I’ve been with my fiancée for 5 years and met her when she was still male identifying and presenting. I never had any inkling that she was trans and maybe she didn’t either when we first met. I’m still fuzzy on the timeline of what happened leading up to her coming out. She came out to me and some friends a couple of months ago and then her family shortly after since she has decided to socially and medically transition. Her family has not taken it well and she’s been struggling with that.
I don’t have a problem with trans people, I would rather she be her best self whatever that looks like and I’m happy that she’s going to work on ways to be happy. I love her very much. The problem is that ever since she has officially come out and started dressing and actively working on embracing her femininity, I am completely and totally turned off. I don’t mind doing friend things like hugging or cuddling on the couch, but anything romantic or sexual doesn’t feel good and I don’t have any desire to do it. This has caused more and more problems and it’s stressing both of us out.
I don’t think this is going to improve as she continues to transition, it’s probably just going to get worse. I don’t think it’s right to marry someone under those circumstances. I had already asked to put wedding planning and house buying on hold while we figure this out, so if we break it off now we won’t have anything joint except the apartment to sort out and it can be a clean break. I hate it, but I can’t see this working and I think we’d end up miserable. Hopefully we can be close friends when the dust settles.
The problem is, she’s not in a good place right now. Her family is being kind of awful still and some friends have bailed (good riddance), plus work is a concern. Our issues aren’t helping. She’s been pretty depressed and anxious. So the breakup is going to be a blow but also probably put her in a less than optimal financial situation. I make more than her and she doesn’t have a lot of options if her job falls through.
How do I do this in such a way that it doesn’t push her into a worse spiral? I don’t want to make it worse, even if this needs to happen.
submitted by /u/ThrowRA_transbreakup
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