I (25M) once went to far during cuddle time withy GF(25F). now I’m not sure what to do

To describe the situation first. It was a morning like many others, we had been spooning the entire night(we used to spoon every night for months in a row), horny as I were I started carrasing the outside of her undies as I asked her "do you want to?" she replied "I want to sleep" so I stopped moving my hand and just let it rest ontop of her legs/undies no longer doing any movement, tried to go back to sleep in that same position as we have for months, 30seconds later she burst out into tears saying that she would report me to the police for rape. I know that I could have handled it better, but nothing registered as wrong when she said she'd rather sleep so I just stayed there with the plan to try to go back to sleep, she has said afterwards that I should've backed off and preferably left the bedroom to give her space(without any more info than "I want to sleep").

During that time we had sex atleast once a day and she would sometimes wake me up with handjobs in the middle of the night without asking. We hadn't discussed boundaries and I were a virgin before her, so I did not know that what I did were wrong until afterwards.

I feel like a criminal, an offender, I didn't even know what I were doing were wrong, I still haven't forgiven myself even though it was 9months ago. We live! together and share everything, but she has gradually gone cold and cruel towards me, always trying to stab me back for that one offence. It's gotten to the point where she no longer feels safe when I'm near the house, we haven't had sex for 3months, she hardly talks to me not even when I try to force out a deeper conversation about things. But I love her and she says that she loves me. We had a big talk recently where she explained that it's all because I raped her, that she wants to forgive but she can't. I am madly in love with this woman and would lay down my life for her without a second thought.

So to the question, she is a mess right now, if I leave her I'm honestly 75% sure she would kill herself(she has a history suicide). If I don't leave her I can see the pain and fear that my presence has on her. At this point I do not care about what's best for me, I know that I'll manage either way. Does anyone have any advice on how to think? I'm completely lost here