So for context my wife and I were highschool sweethearts and we started dating when I was 16 and she was 15. I was homeschooled before going to public school for highschool and had a really naked transition. A lot of my friends made jokes about how ugly I am and made fun of my interests and stuff. I basically turned into a huge asshole with no self esteem.
Well, I had a class with my now wife. And she liked me a lot and thought I was cute. And she was clearly a lot more attractive than me and still is. Anyway I made the terrible decision at times to pick apart her appearance. Idk if it was because I didn't want her to know she was more attractive than me or if I was just a bitter asshole..but anyway I did this. I made a lot of negative comments on her looks.
I didn't even realize how often I was doing it until she started crying out of nowhere one day and told me never to comment on her appearance again. Bad or good. I did listen to her at that time and didn't say anything for years.
Well time went by and I felt like we were in a good place and she was talking about her appearance and insecurities. So I would occasionally give her tips on how to deal with her acne or what she could do to make her hair look nice or offer to start exercising with her. I thought it was harmless but apparently those comments were hurting her as well.
The other night she admitted to me that when I give her tips on how to fix something on her body, it makes her feel like I want said thing taken care of. And then she went deeper to say that she never felt ugly until we met. And she can never believe my compliments because I say too many negative things.
I feel horribly regretful of the way I've gone about my relationship. My wife really is very pretty and now I'm afraid she will never feel pretty again. Because of how careless I have been.
She never wants to show off her body for me, or wear her lingerie anymore. She's insecure and wants to always have sex with her shirt on. When I try to compliment all she ways is "ok." She just spend a massive chunk of money on laser hair removal and wants to get liposuction for her chin. She cries a lot trying to do her hair and she never thinks it looks good. I'm just sad, I have so much regret. And I don't know how to fix it or if it can be fixed at all.
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