Earlier post is here . The short version is that I was thinking whether I should try to contact the former girlfriend after I visited prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people provided very good advice on how to do that.
First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered guidance or kind words. I needed spent so long feeling embarrassed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they understood. I had barely discussed this with anyone before, other than my dad and people whose job it is to help me (lawyers, counselor, etc . ), and I had been very surprised to be fulfilled with so much compassion from the bunch of complete strangers. Thanks a lot, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that’s the least I can do in come back.
I sent Daria a note the evening after I made our post. It was something like: «I don’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hi there and thought I would give you my new contact info in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that’s totally fine too. » We left her my cellular number and email address, desired her well, and that was that. I knew it might be a while before she responded, in the event that she responded at all. Therefore i tried to put it out of our mind.
Early monday morning, my phone rang. It had been an unfamiliar number from the nation where Daria lives. Who also else would ever end up being calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time.
The lady asked a few times if it really was me, and I couldn’t inform if she was laughing or crying. At first the lady called me by the extremely affectionate version of my name she used to. However she quickly apologised plus corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It had been an awkward phone call, although not in a bad way. I had been extremely nervous, and it appeared like she was too. But happy, also.
Some of a person mentioned that Daria would like to know that I was safe, and this was more true compared to I could have guessed. Mainly because unrest in my country improved a lot during the last year I used to be in prison, she has been afraid that they would choose to quietly kill me rather than let me go. There are noted cases of other criminals like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, therefore it wasn’t a totally unreasonable get worried.
She also stated she repeatedly tried to send out me parcels of materials and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected with out explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. The lady told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more. I had no idea she had done any of that. I do know that it was not really a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that will she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable.
She didn’t seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn’t. We changed the subject to more lighthearted things: the jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a brand new country, etc . When she arrived at work and had to finish the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue speaking through a messaging app. Certainly I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. All of us sent messages throughout the day, and she even interrupted her travel home to send me a image of a restaurant modelled after one of my favourite books, simply because she thought I would like it. She told me that the lady thought of me every time she saw it, but however the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid the lady wouldn’t remember me, but she even remembers the items I liked to read? She remembers a lot of little points, even stuff I did not remember.
We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish am employed at night, until she will get too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I’m 24 and she’s texting me from a couple of blocks away, as if the next matter she might ask is definitely what’s for dinner. Other times it seems like we’re trying to will deceased versions of ourselves returning to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we’ve lost. She appears a lot more timid than the lady used to, more passive, which I suppose makes sense. Sometimes We worry about how much I’ve transformed, and that maybe she will not find anything left in me that’s worthy of the girl. But if I could express in words what it feels like to know her laugh, I could explain that there’s also a great deal that we know very well. She hasn’t lost her amazing advantages, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and am still care about her. I realize that rebuilding a companionship after all that’s happened is going to take lots of patience, and I have plenty to spare. I am just happy to have the chance to get to know her again.
This morning, Daria asked easily want to have a video call sometime this weekend. I decided, but I’m ashamed to admit that as much as I want to observe her, I’m very anxious. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey gamer. (Fortunately, I will qualify for health care insurance soon and be able to get it fixed. ) I dropped weight that I haven’t put back on, and I see a classic man in the mirror. I am also worried that I can get very emotional when I see her, and embarrass personally that way. I don’t really cry in front of people. I’m not used to it, and this does not seem like a good occasion to begin. Aside from not wanting to show up pitiful, I don’t want her to feel forced to comfort and ease me. If anyone has some suggestions about how to handle this, it would be a lot appreciated.
Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful in order to everyone who gave me the little push of courage I needed to send her that will message. A thousand times, many thanks.
TL; DR: I sent a message to my former companion, she was thrilled to get it, and we have been gladly getting to know each other once again.
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