My wife asked to look through my phone. I snatched it and said no. She said we’re done, trust is broken, and she wants a divorce. We’re married for 6 years and two young kids.
2 years ago I saw something on her phone, she was mad that I looked. We had a large fight. We promised to not look at each others phone and we haven’t for 2 years.
Yesterday, She wanted to look through my text messages. I said I didn’t want her to. She asked if I was hiding something and I said no. Assuming she was talking about myself having an affair, which I’m not.
The photo I saw on her phone, after she explained I believed her. I don’t think she did something wrong but my insecurities let it live! in the back of my brain. She’s also traveling to the same place she met up with in a month and it’s bubbling in the back of my thoughts recently.
In general I don’t care if she looks through my phone but the “promise we made” does bother me. I had to work through some trust issues and it was hot. If she did go through my phone I do think it would lead to a giant fight. I confide in two people about my relationship – I think they typically take my side and aren’t supportive of her actions – which she would disagree with. More private, is I use the notes section to journal. When we fight I would always yell, but in the past two years I’ve journaled when angry, I use it to vent. It’s not pretty and I think it would cause long term damage. I typically contemplate divorce in these writings. I speculate on her mindset, her ability, things you’d shouldn’t say.
Speckled in there is also my search history where I’ve looked up weird kinds of porn, down Craigslist rabbit holes, just the search history you don’t really want to have to say out loud.
I haven’t cheated in any physical or emotional way in our relationship. Don’t double tap photos or write flirty emojis.
I love my family. I love my wife. And I love my kids and the home we have. Beyond marriage counseling what are some good resources i should look up? I get that I broke her trust, but she should trust me, but I understand that it’s broken. I’m at a loss on how to approach this situation.
Edit: my female friend is life long lesbian. Emotionally I’m closer with my business partner but because he’s a dude I guess it doesn’t matter. She’s my friend first, but regardless of our discussions she’s always so genuine with my family.
Porn: my “weird” porn I guess is everyone’s regular porn. I don’t look at things that are illegal or not available on a name brand porn sites.
Shit talking: I don’t call her names. I talk about situations that we’re dealing with. Whether I feel like I’m being micromanaged, or I feel like she’s bullying me, or I feel like I’m being disrespected.
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