We’ve been married for 12 years this June. I initiated a separation back in November for various reasons. Mostly a lot of alcohol fueled and arguments between us. We have two young children together and agreed to take some time apart to work on ourselves and our marriage with a bit of space between us. He moved into an apartment 3 minutes away from me and the kids.
We initially agreed to not get involved with other people romantically, but we altered that agreement a few months later in March. We were both speaking to other people, and having sex with them.
Now, six months later my husband is ready to come back home. I’m not 100% certain on this, just because I feel like once we opened up our marriage he became increasingly detached from me. There were so many times he would ignore my calls for days and I would have clue if he was okay or even alive.
Come to find out, he’s been sleeping with multiple women. But the main women he’s had relations with is his female coworker. Now, my husband is a roofer. Which is a mostly male oriented field. This girl is the only female roofer in his company. She’s also only 21 years old. I actually know her as my husband has been with the company for 7 years and I’ve been to multiple work events where I’ve met everyone including her.
Another note is that it’s very well known that she has slept with multiple other men within the company.
I’m fuming because I think it’s so completely irresponsible to shit where you eat, never mind the fact that he’s 13 years older than this girl and she seems to just be being passed around the roof like a sack of potatoes.
I was on board with him moving back in and starting back together with him, now I’m very hesitant. He made it very clear he had no intentions on finding a new company to work for and says that him blocking her would suffice. My gut is telling me no, but my heart is so conflicted.
Should I take him back and amount the relationship to it being strictly sex since it was an agreement between us? Or should I go with my gut and leave, believing that it’s not possible for him to continue working with the only female coworker he has, whom he slept with multiple times?
Edit to answer some questions: it is kind of cringy to me about her age but it’s more about them being coworkers and seeing each other on a consistent basis. I’m not sure her feelings towards him but I’m worried if she doesn’t take it well and continues to pursue him.
It wasn’t technically an agreement to start seeing other people, more so as my husband started doing it and told me he had and I guess I just said ok? Trust me, I’m aware of how I’ve lost my back bone. I’ve slept with one person, and my husband has no interest at all in knowing who he is or the details of the situation.
I could be a little jealous, but I feel it’s only natural. We’ve had numerous discussions regarding our marriage over the past couple of months. But I agree not much work has been done.
Edit #2 I’m not trying to slut shame this girl. She is actually a friend of mine. I mentioned her being passed around bc I think it’s gross of the men, not of her. But I understand that everyone involved is an adult and I have no right to judge anyone’s sex life.
The reason I mentioned him ignoring my calls for days is because he would come home and stay with me and the kids for a few days, and we would carry on as if everything is normal between us and have really good conversations about what to work on and how to move forward. And then he would disappear for days. I get we were separated, but I didn’t even consider talking to anyone else until he did. I only really did it out of hurt and shameful feelings honestly and I immediately regretted it.
I also have been taking this six months to really work on myself. I enrolled in nursing school and I’m in my last term about to graduate. I’ve started therapy for myself. I’ve adopted better eating habits and an exercise routine. I’ve made time with my children and friends a priority. I feel like I’m honestly in a much better head space than I’ve ever been.
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