Throw away because damn if my circle finds this.
I (21F) and bf (25M) have been together for 2 years. My grandfather had known his family since my bf was like 12 and my bf and I met when I was 15.
Long story short I had a crush on him for years. Never made a move because he had a gf. They had broken up for 6months and I gave my shot.
We chatted for a week and then went on our first date. At some point during the date he made it abundantly clear that he couldn’t make kids. He was born at 6 months ( with ovaries, but still had the other parts) and that effected it his sperm.
I totally understood because I can easily get pregnant but the likelihood of caring to term was very slim.
I said that making our own kids doesn’t really matter there are plenty of children out there that need a home too.
As the relationship progressed he stated that he wanted a child no younger than 6 but I always expressed that I really wanted a baby, or very young child (toddler maybe).
It was never really an issue and we just said we will bring it up again when the time we are ready.
Well over Easter I had a pregnancy scare. All the general pee test where throwing off results so I got a blood test.
We where away from each other other break and so it was nude waiting without being together.
He sent me a message basically stating that if I would like to keep the baby he is “more than happy to support me and if I don’t want to that is fine as well as he knows that I might not be ready” (being young and trying to build a career).
He also stated that he “doesn’t care what anyone else thinks I reckon we would make great parents”.
Results came back and they where negative.
About a week later I said how likely is the chance of him getting me pregnant was and he said last time he wasn’t it was around 30% and that the older he gets the better the chance which kind of didn’t sit right with me.
He tells me he goes and gets checked every 6-12months but in the time we have been together he’s never gone and gotten checked.
I also assumed his mother knew of his fertility issues so when she asked when we where thinking of having kids I expressed how it may be hard due to his and my issues. She looked puzzled for a minute and then acted like she knew.
Well last night him and his mum got into a fight about him lying. (He has ptsd and goes to phycologists but doesn’t want his parents to know so tells them he’s working)
They found out that he hadn’t been working back like he said and wanted to know what was going on.
She then said something that kind of sent an alarm off in my head.
She said “I have people coming up to me and hugging me saying poor Brendan poor Brendan about things I had no idea about and they tell me and I have to go along with it pretending like I know. And I don’t say anything because I don’t want to embarrass you.”
That’s what got me. Embarrass him.
I then went inside and started cooking dinner and they spoke very silently. After a while he came in and I asked what did they speak about. What did she mean embarrass him? He replied “oh it’s just about my car and how it’s fucked”
I said “is that it” He rapped his arms around me and said “yep” And that was that
I don’t know if I should talk to him mum and I don’t know what to say to him anymore.
I feel like our whole relationship was build of a lie he told right from the start.
UPDATE ———————- I spoke with his mum when I got home. I found out it was one of our friends that told her when he was drunk.
She had no idea. He never had ovaries, it was 2 hernias when he was 3 months. Right in the spot where ovaries would have been.
I confronted him as soon as he got home.
I said: do you have problems with fertility. He said: yes I do. Me: I spoke to your mum and she said she had no idea. Him: we’ll why would I tell her when she wants grandkids so bad. Me: okay. So where did you go to get tested Him: (names other town straight away) Me: and what made you think of getting tested. Because it’s odd for someone so young to think of doing that. Him: someone once mentioned it due to me being premi and I thought why not. Me: Okay
I then brought up the fact that he always says what he want me to hear. Lately we had an argument about saving and how I’m saving for us to go on a holiday and he is saving for his project car.
He eventually said that he’s saving for a ring.
I said to him: so since you where suppose to propose to me in September at my bday why am I still waiting. Him: (look of confusion) Me: I spoke to my mum this afternoon because I was freaking out and she said that you where going to propose back in September. So why at & months later am I still waiting Him: because I was afraid you would say no Me: I made it abundantly clear that I wanted to marry you a year ago when I started mention what sort of wedding I wanted.
Him: I was just afraid
I’ve walked away from the situation for now and I’m going to gather myself because I’m so worked up.
I’ve told his mum what’s happened and she doesn’t believe him.
Also for all you worried about birth control and baby trapping I have an IUD. I’m also in Australia. ? I will update if yous like if something happens.
Update 2 ——————————
It was all a lie. Just never wanted kids. I’m currently in his parents bathroom having a breakdown. I’ve had a shower and I don’t know what to do next
submitted by /u/Whymylife101
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