I [36m] don’t want my wife’s [33f] parents to visit our children.

I [36m] don't want my parents-in-law to visit my children anymore after they victim-blamed my foster child.

A bit of background: My foster son was placed with my brother-in-law first. But I had a gut feeling that my BIL was, at the very least, being inappropriate with him and, at worst, abusing him. I made a post on another sub a couple of weeks ago and some comments told me to just be there for him so I started to work to provide an emotionally safe place for him and kept on treating him like my nephew. But one time after I took him and my children to the movie theater, he waited for my children to get out of the car before he tried to unzip my zipper, I quickly stopped him, and I believe he might have confused my intentions, when I stopped him he looked at me confused and embarrassed before he started to apologize profusely. He told me that he thought that's what I wanted. I asked him if anyone has ever asked him to do that but he swore no one had.

I was already worried about him but after that incident, my worries only intensified even more. I kept a close eye on him, kept telling him that he could tell me anything, and if he ever needed any help I was going to be there for him. Life had been pretty normal aside from that incident, my BIL and he kept visiting us and we would have brunch with everyone on Sundays. For Memorial's weekend, we went on a short vacation and we shared a rental again, I kept a close eye on FS, he seemed to be having plenty of fun and was enjoying the vacation. There was one time when BIL and FS went out to get a treat with just the two of them and when they came back FS's behavior was different for a short time before he went back to spend time with my children. I pointed out to my wife that I found it strange how his behavior would change every time they would go out somewhere by themselves but my wife told me to drop it and that was FS being a typical teenager.

But everything changed last week right after Memorial weekend, my BIL was arrested for the distribution of CP and CSA. We were asked if FS could move in with us and we agreed. Things have tense within the family. But we all are trying to survive and process what has been going on

My parents-in-law came to visit this Tuesday, and while we were having dinner, my MIL said how much she missed her son, I found the conversation inappropriate since FS was right there and I interrupted her, but after I interrupted her, she said to the table that her son would be with us if FS hadn't seduced him. I had a conversation with her about how that was inappropriate and harmful, but she kept talking about how she knew "that boy" was going to be trouble the moment she met him. She's convinced FS is lying and she said that "those children are known to lie to manipulate."

After that, I told my wife I don't want them to visit anymore because it wouldn't be fair for FS and how it's now our job to protect him and be there for him. But my wife says that would be too far and unfair for her parents since they are too trying to process what just happened and it wouldn't be fair to keep them from their grandchildren.

I think it would be great if my parents-in-law would work on themselves before they are around our children. I'm not trying to harm my children's relationship with their grandparents in any way. I'm trying to protect my foster son while he's at a very vulnerable place.

I have been trying to help my wife understand where I'm coming from and that I do want for our children to see and have a relationship with their grandparents but that they can't be around for the time being but I don't know how to send that message across. I've been trying to but I don't think she quite understands what I'm trying to say.

How do I reassure her that this would be temporary as long as her parents work on themselves? How can I get my message across while also validating her feelings and opinions?