semi normal. But she's 24 and still walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how to disarm his anger.
Ffs her electricity in her room switched off, and her first thought isn't, “Oh, I must have tripped the breaker.” It was, “Dad turned off my electricity.” So he's done shit like this before, and she even mentions this is a pattern of behavior for him.
She's paying rent, handles all her own personal bills, and still offers to cover groceries. He keeps mentioning that if she didn't spend her money. But if she works minimum wage, it's looking like the majority of her income is going to him.
She rarely asks her parents for rides and takes public transport when she can. So she IS handling her own transportation. But as any adult would know, sometimes shit falls through, and you gotta work around it.
Everyone is stuck on the “You're 24! You should already be out on your own and are a burden because you… pull your weight when other options aren't feasible? Because she didn't try to leave and crash and burn thanks to inflation and covid?
All the others said, “Well, I did it, so it's possible.” Yeah, you managed it in completely different circumstances. That's great for you it really is. But stop trying to act like everyone else's situation is comparable to yours.
Op is not a burden, nor is she a failure to launch. Also, there are so many people who go their whole lives without a driver's license. It's not the end all be all. I really don't understand why so many people are furthering/ ignoring the fathers abusive behavior. She's NOT acting like a teenager. She's acting like an adult child dealing with an emotionally and mentally abusive parent.
Mentally healthy parents don't turn off their adult daughters' electric when she's paying for rent and food and covering her own bills. Especially not just to prove a point, because she asked about his emotional state. And we don't know if she's been dealing with sabotage or not. So it could very well be her father's fault she's still living there.
A rooms worth of rent isn't that much. Especially with no utilities
Women like you are the reason why most men will struggle through their entire life to commit to their partner. Posts like yours make me fucking sick. Your partner hasn't done anything to deserve this. Leave him & find someone that'll entertain you. Perhaps call your local circus, they might have clowns for hire.
I hope you at least consider that he may have done what he wanted to do. You responded badly, so he may have blamed trauma for why he did it. People can be very manipulative when they want to be. That may not be the case, but worth thinking hot on.
You are doubting her. Are you planning to talk more about it, or are you going to try to move on from it?
Nah I think the comments attacking OP are from people who are fattest.
He lays down with dogs, he is going to get fleas.
JPEG o file.
Blah blah blah post this 10000000 times already HIRE A CLEANER.
Completely agree with this.
your relationship is between A and B there is no need to be get an apology that isn't even going to be sincere on their part even if you get it.
Just that she recorded you shows how much of ass she is and had no intention of getting along with you.
OP is a guy (not that it matters) and she, the supposedly shamed subject, is hurting him. It's hot to see someone you care about suffer and nothing be done about that. She is suffering from her own behavior and refuses to fix the problem while sharing that mental load and drama with him.
He has every right to break things of for his own wellbeing.
Have a watch of HowtoADHD on YouTube. She has ADHD and has wonderful tips on coping mechanisms and educational content for “hearts” as she calls the partners and loved ones of ADHD people.
I’ve tried explaining in the most sensitive way that, that’s just who I am. The responses I get from that are, “So I’m just settling” or “How is it so hot for you do this” or “I’d do it for you”.. I think I understand that she wants to connect with me which I try and do by telling her things I remember in a timely manner, but what do you when you feel like you are tested for everything? This issue mainly happens whenever it’s my friends. For example, It could be a night out with my friends, or even a phone call, but when I come back in the house best believe I better say everything that happened so she won’t get even more upset. She’s upset before I even get the chance like cmon man. I don’t want to talk to you when you’re like that. Maybe I could work on that myself but sometimes I’m at a lost for words.
No. Women do not want to date fat guys.
Might seem like a dumb question so with my situation how much detail do you think is enough I was thinking about saying I lost it on a one night stand because technically it was to a massage therapist
What i can really tell you is for you to take this time to think, however, to also be smart about this, do not try making changes that would make you not feel good, there are people that naturally like to plan ahead, and you might just be one of those instead of being someone with simple anxiety.
Although i do hate to say it, but as someone has already commented, these relationship breaks tend to be the end of it, it wont be the same if you possibly get back together, and its very unlikely you will do so
True but can she do any better at that age? That's not even that bad as some others. Unless she dates 25-28, it's probably better to just work it out and learn from each other.
Your ex probably hates you. Leave her the fuck alone. Sorry to say but karma's a bitch. On-line with your choices
But have you changed?
Not going to listen to you. Random.
Thanks for this.
I was in the same shoes as OP and I stayed. It did not end well.
Now I am in therapy and see all the red flags in *my behavior* which was not walking when I should have.
I'll share one thing. Getting up in the middle of the night and neurotically checking her phone. Going through messages, discord, email, chrome search history. Map history, social media, the list goes on, and on, and on, and on. In the end there is pain both ways. Find something? Ouch. Don't find anything? Shame. Lots of shame.
It hurts so much to be cheated on. But now you can leave on your terms and not hers. You are empowered right now. Good luck.
You’re saying I’m gonna have to deal with her forever and accept the consequences. I’m not necessarily marrying her family because we’re half way across the world. I DO have a problem with her mother being a bigot however. Me aside, her views are fucked up. I spared the details earlier but when she says stuff like “men with black beards look like jihadists” it’s quite disturbing.
You seem to be handling your girl getting gangbanged behind your back pretty well.
Literally the third sentence in your post is that he’s not in the right headspace to date. And no matter what mental gymnastics you do, there’s no grey area in relationships – either you’re in one (even if it’s an open relationship) or you’re not and both parties are free to do whatever they desire because they don’t have anything to lose
And I understand you’re a good person trying to do the right thing, but good luck with that. Unfortunately very soon you’ll learn that there’s no such thing as unrequited love or even niceness, you only give effort to those who value and appreciate it. Imagine if you interview at a place tomorrow and they say they can’t pay you, but you say you’ll come in anyway and do the job for free. Do you think they’ll ever want to lose free labor? Don’t you think you should be working at a place that compensates you for your time and hardwork? That’s exactly what you’re doing by being overly nice to guys like this guy – you’re giving him free labor
it amazes me that some of you give OP some kind of “spot” about it after she happily assisted in the actual cheating lol. agreeing to 100% utterly disagree. there is no appointed spot. Wife of the situation deserves a clean shot to, you know, BE loved and happy, period. it's not going to make a difference who tells her.
You are the one who is ignorant about the value of marriage.
Wow, I really wish I could stop hearing about dudes who go directly from having mommy do everything, straight to tries to treat gf like a bang maid
Your friend isn't THAT old
Apparently I’m not listening because unless I completely missed it, you have not said anything about how it’s not automatically 50-50! All you have mentioned was about alimony. So if the division of marital property is counted as alimony, then I apologize for my ignorance of that.
So your options are be an idiot that leads to divorce or divorce? Cause open relationships never work out.. I mean have you not seen Reddit? Just talk to him and tell him how you feel and say you both need to do something about it together and if he ain’t down then maybe divorce is the way to go..
Not toxic but her group sucks. If we don't all get let in, we don't go in.
What she wants is very simple and I hate to say it but, 40s Male, a lot of men accomplish it easily. Romantic words, a setting in consideration of her tastes, a ring similar to one’s she’s admired.
If men don’t want to do any of that then they don’t need to try to marry women that want it.
You’re literally playing into her game and she’s living in your head rent free. Ignore
Those are some serious mental gymnastics there….like, sure, it could all be that, but also, the amount if energy put into that explanation of four words is kind of….telling to me. That's some manipulative thinking at best.
Just think of everything she may have done in the past. She knowingly, willingly and intentionally put you and your ex through emotional hell. There’s no way to truly know what your mom really told Allison about you. It had to be really bad for her to completely ghost you w o even trying to talk about it. It doesn’t go from simply fabricating screenshots to her leaving you w o discussing things. Your mom must have made you out to be a monster for her to go NC w you.
So she sat back and saw how bad you were hurting, saw how bad Allison was hurting all just to get you to be w Jess and you played right into her hands. More than likely Jess knew about these mind games she was playing also because how did your mom know Jess would take you back if they didn’t conspire together? They were both taking shit about your brothers GF so they had to be in it together. Now you can’t trust anything either of them tell you.
Jess and your mom got you in the relationship they wanted through manipulation, lies and gaslighting.
Now Allison will forever have trust issues, believe you cheated or whatever your mom told her to believe and she was just fine ruining your relationship. And now knowing she was responsible for your hurt & heartache and seeing how your mom and Jess treat your brothers gf you need to ask what to do?
You tell her how she’s hurt you and go NC w her and Jess. Then you go & find someone who doesn’t know either of them and never introduce another woman to her.
You now know what she’s capable of so if you stay you’re asking for more heartache in the future and probably watch her tear down your brothers relationship as well.
Thank you for the nudge, I need it
Head is not the issue here.