All names are fake
I've been with my Gf "Emily" for 4 years now. Emily has a close friend "Jeff" who I have never liked. The guy has always come off as skeevy, whiney, and creepy to me. I've heard things about him from ex-friends, and even current ones that make him just come off as pathetic and creepy. I could go on about it, but I'll cut to the chase though. The real reason I do not like Jeff is that he has always been interested in Emily. They met in middle school and he's had a crush on her since then. He's tried and failed multiple times over the years to get her to like him. Ever since I came into her life, and we started dating, he's always given me the feeling that he's orbiting waiting for us to break up to try again. He's backed off romanticly though and hasn't tried anything for the 4 years we've been together.
Jeff has been a sore topic for me and Emily. Even though I don't like him, she and her friends do. I've made it clear to her that I don't like him, but I've never interfered with her friendship with him because I've always trusted her when she tells me she feels nothing romanticly for him.
This all changed last week. Jeefs own romantic life can only be described as unusual. From what I know, mostly one-night stands and third-wheel scenarios. He's openly "poly" and I've heard far too much about it from him. Not the lifestyle for me, but whatever suits you. What got to me though, was how he would talk about it to the people in monogamous relationships in his friend group. Pitching it as if he was trying to sell them on it for other reasons.
Last week, Emily and I tagged along with her friends for an outing. We ended up at a dive late at night for drinks and Jeff tagged along with the two of us. He was incredibly offputting to me the entire night, much more than usual. Acting all buddy-buddy with me to an uncomfortable degree. As we sat and chatted, he brought up his most recent relationship from a few months back. A poly relationship where he was third-wheeling another couple. It was, very awkward. Much more so when out of nowhere he recommended we try something like that ourselves. The short of it is he asked us to open our relationship and become a "triad" with him. He knows I'm straight, so what he really meant was he wants to fuck Emily and for me to be ok with it.
Emily declined, and I wanted to tear into the creep; however, Emily made me go to her car so she could pay for our drinks and leave knowing I was about to make a scene.
Suffice it to say, I am not comfortable with her continuing to associate with him. I've made it clear that what he did was completely disrespectful of our relationship and that I don't trust him not to do something more sinister at this point. Emily, however, disagrees. She's saying this is "Just how Jeff operates" which makes me even more uncomfortable with the situation. He's not neurotypical, and her whole friend group has used that as an excuse for so long, I'm sick of hearing it. We have been arguing non-stop about this now. She doesn't think this is enough of a reason to cut him off and I cannot understand why. Her friend group has essentially decided to stay out of it as well. I did share my thoughts with someone I know who is an ex-friend of Jeff's from high school. I also learned that Jeff has tried to break up Emily and her boyfriends before, and he thinks this is another attempt.
She was planning on going out Friday with friends to a movie, which included Jeff. We ended up having another massive argument in which I told her to not come back if she left. She's been staying at her parent's house since.
Right now, I feel like I'm living in fucking bizzaro land. Every single weird thing about her and her friends now sticks out like porcupine quills. It's like I'm the only one who sees a problem with what Jeff did, and that my opinion does not matter. Emily refuses to tell me what about Jeff is so important in endearing he's worth this. It's like to her this is just normal or something. How do I even proceed at this point? It feels like I'm just being walked over. How can I convey how uncomfortable I am at this, or is it even worth it at this point?
TL:DR
My girlfriend Emily has a friend Jeff who has had a crush on her since middle school. He asked us to open the relationship so he can "date" the both of us despite me and him both being straight men. I've not tried to put any restrictions on who Emily can be friends with but now I feel completely uncomfortable with her continuing to associate with him. She, and her friends, disagree and have moved on like nothing happened.
submitted by /u/ThrowRAJeffTheCreep
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