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Date: January 14, 2023
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It’s fine to be frugal but don’t be cheap. You’re coming out ahead massively. Just lay the grand to maintain the friendship and you’re still stupid ahead of everyone else. I have a friend that is cheap like this and most people don’t respect him because the mentality behind it is absurd.
I want us to be a team so badly.
But he doesn't. He's lied about going to couples counselling and now he's refusing to even to attend.
Ask yourself. Is it worth it? At the moment you're cold, miserable, doing everything to appease him and putting in all the effort to work on things.
It's okay to want different things in life. You might have been compatible once, but it really sounds like you're not, anymore. From your post, I think you'd be more content apart.
People sometimes do hire people that they like and want to stick around but they hire them as assistants, housekeepers and so on.
Thank you, will definitely be doing that!!
So take away a Christmas present from the younger kids because their 25 year old sister can't ask Mom for money, car pool or take the bus to work? OP has helped her a lot financially since she moved out. He paid her rent, for college, trips with her friends, etc.
Do not under any circumstances sell your house to please this woman. Keep the house!!!! Please
You broke up with her,. She told you multiple times to go no contact. You keep contacting. Stop harrassing her.
If she wants to pretend they don't exist, that's on her, but you don't have that luxury and don't owe it to her to do the same.
Please note..I am not saying he's having an affair out right. But it sounds like an emotional affair is going on. Which is not good & should be stopped now. And he's hurting your feelings..which is not right.
There must be other behavioural changes with him..which is why you checked his phone. Ex: does he always talk about her? Only talk about her.. Put her on a pedestal?
Did he ever tell you why he came back home so late that night? Did he drop them home? Or stay late talking to her?
Please note..I am not sure if you feel comfortable about invading his privacy so..you decide. I doubt he will be happy about it..especially if he's having an emotional affair & is caught.
I would gather more evidence by looking for other apps. They may be exchanging inappropriate pics on Snapchat, WhatsApp etc. Check his cell thoroughly. Including the deleted files.
Once you bring it up he most likely will deny it. Which means he will clean up all digital evidence. Once you have copies safely put away or stored where he can't get a hold of it.
I would sit him down. Give him your suspicions. If you tell him you've been going through his phone, he will change the password or find other methods to talk to her.
Tell him how you feel. What you've noticed. Make him show you his messages when you confront him, immediately. The start questioning him. Point out this is cheating. Emotional connects should only be between spouses
The next part is okay by ear… You want it ended immediately. Have him call her on speaker. Make sure he clarifies that discussions will be work related. And his marriage mean more than his friendship with her.
Update us. Good luck. I am hoping he sees the error of his ways. Oh & he doesn't want to be accused of sexual harassment by this woman.
I hope this is fake.
This is creepy as hell and these girls should not be getting in your car.
And your gf is 100% correct to be mad about this.
Ok. I know women who have taken tests even if they've always used protection. It's far from unheard of.
Everyone here is in their feelings and piling on the clichéd, “leave him” train. She's married. The smart, mature decision is to take the test, talk it through, and emerge with a better understanding of each other and a stronger bond of trust.
Or she can blow up her marriage. No big deal.
Yeah, these are his in laws not some strangers off the street.
It makes me wonder how OP's husbands deals with other inconveniences in his life if the language barrier with his own family has him ready to blow.
It sounds like you’re absolutely overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill. She has one video and her face isn’t even in it. Calm down.
It's all good she's probably got something to do or slept in. Not a big deal. Don't be pushy she won't like that at all. Just wait a bit. Text her tonight or tomorrow morning and just make some small talk. No need to get anxious.
Lol. Read that wrong and typed out a whole thing. Thought you called her a coward not him. I think I agree with you. It's a pretty sus move to have your IMMEDIATE reaction when someone you claim to love tells you they think their life goals have changed to insult them in such an extremely personal deep cutting way and then run away from the situation in the process. Says a lot about OP. Especially since that's clearly a conversation you continue having to get real answers.
I do think it is quite courageous of the girlfriend to bring up her thoughts like that, and that they are changing. But she's not a hero for saying that. Everyone can have courage, doesn't make you a hero.
It is standard practice in the US to have your first ultrasound at 12 weeks, so it’s likely this woman never had a scan to confirm a pregnancy.
Also, not every loss requires imaging and/ or intervention to heal properly.
You
This whole story is weird and screams incest, molestation and abuse – from all sides. If I'd be you I'd stay away from this family, this is a dynamic you don't want to get sucked into. What you know is probably just the surface of what really went on there… Please take off your rose-colored glasses and smell the flowers.
Hahaha the video shows on tecent and you believe her when she said it was from her college years?
Hahahahaha
The only people that care about your virginity are people you shouldn’t be in a relationship with.
First of all thank you so much for such a lengthy reply. What you have said has absolutely blown me away. He displays the most common autistic traits and has openly told to me he has aphantasia !!! He is not romantic at all, he can be very robotic, I’ve had to teach him / ask him so many times how to show me affection. I sometimes feel like his roommate as you mentioned, but more so often his mum. There is no passion either, despite my previous relationship being extremely abusive there was passion which I do not have with my current BF.
What I also struggle to understand is that he’s terrified of me leaving him. If I’ve asked him to sit down for a talk or if I’m acting in a different way, he automatically assumes I want to end the relationship and gets very anxious. As soon as I confirm I’m not leaving him, he relaxes goes back into his cocoon.
Something also just happened now. We both just got into bed together (our sex is now only permitted to either Saturday or Sunday) and he just initiated. I wasn’t in the mood because of what’s going through my head and made it clear I wasn’t up for doing anything. He said “well I made a move and you didn’t want, I’m just making you aware ”. It’s almost as if he’s just doing it for the sake of it and not because he wants it.
I doubt that she would do anything to act on it to be honest. Trust issues has never really been a problem. Maybe I’m overthinking this one. We haven’t seen him once in the 7 years we’ve been together. Still definitely not something you want to hear!
The herpes is not a big deal, the lying by omission is. I’m sure she was embarrassed, afraid to lose you, etc that’s why she didn’t tell you. Makes me wonder what other things she would keep to herself in order to keep you around. Can’t trust her.
So how many chores has he done since apologizing?
But it’s not sexual activity, it’s ONLY head. That does not make sense.
I thought I was okay with her family, but I found out recently they think I’m selfish apparently. I feel like there’s nowhere to turn, I have one other friend I’m close to that’s been bombarded with all this because I have no idea what’s going on. Yeah I agree though, I’ll take a step back.
Totally agree. If I saw the comic I’d feel sorry for her, not because I’d think OP was awful but because she is making a spectacle of her own poor coping. I feel guilty about it but the word that fits best is “pathetic.”
Absolutely, and she sounds shocked that he's misogynistic, how are you with someone for 5 years and you don't realize he has messed up views on women and relationships? There's a lot more going on than she realizes, better to jump ship now instead of wasting more time with him.
He's not taking accountability for his own decisions
Given her update it sounds like this might be a pattern of his.
Sure break up wirh your future ex, people fall out of love all the time, but don't for 1 second think no one will believe you are doing out of the kindness of your heart. Your story reads like a monkey branch situation. You are a cheater because you are already emotionally invested IN HIS FRIEND and you believe he'll accept you. There would have already been situations where you have emotionally cheated on ypur future ex. So please part ways and stay away from said friend.
That's just weird tbh. Best guess is that he feels ugly as al your ex's are ugly and you must have a type.
It sounds like both of your boundaries are all over the place. I don't think go around telling other people what happened, when you don't seem too upset about it yourself, is going to help anyone involved. Sometimes you just need to back away from a situation and move on.